Practical Jokes can be Murder
by Pamala Rush

All Disclaimers apply.

	Mark woke up at around 5:30 a.m. and couldn't go back to 
sleep. He gave up on trying to finish out the night and by 6:00 he pulled 
on his housecoat and slippers and started down the hall towards the 
kitchen.
	Passing the front door, he saw the shadow of a woman through 
the etched glass. She looked like she was fiddling with the lock, so 
Mark went over and opened the door.
	She looked up at him in shock and dropped the key she had 
been holding.
	"Can I help you with something?" Mark asked as he eyed the 
skeleton she had slung over her shoulder.
	"I don't know," she said then thrust out her hand. "I'm Melanie 
Denten."
	Mark shook her hand then remembered Steve talking about a 
Melanie Denten. "You're the girl that's been playing practical jokes on 
everyone at the precinct."
	Melanie smiled. "That's right," she told him as she adjusted the 
skeleton. "Steve's the only person down at the precinct who has been 
able to avoid my jokes."
	Mark smiled. "And you're here to get him," he said. "What do 
you have planned for him."
	Melanie raised her eyebrows at him. "You want to help?"
**********
	Mark and Melanie crept into Steve's bedroom with the skeleton 
and Mark's video camera to find Steve sleeping soundly on his back on 
the right side of the bed. While Mark set the camera on Steve's desk, 
making sure it was zoomed out all the way and pointing the correct 
direction, Melanie threw back the covers on the left side of the bed and 
lay the skeleton down next to him. Every so often she would glance 
over to make sure he was still asleep. 
	She pulled the covers back over the skeleton she had put in 
Steve's double bed, and walked around to his alarm clock. She studied 
it for a second then, finding that it had a battery to save the time in case 
of power outages, unplugged it and walked back to the other side. 
Mark turned the camera on then watched as she plugged the clock back 
in and set it on the table there, setting it to go off in two minutes.
	She shooed him out and leaned up against the doorjamb, Mark 
peeking over her shoulder, both waiting for the alarm to go off.
	Just as Melanie glanced down at her watch, the alarm went off. 
Steve lifted his head off the pillow, hair in a complete disarray, eyes 
open but full of sleep. He turned his head to turn off the alarm and 
found it wasn't where it was supposed to be. He looked around, trying 
to figure out where the sound was coming from and found it on the 
other bedside table.
	Steve leaned over the lump in the other side of the bed and 
turned off the alarm. On his way back he noticed the lump and 
uncovered it. The skeleton was the last thing he expected to be there, 
and he screamed and fell off the bed.
	"New girlfriend?" came a voice from the other side of the room. 
Steve looked up to see Melanie standing there.
	She began to chuckle, and Steve picked himself off the floor. 
He had been sleeping in a pair of boxer shorts and nothing else, so 
Melanie eyed him appreciatively as he eyed her with annoyance in his 
eyes.
	"So, I'm your next victim," Steve said as he came around the 
bed.
	"Yeah," Melanie said. "But I'm not done yet."
	She threw the skeleton over her shoulder then crossed over to 
the camera which had been running the whole time and stopped it, 
pulling the tape from it and turning back around. She held it in her hand 
so he could see.
	"You didn't," Steve said as he moved towards her.
	"I did," Melanie said as she backed away from him. She backed 
into the room where Mark was against the wall trying not to laugh then 
turned around and sprinted up the stairs and out the front door without 
dropping the skeleton.
	Steve followed as far as the front steps and watched helplessly 
as she threw the bones in the back seat of her convertible and jumped 
over the door, landing in the front seat. Before she drove off she picked 
up a camera from the seat beside her and snapped a few shots of him as 
he stood, hands on his hips, just outside the front door in nothing but a 
pair of boxer shorts. He stood there for two seconds more after she 
drove away.
	Mark came up behind him, still trying to keep the laughter from 
boiling over. "So what do you want for breakfast?"
	"Her," Steve said with a gesture to where Melanie had 
disappeared. "Eating crow." He turned and went back into the house 
leaving Mark to laugh his head off.
***********
	Steve sat at his desk, just a bit paranoid, wondering when 
Melanie when strike with the video she had taken of her practical joke 
that morning. He didn't have to wait long.
	Melanie wheeled the TV and VCR in on their cart and pushed 
them up against a wall where everyone could see it, plugged them in 
and turned them both on with the remote. "Everyone," she said loudly. 
"Could I have your attention?" Once everyone had stopped working 
and looked up at her, she went on. "Presenting my latest victim." She 
hit the play button.
	Steve felt like hiding as he watched the scene from this morning 
play out on the TV screen. He put his head on his desk and pounded it 
as everyone around him laughed at the prank. When the tape finished 
playing, several officers patted Steve on the back and offered laughing 
condolences on the loss of his dignity.
