January 1, 1999 Hey, Welcome! This is our band journal. This is the place where you can read about the trials and tribulations of the band "BLENDRE".Let me tell you a little about us. Blendre is pronounced "blender". We're an "original" band that plays "original" music. We are by no means a "cover" band. Our hope for this journal is to connect our listeners to us in a personal way. To give anybody interested in us, an opportunity to feel closer to our music as well as ourselves. A chance to come along on our journey. A chance to feel like they can be a part of our experience. After all, what good is music if no one hears it? You know what I mean, right? That whole "what if a tree falls in the woods thing". By the way my name is John. I play bass, write songs and sing them. Thanks for reading. Peace, John January 7, 1999 Let me tell you about last night's practice… It's scary how well things are coming along. Antony introduced a new song he wrote. I'm glad he felt ready to contribute, being the new guy and all. That makes the ratio five to one. I think that's right…We have five songs of mine to his one…I'm not sure, I've been out of math class for a long time, you math whizzes out there will have to let me know if my whole "ratio thing" makes any sense. I think you know what I mean. Anyway, things are moving right along schedule and we're very excited to "play out". Everything about the band is going great. Except for this web site, it's taking so long to get it up and running. I can't wait until I get the hang of this "html" stuff. Hang in there my fellow "net folk", for one day I will learn how to make my counter work! "And as GOD as my witness, we shall never go hungry again"! Have to go now it's getting late. Thanks for coming by…. Peace, John January 8, 1999 I was just listening to a tape of our rehearsal and I was just amazed by Ed's drumming. It's hard to believe it's only one person playing drums. It sounds like we have a whole huge percussion section. Antony too, impressed me tonight with his creative guitar playing. I'm very happy "blending" with them. I bet this sounds pretty boring but I am saying this for a reason, I do have a point. The point being, it is so horrible to be involved with musicians whom you don't like or respect. A band is very much like a marriage, and the songs are like children. The guitarist we had right before Antony and after Jeff, was such an asshole. Instead of telling us he wasn't interested in the type of music we're doing, he tried to make us change it. I believe he wanted to do this because he didn't have the creativity to do what the music called for. He came from a background of cover bands and in that genre you need to play what's written. There is no room for creative interpretation, making it a perfect genre for those who aren't creative. When we explained that we weren't willing to change our plan at this stage, he became insulting and criticizing. We said "if you don't like our style and how we handle our instruments why are trying to join us in the first place". Have to go now, Buttons has to go potty and It's too late for me to pull out the old mop and pail if she goes on the floor. Peace, John January 14, 1999 Nothing much has changed with our rehearsal status. Everything is moving along. You know what's pretty cool? We're haven't even played out yet as "Blendre" and we still have offers to play places with other bands we've met through the years. It's really nice to see bands supporting other bands. Oh, before I forget, we took our first band picture tonight.We took it in front of my house. It was freezing outside, and like an idiot,I had no coat on. Be sure to watch our web site in the next couple of days because there will be a lot of updates. Thanks for coming by... Peace, John January 21, 1999 We have a goal to play out at an "open mic" by February. Our play out date is approaching quickly. Tonight we cleaned house sort to speak. We went over our setlist and decided on the definitive arrangements for each song. We would play around with each song to see which arrangement was best. It was cool that we all agreed with the final out come. Currently, in the studio we're having problems with the sound levels. We have yet to nail down our settings on our amps.This is a task we just have to put time aside for. It's a tedious job but we have to do it. This'll probably be done sometime next week. Our regular rehearsals will be disrupted due to late hours at work for Ed. It'll work out , this way Antony and I will finally be able to do those sound checks we need to without taking away from our practice time. We're also scheduled to work on our harmonies. Good Night... Peace, John January 25, 1999 Only news to report is we got another invitation from a band we just met to do a couple of shows with them. They are called "Soulfist". They're great "professionals". Check out their web site on our links page. I also made another web site called "BOARDWALK WEB". It's a little site I threw up to make use of my treasured "postcards". You'll find it on our links page as well. Peace, John February 4, 1999 I decided a long time ago that I would always be honest with my music and any