THE STORY BEHIND THE POEM HOT STUFF
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Don Johnson, or DJ as we all call him,
was working night shift one night. Pepper spray if left for a period of
time, will become ineffective because the pepper all settles to the bottom.
Standard proceedure is to shake the cannister up and give it a little test
spray every now and again. DJ on this particular night did just that. Whenever
you spray the spray though, there is inevitably a little backsplash that
settles on your hand.
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Another proceedure that seems to have
been adopted over the years is that policemen wash their hands before they
use the bathroom and again after. The reason for the before of course is
that you work in fairly dirty conditions and you tend to deal with the
criminal element of society, who are not up on advances in personal hygene.
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For some reason, probably because it was
the start of shift, DJ forgot the wash before routine. Well naturally,
the backsplash on his hands was transferred to a rather sensitive area.
Nothing happened immediately, but on his first call, it required some physical
exertion and the sweat produced, activated the pepper spray. Things started
to heat up and DJ was squirming all about. DJ’s partner a very attractive
police woman, AJ Pacey, wondered what was wrong. DJ told her, and she couldn’t
stop laughing. DJ was bouncing up and down by now, and being a cold night,
there was dew condensed on cars all around. DJ, being desperate and in
considerable pain by now, rubbed his hands through the dew to get them
nice and wet and stuffed them down the front of his pants. Instead of helping
the situation, the extra moisture only made it worse. This increased DJ’s
antics, causing AJ to laugh even harder.
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I asked DJ how he settled the problem
and he told me that they jumped in the car and made a beeline to his sisters
apartment who lived nearby. DJ raced into her bathroom, peeled off his
pants and straddled her pedestal sink and sat there for an hour soaking
his on-fire body parts.
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Of course my spies came through with the
information and the poem was born. The poem was presented to DJ while on
coffee break one evening with his Sargeant, AJ and several other squad
members present. I figured I had a good one just by DJ’s reaction as he
giggled all the way through reading it.
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