	"I have pictures for anyone who wants them," she said as 
everyone began to disburse.
	Melanie pushed the cart past Steve's desk on the way out and 
he lifted his head to look at her. "Paybacks are hell, you know," he told 
her.
	"Nobody's paid me back yet," Melanie replied as she ejected the 
tape from the machine.
	"I don't suppose I could have that tape," Steve said.
	"When I'm done," Melanie replied as she held it up between her 
fingers. "I'm not quite finished with it yet."
	"By the time you get finished with it," Steve said with his head 
in his hands. "It won't matter anymore."
	"So you'll have a momento of the experience," she said as she 
stuck the tape in a pocket and tossed an envelope on his desk.
	"Sure," Steve said then picked up the envelope. "What's this?"
	"Pictures," Melanie said and she went on, pushing the cart 
through the door. Steve opened the envelope and took them out. 
Suddenly, she turned around and looked at him again. "I think you'd 
better get a look at the bulletin board."
	"What? Why?"
	Melanie shrugged. "You might want to take something down."
	Steve glanced down at the pictures, taken of him standing on 
the front stairs in his boxers, then back up to where Melanie had 
disappeared through the door. He dropped the pictures on the floor and 
dashed out into the hall to the bulletin board. Several people were 
gathered around it, and a few women whistled appreciatively when they 
saw Steve run up to the crowd and push his way through. Sure enough 
there were copies of the picture posted under the heading, 'New 
memos.' Steve groaned and pulled them off the board. The crowd 
began to clear.
	"I was going to have them enlarged to poster size," Melanie 
said from behind him. "But I didn't have time." She turned and stalked 
off. To get back to work, Steve hoped.
	He shoved the pictures in his pocket and went back to his desk 
where he gathered the rest of them and put them with the others. 
People were still offering condolences, and annoying Steve to no end, 
so he decided to go to lunch. Maybe things would have calmed down 
by the time he got back. And he needed to have a long talk with his 
father.
************
	Melanie had given Mark a copy of the tape for him to have a 
little fun with, so he did with a vengeance. Jesse, Amanda and Mark 
were waiting for Steve in the doctor's lounge when he got there. Steve 
filled a mug with coffee, and turned to see the trio watching him.
	"What?" he asked.
	Mark had the TV's remote in his hand and he hit a button on it.
	"Dad, please don't do this to me," Steve said as he rolled his 
eyes.
	The video played and Jesse and Amanda got a real kick out of 
it. "I've already seen this, thank you," Steve said then dropped the stack 
of pictures on the table next to Mark. "Here, have some photographs."
	Mark picked them up and looked at them before separating 
them and passing them off to the others.
	"So," Jesse said when he finally stopped laughing. "You gonna 
get her back?"
	"As soon as I can think of how," Steve said, taking a sip of his 
coffee. "You can bet on it." He gave a sharp look to Mark. "Traitor."
	Mark looked innocent. "Me? All I did was lend her my video 
camera."
	"All you did was lend her your video camera," Steve said. "And 
helped her get into the house, and helped her set up the joke, and 
encouraged her."
	"You need a bit of fun in your life," Mark told him. "You've 
been way to serious lately. I thought you could use a break from the 
serious part of your job."
	Steve shook his head before he looked up at Amanda. 
"Amanda, I have an idea to get her back, but I'll need your help."
	"Sure," Amanda said. "Sounds like fun. What do you need?"
*************
	Brice Jordan was the first victim of Melanie Denten. He was 
also the first victim of murder. Melanie looked through his autopsy 
report with a heavy heart.
	"I can't believe he's gone," she said to Steve as he sat on her 
desk after having given her the report.
	"Yeah, well," Steve said. "I can't believe it either. None of us 
can. There's absolutely no reason I can think of for someone to have 
done this."
	"Now I feel a bit bad about that practical joke I played on him," 
she said.
	"It's not your fault," Steve said. "We thought it was funny at the 
time. And he didn't get hurt, did he?"
	Melanie smiled. "And it gives me a good memory of him, too."
	Melanie had exchanged the hefty man's uniform for one a size 
smaller. It made him think he was gaining weight. For a week, he had 
rice cakes for lunch. The next week she exchanged it for a uniform a 
size larger. He thought he had lost too much weight and started trying 
to put the pounds back on. When she revealed the joke, he had sworn 
to get her back. Now it looked as if he would never get the chance.
	"Got any leads?" she asked as she handed him the file.
	Steve shook his head. "None," he replied.
	"Need any help?"
	"Maybe," Steve responded. "I'll let you know."
	He stood and left Melanie alone to contemplate things.