other artistic endeavor. Well, this web page should be no different. So, here it goes...I don't want this to come across as airing our dirty laundry, if it does come across this way I apologize. Well, it looks like it's not going to work out with our guitarist Antony. We're very upset about this but it's the way it has to be. There are many reasons. The only one I can share with you at this time is reason #1.he's canceling practices left and right. This is very bad. It's very disturbing to Ed and I that this is occurring at this time. Being we're so close to playing "out" and all. We're heartbroken and frustrated. I'll give you more details after Friday when we have a talk with Antony. I can't tell you what a pain it is going to be to find a replacement. Peace, John February 7, 1999 I must say that the Antony situation has taken a turn for the worst. We haven't heard from him in a long time. He said he would call us on Friday telling us what time we should pick him up for practice…but we never got a call and it's Sunday. It's weird all of his stuff is still here. We can't officially take another guitarist Until we tell Antony he's out. Though we have officially started our search. We're really happy with the amount of responses. We received 20 e-mails. Out of those 20, only 9 made it to the second and third cuts. The rest were interested but they didn't want to rehearse the minimum of 3 days. If we don't hear from Antony by the end of the month he looses the courtesy of being told he's being replaced. Who knows, maybe he wants to quit but doesn't have the maturity to tell us. Why is he leaving his stuff here? I don't know…Anyway, we're trying to give everyone a fair, honest "looking at". I'm sure out of all these people we must find somebody. I hope. You know what would be terrible? What if we found too many people that were right for us? Yeah, right… Peace, John February 8, 1999 I was speaking to Jeff today. He was our old guitarist before Antony. He said he would sit in for any shows we had booked if we needed him. That was very cool of him to offer. This takes a little pressure off of us. Antony is such a jerk for leaving us in limbo like this. He really is an odd person. A few weeks ago Ed and I were in the middle of a conversation with him in the studio when out of the blue, in the middle of a sentence I was saying , he unstrapped his guitar and marched into the bathroom without saying anything. That's odd. No "excuse me" or "be right back". This happened again another time while Were playing some Cds for him to listen to, he just got up and walked into the other room and picked up a magazine and started reading it with out saying a word to us. Isn't that odd? A lot of times we ask him questions and he just stares into space. I know the signs of drug abuse and he doesn't show any of the obvious ones. Another time I offered him something to eat and he yelled back "what is that suppose to mean!". Ed and I were so tired of not having a band that when we got Antony, we overlooked all of his little quirks. Maybe we shouldn't have because Now he's wasting a lot of our time and messing with our future and our music and our life. Peace, John February 9, 1999 I spoke to the booking agent for the club "Images" today. They still want us to play there. I was really happy that the invitation was still open. I was annoyed that we kind of are back to square one because of the Antony situation. Antony is out, it's just official yet. I know in the long run, it is for the better. Antony is not the kind of person I'd want to be"signed" with. I didn't "click" with him initially but thought with an open mind, and gave him a chance. He was so difficult to deal with. He was so "damaged" that even "acts of kindness" directed at him , was taken offensively. It became very taxing, dealing with him. He had to leave sooner or later but I just thought it would have been later. I thought we would have gotten at least a couple of shows out of him. Over all I am really excited about his departure. I'm very excited about finding that "3rd" partner, "3rd" musketeer, etc. I am not thrilled with the process of finding that person. It amazes me. We know bands that have 2 guitarist and have no problems finding a third if needed. Well, that's not our story. I am getting more and more excited about the future, our future. I haven't felt this way in a long time. I feel wiser and stronger than I ever have before. I can feel something on the horizon. I know that sounds weird or corny but it is how I feel. Ed also has been growing and growing as a percussionist. He was working on his timbales and it sounded great. I'm getting a sore throat. It hurts when I swallow. I hate that. I think I 'm making it retreat with vitamins, juice, and hot tea. I couldn't really sing tonight. I never like not being able to sing. Who does, right? The newest song I'm really in love with . There is a lot for me to juggle with this song. Singing and playing gets a little tricky at times but I'll have the hang of it by next week. Peace, John February 11, 1999 I just finished sending out e-mails to notify the people who have been kind enough to respond to our guitar ad that our search