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Borf Books Archives

Class gerbil named Jesus
– teacher suspended

© 2007 Strange News Service

LOS ANGELES, Calif. – A kindergarten teacher in central
Los Angeles has been suspended for allowing her pupils to name
the class gerbil Jesus.

The gerbil had been brought to class by one of the pupils for
“show and tell.” The other pupils fell in love with it and adopted
it; and the teacher, Luz Lopes, conducted a class election to name
it.

The class, which is 42 per cent Hispanic, voted overwhelmingly
for “Jesus.”

Other names that got multiple votes included “Muhammad,”
 “Buddha,” and “Fred.” The remainder of the class is 33 per cent
African-American, 15 per cent Asian, and 10 per cent “other” (in-
cluding “Anglo,” Armenian, and “native American”).

Deportation proceedings also were begun against Ms. Lopes,
who turned out to be an “illegal alien” from Caracas.

It was a black pupil’s mother, a self-proclaimed Baptist evange-
list, who filed the complaint against the teacher.

The pupil who brought the gerbil to the class – Juan Jimenez
Jaramillo, the son of Ecuadorian immigrants – strongly defended
the teacher and the gerbil’s name. “Jesus!” he said. “My father’s
name is Jesus! My brother’s name is Jesus! I have two uncles
named Jesus!”

© 2005, 2007 Borf Books

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Note:  In a hard disk crash in mid-2005, we lost archives of Tabloid Headlines from July 20, 2003, through March 13, 2005 (plus June 5, 2005, if we published that date; but that might have been the date of the crash).  Many of these archives were restored by our generous and attentive (retentive?) subscribers Edwin Kagin and Carole Otis, to whom we are most grateful.  If anyone reading this has any of the archives still missing, please e-mail them to us.  Thanks!

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“Over hamburgers sold!”