***********
	Melanie stood over the body of Nathan James. Nathan had a 
bullet hole in his forehead and his eyes were glazed over as they stared 
at the ceiling.
	"This isn't happening," she mumbled as the crime photographer 
snapped pictures of the crime scene and the body.
	Nathan had been the recipient of her second practical joke. As 
he was getting dressed in the locker room, she tricked him into 
believing her in trouble, then when he came out in his undershirt and 
boxer shorts, she locked him out. He had had to run through the police 
station trying to find someone to let him back into the room so he 
could get dressed.
	Steve came up behind her as she looked down at the body. 
"First Jordan, now James," he said. "What is going on here?"
	"How should I know?" Melanie said. "Obviously, someone 
doesn't like cops too much."
	Amanda joined them. "He was killed with the same caliber gun 
that killed Jordan. I won't know if it's the same gun until I get him into 
the lab."
	"Thanks Amanda," Steve said as the examiner moved out 
behind the stretcher with the body and body bag on it.
	Melanie looked back at Steve. "Anything?" she asked.
	"Nothing," Steve replied. "Not a fingerprint, not a hair, 
nothing."
	Melanie sighed. "This is not going to be easy."
	"No, it's not," Steve replied. "Let me drive you home."
	Melanie nodded. "Whatever."
**************
	Melanie sat at her desk, looking forlornly at the three autopsy 
reports. Jerry Watson was the third murder victim-- and her third 
practical joke victim. A pattern was beginning to show. The killer had 
to be someone who was in the precinct. Someone who was familiar 
with her practical joking. She looked up at Steve as he stood over her 
desk.
	"What do you want?" she asked.
	"I want to talk to you," Steve replied. "In interrogation."
	Melanie looked up at him with a puzzled expression. "Why?"
	"You've obviously seen the pattern start," Steve said. "I want to 
ask you a few questions."
	Reluctantly, Melanie stood up. Steve held out his hand and she 
walked in the direction he indicated. an hour later, she was exhausted, 
and Steve was no closer to finding the killer.
	"I want to know why your joke victims are being murdered," he 
said as a uniformed officer came into the room. "Before anyone else is 
killed."
	"Too late," the officer said. "The body was found a few minutes 
ago and the examiner says Mike Dalton was shot more than two hours 
ago."
	Steve looked down at Melanie. "I was at lunch a couple of 
hours ago," she said.
	"I know," Steve said. "Stay here."
	Steve left the room and Melanie put her head in her hands. "I 
don't believe this is happening," she said.
************
	Steve walked into the observation room's darkness and watched 
Melanie through the two-way mirror. "She's not doing too well, is 
she?" the other man said.
	"No, she isn't," Steve replied. "I almost feel sorry for her."
	"Going out on another 'murder'?"
	"Yeah," Steve replied. "Can't wait to get back and question her 
about it."
	The other officer slapped Steve on the back. "Go to it, my 
man."
*************
	Melanie sat in the room for a good hour and a half before Steve 
finally rejoined her. "Would you explain this to me?" he said.
	"Explain what?" Melanie asked.
	"Why your joke victims are becoming murder victims?"
	"I can't explain," she wailed. "I didn't do anything!"
	Steve leaned down and put his hands on the table in front of 
her. "They said they'd get you back. So you decided to get rid of them 
before they did."
	Melanie shook her head. "I didn't do it."
	Steve pushed away from the table and stood up straight again. 
"You are the only suspect," he said as he paced the room.
	"I didn't kill anyone," she said quietly.
	Steve ignored her and went on. "You work with homicide 
detectives everyday, so you'd know what clues to get rid of, and how 
to do it."
	Melanie stood up so sharply that she knocked over the chair. "I 
DID NOT DO IT! Why won't you listen to me! You have no proof!"
	"We haven't got any proof, that's true," Steve went on. "But we 
will. And before you can kill any of your other victims."
	"You're just afraid that you'll be next," Melanie said as she 
crossed her arms across her chest.
	"No, there are two others before you got to me, remember?"
	Melanie growled. "I'm leaving," she said.
	"Did I say you could go?" Steve asked.
	"Then arrest me," she said as she held her hands up under his 
nose. "Take me away, lock me up and throw away the key."
	"I don't have the evidence to lock you up," Steve said a bit too 
seriously.
	"Then I'm leaving," she replied. "Good day, Steve."
	She stalked out of the room, then returned to slam the door 
behind her.
	Steve shook his head, smiled and gave a thumbs up to the 
mirror.
	"I don't know how he can keep a straight face," said the man on 
the other side.
**************
	Mark was pouring a cup of coffee when Melanie knocked on 
the back door the next morning. He looked up, smiled and went to 
answer it. "How are you, Melanie?" he said.
	"Not good," she said, then told him what had transpired just an 
hour before. "I need your help."