has been stopped. We needn't look any more. We finally found our 3rd part. It feels "right" this time. I think, I hope. I'm tired and afraid to get my hopes up. Any way not only is this new guy a great "talent", he's a great person as well. A really nice guy. Ed and I are in shock at the moment. It hasn't hit us yet. The cool thing is this "guy" seems to feel the same way as we do. If you want to know his name you'll have to check out our "Band Bio" page. I feel bad about all of the people we were suppose to meet after this "guy". You see, we're so sure we want this "guy" that it seems like a waste of everybody's time to see the rest of the people. Now our band journal should begin to get really interesting. Peace, John February 16, 1999 Things have been going great with Joe. It's too good to be true. We're scared of loosing him. The guitarist we had in the past weren't really worth anything. Joe is the first guitarist we'd actually really miss if he left. We've played 3 days. In these 3 days he's learned 3 songs. A song a day. We like what he's playing. It's just "clicking". We are really in shock. He's commitied to 4 days a week, he has great energy, he jumps around and sings all of the songs. We couldn't ask for anything more. We haven't gone over the harmonies yet but I'm sure things'll turn out great with them. It's good to have him here. Do you believe Antony's crap is still here and we haven't heard from either! Peace, John February 17, 1999 We finally got a hold of Antony. I called his house and left a message saying that if he didn't call us back to make arrangements for him to pick up his stuff, I would leave it with his landlord, on the street. He called right back. I didn't speak to him, Ed did. Joe and I stood by as Ed listened to Antony's lame excuses for not handling the situation as an adult.Don't get me wrong, we're not sorry he left (we never really liked him). We wished he could have told us sooner, so we wouldn't have wasted so much time waiting for him. He left us in limbo. He was a weirdo. Tomorrow night we're going to drop his stuff at his house. I'll let you know what happens. Peace, John February 18, 1999 Here's how it went down; I stayed in the car while Ed rang Antony's doorbell and Joe stood in the street looking over Ed's shoulder. I was too afraid that I would say something to Antony that I would regret, so I needed to keep my distance. It went down with no complications. Antony handed over our stuff and we handed over his. He wanted us to come in his apartment so he could relieve his guilt and explain why he left us hanging in limbo for over a month. But that was a courtesy we did not give him. It feels great to have that chapter closed. There's more things that he did over the 3 months that I'd love to write here to let you know how we're justified in not going in his apartment and parting with a handshake. I don't think this should be the place to vent negative things about a person even if they are true. We're just so glad he's out of our life and Joe is in. Peace, John February 19, 1999 This is my first entry of many more to come. I would like to thank John and Ed for this opportunity. It's only been a week that we have been playing and it just keeps getting better. I am amazed at the progress made by John, Ed and myself. I see great things in the future for BLENDRE. Peace... Joe February 25, 1999 This is my first entry and I figure I'll start by saying that we were refused entry to a gothic club tonight and I couldn't have been prouder, we went as a band and apparently our lust for life and healthy attitudes were not welcome, even though we didn't get in I was happy to be outside as a band. Ed February 26, 1999 We're really getting into the swing of things. The chemistry between us is very evident. We enjoy each other's company even when we're not playing music. Though we've only known Joe for a few weeks, it seems like we've known him a lot longer. The situation only seems to get better. It's so great to be able to concentrate on our goals and our music and not have to worry about our guitarist showing up or not. I've noticed that Joe came from an environment very different than Ed and myself. Hey, it makes for interesting blending. Peace, John March 5, 1999 Today we booked our first show. It's at a little hole in the wall called "Images". I know it's not much but as far as I'm concerned, if our first show was "Chuck E Cheese", I'd be happy, just because it's our "first". Everybody remembers their "first time". You have to start somewhere. I can't expect us to play at the "Garden" for our "first" show. Being we're new as a band, playing at a club like "Images" let's us put less pressure on ourselves. All we want is to have a place to play out so our friends and well wishes can hear our music. I'm so tired of being jealous of my friends who had bands and were playing out when I had nothing. So now, with having a band and our "first" show booked, I'm pretty excited! Peace, John March 19, 1999 The show is now only 20 days away. I'm beginning to get very nervous. This is odd for me. I've performed in public more times than I can count, but for April 8th, I feel differently. It's not