A lovely treat awaits you if you value brilliant writing and wonderful acting more than state-of-the-art special effects. I think you've heard of the script -- centuries-old, eternally new: Bill Shakespeare's zany, sexy romp, "A Midsummer Night's Dream."
 
Its previous film and stage versions are countless, but allow me to mention the first and last in my memory: Max Reinhardt's great 1935 movie with James Cagney as Bottom, Olivia de Havilland (her film debut) and Mickey Rooney as Puck. All other celluloid "Dreams" are to be measured against this one. On the current end of the spectrum is the Pittsburgh Public Theater's staging last year -- charming in every way but especially for the extreme youthfulness of its cast.

In between, a dozen or so years ago, try as I might to repress it, I recall a Gridiron parody version for which Post-Gazette cartoonist Tim Menees conned me into playing the Lion. I am a brilliant actor in theory and a lousy one in practice. Tim loves -- and I hate -- nothing more than a live audience. I had a claustrophobic anxiety attack inside the sweltering costume and blew the lines. It was the last time I ever set foot on the boards. I alternately thank and curse Menees for this, depending on my Prozac's impact du jour.

Yes, well, so much for me. Time to reiterate what a fine rendering -- particularly of the "Pyramus and Thisbe" play-within-a-play parody -- director Michael Hoffman has wrought in this "Dream," and how beautifully he depicts the bizarre confusion of our lovers' predicaments.

It's all due to the misguided magic of Oberon (Rupert Everett) and Puck (Stanley Tucci), of course, who will eventually get their comeuppance. But before they do, we will be treated to Kevin Kline's single best film performance to date. I say it and I mean it about a guy who has half a dozen superb achievements to his credit, including "The Big Chill" (1983), "Silverado" (1985), "I Love You to Death" (1990) "Soapdish" (1991), "Dave" (1993) -- and the immortal role for which he won an Oscar in "A Fish Called Wanda" (1988 -- my favorite movie of the whole hideous Reagan-Bush decade). Here, Kline is excellent as Bottom, turned into the Ass of all seasons -- funny, sad, subtle, terrific. He is not only capable but wonderfully adept at classic Elizabethan delivery and nuance.

Among the other treats are Michelle Pfeiffer as Titania opposite Everett's sexy Oberon (semi-naked most of the time), and the sparing, appropriate use of operatic arias and intermezzi for soundtrack emphasis of the action. It seemed to take ages for Mendelssohn's great "Midsummer Night's Dream" Overture (written at the age of 17!) to be employed -- but was worth the wait.

The one disappointment is Stanley Tucci's Puck. He's not bad but decidedly too old. Puck is a kid! I kept wanting and thinking of Mickey Rooney.

But the flaw is not fatal. The beautiful English pastoral locations and restrained acting make this one of the best-filmed Shakespeare dramas I've ever seen. Special effects? A few understated ones -- mostly glitter and enchanted forest stuff, never overdone. No need to hire Lucasfilm's Industrial Light & Magic in San Francisco. I've never seen so many people emerge from a movie with such smiles on faces, holding hands. It's a "date film" for all ages.

I love this play and this film version of it for a dozen reasons, mostly because you don't have to be college-educated to "get" it. All you have to be is more interested in the English language and the human love condition than in droids or laser shows.

That's you, dahling. Oh, what fools you mortals be if you fail to check it out.