	"I will certainly help in any way that I can," he told her. "What 
can I do?"
	"I need to find someone who can place me somewhere besides 
the murder scenes," she said. "And I need to find the real killer."
	"Where were you during each of the murders?"
	"Well, for the most recent one, I was at lunch."
	"Where?"
	Melanie sighed and looked a bit skeptical. "At home," she told 
him.
	"Nobody saw you?"
	"I don't know," she said. "That's why I need your help."
	"I'll be glad to offer what I can," Mark said as he heard the front 
door shut.
	"So this is where you've been hiding out," he said.
	"Leave me alone, I came here to see your father," she growled 
back at him.
	"Well, I've got to take you back in," he said. "Pat Miller was 
found dead, and a witness places you at the scene."
	"Where was he found?"
	"You should know," Steve said. "They found him in his garage 
at home. He was in his car."
	"I don't even know where he lives... lived," she protested.
	Steve took her arm. "Come on," he said.
	Melanie jerked away and held up her hands. "Aren't you going 
to cuff me or search me?"
	Reluctantly, Steve patted her down then cuffed her hands 
behind her. "I'll be back in a few minutes," Steve said as he led her out 
the door.
	Mark shook his head. "I think it would be a bad idea for me to 
help you right now," he said. "Conflict of interest."
	"That never stopped you before," Melanie called back to him.
***************
	Melanie paced the interrogation room like a caged animal. It 
turned out that there had been two murders that morning. That meant 
that Steve Sloan would likely be the next victim. She had been 
beginning to like the guy before all of this started happening. Now he 
was trying to prove her guilty of murder.
	Steve entered the room, interrupting her thoughts. "I want to 
talk to my lawyer," Melanie demanded.
	"He's been notified and he's on his way," he told her. "But we 
have to let you go. Not enough evidence."
	"Great!" Melanie exclaimed as she grabbed her coat. "I'm out of 
here."
	Steve grabbed her arm before she could leave the room. "Don't 
leave town," he ordered.
	Melanie shrugged out of his grasp. "Where am I gonna go?"
**************
	She was finishing cooking her dinner when the phone rang. It 
was Mark, and he sounded upset. "Could you come down to 
Community General?" he asked her.
	"Is something wrong?" she said as she nibbled from the plate in 
front of her.
	"Yes," Mark replied. "Would you come down?"
	"I'll be there in a few," she said.
	She grabbed her jacket and motorcycle helmet and headed out 
the door.
*************
	Mark was pacing in front of the morgue when Melanie finally 
got there. "Mark, what's wrong?" she asked him.
	Mark took her by the arm and led her into the morgue. Amanda 
stood there waiting with a concerned expression on her face. Jesse 
Travis was just inside the door and there was a body laying on the 
table.
	"What's going on?" Melanie asked.
	"This is our latest murder victim," Amanda said as she pulled 
the sheet away.
	Steve Sloan lay there, pale and unmoving. Melanie gasped. 
Jesse made a noise like a sob.
	"How could you do this to me?" Mark asked. "I helped you 
with that joke, and you make my son a murder victim."
	Amanda covered Steve's body back up and started toward her. 
"He was my friend," she said. "How could you?"
	Jesse had his mouth covered and was unable to speak, but he 
started towards her as well. She back up against the table as she looked 
at the three. "I didn't do it!" she wailed. "I just played a few practical 
jokes! I didn't want anyone to get killed.
	Suddenly, the body behind her sat up. Melanie screamed and 
ran across the room and out the door to find that all of the murder 
victims stood just outside alive and well and smiling at her. She looked 
at them, shocked, then turned around to look at the covered body in 
the morgue as it still sat up. Steve pulled the sheet away to reveal that 
he was still as alive and well as the others were.
	Melanie walked back into the room and smacked his arm. "This 
is sooo not funny!"
	"I told you that paybacks were hell," Steve said as he swung his 
legs over the edge of the table and hopped off, joining her in the 
doorway.
	"But my jokes were funny," Melanie said.
	"Not for us," Brice said. "I really enjoyed seeing you squirm 
while Steve was questioning you."
	Melanie fisted her hand as if she might hit someone then let it 
drop to her side. She turned to Mark. "You were in on this weren't 
you?"
	"From the beginning," he answered.
	"Traitor," Melanie said then looked around at everyone with a 
tight smile.
	"Funny," Mark said. "That's what Steve said to me after you 
played the prank on him."
	Melanie turned to Nathan James. "You had a bullet hole in your 
head."
	"Yeah, I did," he replied. "It looked real didn't it?"
	Melanie rolled her eyes. "You're all nuts," she said. "You know 
that?"
	"You drove us there," Steve said.
	Melanie looked around and laughed. Everyone laughed along 
with her.