just because this is the first time I'll ever be playing bass and singing in front of a crowd, there's more. You know what's great? It's going to be like a dream come true for me. Sounds corny but who the hell cares, it's the truth and the truth is never corny. Back in 1994 I had many a dark day. I couldn't see how my life would ever be worth living again. I could not conceive of my life continuing, much less continuing with playing music. The thought of playing a show at that time seemed a million years away...Anyway, the show is going to be very unique due to the make up of the crowd. It seems the audience is going to be made up of our friends and well wishes. Did you see that movie, "Pee Wee's Big Adventure"? If you did you'll know what I mean. For those of you who haven't seen it, I'll explain. Pee Wee Herman gets separated from his precious bike and goes on an odyssey in search of it. While on his journey he comes across a whole bunch of characters. By the end of the movie Pee Wee gets his bike back and Hollywood decides to make a movie about his story. At the premiere of the movie in a movie, Pee Wee is joined by all of the characters he met on his way to find his bike. Well, I kind of feel like Pee Wee. All of my friends will be at this show. It's very heart warming. I guess that's where my nervousness comes from. For me it's always harder to perform in front of friends and family as oppose to strangers. All I can do is just make sure I'm prepared. Peace, John April 1, 1999 Some bad news to report, our show at "Images" was cancelled. April Fools! Gotcha! No, our shoe is still on. Did I say shoe? Looks that way, well our show is still on as well as our shoes or sneakers in my case. It's about a week away. We're very busy fine tuning. It's very hectic but we're learning a lot about each other and are getting closer and closer. So much is going on, it's great to be busy with things you love. I was so excited just to go to the printers to order the labels for our tapes. Finally it's my turn for something good to happen. There's that part of me that's looking out for that "bad" thing to happen. Sooner or later that little negative voice will be gone. It takes practice to be positive but it certainly is worth it. We are really excited about recording our first demo tomorrow. I'm just going to relax and not worry and pray that our hard work will pay off and result in a demo we're proud of. A busy, busy week my fellow Blendites! We're recording tomorrow, then 6 days after that is our first show, then 3 weeks after that we have another show then a week after that we have yet another show! We are waiting to hear from a few other clubs for some more shows. Thanks for reading and supporting us. I'm so excited, I hope I'll be able to get to sleep tonight. Peace and Goodnight, John April 2, 1999 Well, our recording session did not go as smooth as I would have liked. To start off with, we had trouble before we even got to the studio. Ed and I had a conflict with Joe. I still don't understand why. Nerves maybe, I don't know. I care not to examine it at this time. If more conflicts occur then I'll pay more attention to the "whys" and to their meaning and to the action needed for their resolution. It really takes time to get to know people. It's been my experience that there is no such thing as "love at first sight". You can't really force intimacy. It really takes time to mesh. Sure, sometimes the meshing goes faster than other times but over all good friendships take work , work which takes time. Like I said, I'm not concerned. I mean we're under a lot of pressure with recording and our first show right around the corner. Upsets are bound to happen. Recording was such a learning experience. It was very humbling. It really showed us what we're made of. It showed us the areas we need to work on as well as our strong points. It was discouraging at times. All I kept thinking was "are we ready for the 8th?" I then realized that I was being too hard on myself and that even if we mess up big time (which we won't) it's not the end of the world. It's our first show. So many people are looking forward to hearing us I hope we live up to their expectations. John April 4, 1999 Happy Easter! Well, I took my nephews to the park. We were playing tag and I tried to run away from the person who was "it" and I slipped on some logs that were tied together to make a platform and twisted my right ankle. To make a long story short... I sprained my ankle and damaged some tendons. I now have a brace of some kind on my ankle and need the assistance of crutches to get around. This will not stop me from doing the show on the 8th! I'll have someone help me on stage and I'll sit on a stool if I have to. "Break a leg, huh"? John April 6, 1999 Rehearsal was crappy tonight. I was so groggy with my pain medication that I could barely sing or pay attention. What are you gonna do???? Things'll be ok , the show will go fine right? right? right! I don't even know the cover yet without looking at the music. Nothing like being prepared,huh. No! We are prepared! One bad rehearsal does not a bad band make. Things could be a lot worse. I'm going to go to sleep now and count my blessings. #1. I have my health, hmmm, well not really, ok scratch that one. How about this; #1. I have crutches. Ok, I'd better quit while I'm ahead. Peace, John April 7, 1999 What's the old show biz adage? Bad dress rehearsal, great show. I pray it is true in our case or tomorrow's journal entry will be my suicide note. Only kidding, I think.... I never expected to feel this way the night before our first show. I feel horrible!!!! The harmonies were terrible! I knew Joe needed more work but you know the old saying, "you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him practice harmonies". Hey, Joe! What's with the metal solo?! John April 8, 1999 Talk about being reborn, talk about what a difference a day makes. Can I fit any more cliches in? The show went great! We all were very happy. Ed said it was the happiest day of his life. I told him there will be many more days like this to come. Actually, I didn't say that but I will when I see him tomorrow. Joe felt just as elated. It certainly was a day to remember. I can't believe how bad we felt yesterday and how well it turned out today. That's a lesson for all my little Blendites out there; If you're having a bad day and it feels like everything sucks and you can't take it anymore, wait 24 hours. Things just might turn out better than you expected. I'm so in shock right now. Trying to soak in the sincere compliments and take the criticism constructively. I really haven't heard anything negative. I think it boils down to whether we're your 'cup of tea". There were no major mistakes or regrets other than an undetectable note off here and there or a harmony or 2 missing. No one in the crowd noticed, I believe. I feel we really bonded with the crowd and that I made them feel at home. The sound system wasn't too great. People couldn't hear every word I was singing which normally they can. I also got a few shocks from the microphone. Overall, it really was a great first show. The best part for me was all of the loving supportive faces. It was just like the ending of the "Pee Wee" movie. I was so touched by all of the people that came to see us. I felt bad for the band that followed because when we left theaudience left as well. What was especially nice was that a few people from other bands came to support us. Steve Falco from "Soulfist" was there and he sat right up front. James Bean from "Liquid Spider Station" was in the back along with Gino Gambino from "Bomb Paris". Gino was especially helpful when my mouth got dry and I needed water he ran to the bar and got it for me. I can't wait to do it again. I can't wait to finish our demo. I can't wait to only do this everyday. Tonight really was a dream come true of sorts. I'd like to take this time to publicly thank the following people for coming to the show ; Yolanda "Lasagna" Gonzalez, she drove all the way in from Pa. Aunt Ellen, Christine, Mark and Melissa Scheurer, Clint and Lauren, Gino and Carly Gambino and their fetus, Steve Falco, John and James Bean, Ronnie Mulcahy, Dawn and Shocto, Chris, Patty and Sean, and last but not least, by any means, my Gwenn Marie and Raymond. It was truly a magical night for me. A very nice start for Blendre indeed. Peace, John April 9, 1999 Well, it's the day after our premiere show. I know one thing for certain... I am making music for all of the right reasons. On every level it felt "right". We really had a great reaction from all of those who were at the show. Today came the inevitable doubting. Today I am able to look at the day with a more objective set of eyes. Over all the day I feel, was still very "special" and "surreal". I couldn't help but wonder about the objective opinion from someone who didn't know us. That certainly is a difficult opinion to find at this stage of the game. . I'm not sure why I was doing this but, I kept searching to find something negative in everyone's comments. I do know that every one was in agreement that the sound sounded awful. At times I couldn't be understood. The club, "Images" is notorious for a bad sound system. This is why all of our friends bands don't play there. That and the fact they say that Marcella (the booking person) is a bitch. Well, I wasn't happy with the sound and Marcella has yet to show her bitchy side to me. Though I could see her behaving that way. Because we're cool and respectful to her, she doesn't need to show her bitchy side to us. Back to the feedback from the show. A comment I found interesting was that Some people felt that the show was all me, like I was the star and the other guys were there to back me up.I totally understand how this could come across this way. I was sitting on a stool because of my "bum" leg,I did all of the talking and singing. This is not the way I want Blendre to be represented at all! We need the harmonies and I need to be standing. I don't mind doing all of the talking. Had we more material, I wouldn't need to speak as much. Don't get me wrong for this show it was great that I spoke. Everyone enjoyed the conversation. It really bonded the room and it enhanced the enjoyment of each song. Considering everything, it was a great first show, and we'll only get better and better. To top things off, Marcella called to offer us 4 more shows at "Images". I wanted to accept right on the spot but I had to get the approval from the other guys. She said fine, get back to her ASAP. Ed was fine with all of the dates as was I but Joe said he had to wait a few days and he would get back to us. Initially our plan was that we take every show offered unless it conflicted with another show date. We all agreed with this rule at our first meeting so I'm confused as to why Joe would have to get back to us or why he would have any reservations. April 25, 1999 Mark this day in your Blendre History books! We completed our first demo! I loved every aspect of recording in a studio! I learned so much and have a new respect for any recording of music I hear. So much goes into making a recording that I never really realized. There is also an added pressure when you're paying for it yourself. Every second you waste is money out your own pocket so you kind of rush in places where you would have liked to take more time, had someone else been footing the bill. Overall, we're really pleased with the final product. There were a few mixing choices that'll have to grow on me. Overall, I think I speak for all 3 of us when I say we're really happy with the experience and the end result. My only concern is that we may not be able to duplicate it live. I did all of the harmonies on the demo and obviously I can't sing 2 parts simultaneously on stage. Hopefully by the next show Joe will take the time to learn the harmonies. Peace, John May 3, 1999 I'm really happy with people's reaction to our demo. I feel they are genuinely impressed and surprised by the result of our labor. What concerned me was the comments some people made comparing us "live" to the recording. Some people (who will remain nameless) thought the songs were good, but when they heard the studio versions, they were blown away! I feel bad about this. If we do another show without the harmonies, I'm going to feel like I'm letting down the audience. Peace, John May 5, 1999 I was noticing today how very different Joe is from John and I. It sometimes seems like he is dead set against everything we stand for, I'm not just speaking musically. At first I thought our differences would make for cool "blending" but now I'm not sure... I'm wondering if this is going to cause problems down the road. I'm also concerned about the ultimate direction the band may take because of these incompatibilities with Joe. Later, Ed
May 8th, 1999 Where do I begin? The good thing about the show was I was able to stand, no stool. There was only 3 people in the audience, Aunt Ellen, Christine, and Yolanda. Believe it or not we drew the biggest crowd of the night. The band before us had nobody in the audience and the band after us had 1 girl who looked like she didn't want to be there. Our "faithful 3" drank and tipped at the bar very generously, and made the most of the evening. The sound was awful. I kept getting electric shocks from the microphone and I couldn't hear anything from the monitors. I was very happy there was only 3 people at the show. Joe basically didn't sing any harmonies and when he did, we sounded horrible. Joe played guitar parts we never heard before and they didn't fit. It was very upsetting and confusing. By the end of the night we were very upset at many things. I just wanted us to do our tape justice and was unhappy that we were unable to. Ed too was upset. Joe seemed to be unaffected. I guess the big revelation of the evening was the showing of Marcella's true colors. After our first show at "Images", Marcella seemed very pleased by our performance and the crowd we drew, at this show she was that "bitchy" person everyone warned us about. She complained that we didn't bring enough people and that the vocals sounded horrible (ouch) and I shouldn't have complained about her sound system while on stage. She added that she wasn't going to have us back for future shows unless we brought more people. I agree with her that the harmonies sounded bad and that I shouldn't have asked from stage "can you hear me?" to the crowd. But you know, I wouldn't have if there was a huge crowd but the crowd consisted of my family and friends so I asked... I also believe commitment is a 2 way street. She and I agreed on 5 shows all together. Unless I was causing damage to her club she has no right break the agreement or make threats about canceling. We made a commitment for these certain dates, I posted them on the web site and I made flyers. I feel it is unprofessional of her to book us then cancel us or threaten to cancel us. It is unprofessional if either party cancels. If she wasn't sure about us, then she should have waited before booking us so many times. Being she booked us, she should have honored her agreement and then not rebook us anymore. Anyway I decided then that I didn't want to do business with a club like this so I cancelled all BLENDRE's shows with "Images". Peace, John May 10, 1999 We had a meeting to discuss the state of Blendre. I never thought I'd feel this way after a show. I always imagined things different in my head. I know every show isn't going to be perfect but something is wrong here. I can't put my finger on it. Anyway, we decided to work really hard before our next show in Hoboken on the 14th. We've been working so hard these past few months and a lot of our personal chores are piling up. Joe has to get things done with his car, Ed is trying to get his head together for some other projects he's working on, and I have to secure a descent day job. After our show on the 14, we'll take some time off to get this mundane crap out of the way. Then we will see if we can address our band issues with a clear head. Peace, John May 13, 1999 It feels great the night before a show. Every show feels like Christmas. You know that excitement and anticipation you felt before the holidays when you were a kid? I feel that before every show. So these feelings set me up to feel very bad when a show doesn't go well. It's like getting a lump of coal in your stocking or Chia Pet under the tree. I'm not worried about that right now. I think we did it. It's the day before our show at "Love Sexy" in Hoboken and we sound very comparable to our demo. We changed some guitar parts, went over and changed the harmonies. Though they're compromised from the recording they're still good. I don't understand why Joe doesn't embrace the harmonies because he really has a good voice. I'm getting the feeling that this situation is very unfair to Joe. He's just not into what we're into and to keep after him to keep our original vision is to ask him to change and that isn't fair to him. He's great at what he does and is very dedicated but I don't think he's right for Blendre. He can't be happy. This whole week of working really hard must have been a royal pain in the ass for him. It couldn't have been fun. I guess after this show, when we regroup we'll address this topic. The important thing is at least as of now we're cool. This show in Hoboken is very important to Blendre. It's our first show in Hoboken. Once you play 1 show in Hoboken you can then play another show in Hoboken. Hoboken's a little more hip than Fairview, NJ. After you play a couple of shows in Hoboken you can then play in NYC. Once you play in the city you can play anywhere. It's much more easier for Record company people to come see you in the city as oppose to any where in Jersey (no offense to my home state). Also this club pays and if we do well we'll be invited back. This club as all clubs in Hoboken, have a big "walk-in" crowd. So the potential to be seen by more people than you invite is there. A brother band of ours got us in too. The band, Liquid Spider Station has been our friends for years and they're doing real well. They're doing us a favor getting us in this club, sight unseen, and blah, blah, blah. You know what I'm saying. We invited a lot of people that couldn't make they other shows, so...Thanks for hanging in there with us. Peace, John May 14, 1999 Today was the big show. Like I said before, I always get a Christmas-like feeling before a show. I was very excited about this show. I remember seeing bands in Hoboken and feeling very jealous and now finally, my band, is playing in Hoboken! Many people were invited and expected to show up. It was difficult to gage but I say we had as many people at this show as we had at our first show, not to mention the people who just walked in. Our biggest crowd so far. There were a lot of little good luck signs before the show for me. On the drive to the show I heard some Beatles songs (need I say more?) on the radio at the right moment to inspire me, there was a carnival (you know how I am mesmerized by rides) around the corner from the club, and last but not least, I found parking! This is no small feat in Hoboken. I sat inside to watch the equipment while Joe and Ed continued to unpack. I was suppose to be keeping my eyes on our gear but instead I had them glued to the stage along with my ears. There was this really tight, cool sounding band with great harmonies and catchy tunes on stage. It was the band, the Catholic Girls. I really dug them. It was really cool to be on a bill with a great sounding band that clearly had their crap together. I wonder if they're on the internet. I'll look them up tomorrow. After their set I went back stage to tell them how much I enjoyed their music. They had a film crew with them of some kind and there was a lot of hustle and bustle going on back stage. I didn't want to get in the way so I was only able to give my support to one of the girls, the guitarist, Roxy. She seemed very nice and downed to earth. By the time I was done hob knobing with one of the Catholic Girls, (if you could call an 8 second conversation hob knobing) the guys were finished loading our stuff in the little off stage area in front. It was around 10:00pm we weren't suppose to go on until 11:15pm. Ed and I hung out talking with our guests, thanking them for coming to the show while Joe waited out side of the club waiting for a friend of his to show up. It was very apparent that a major rift was there between us. I must say all 3 of us were very civil to each other on the surface. At 10:45pm we were notified that we would be going on 1:00am. We were a little Upset by this not for ourselves but for our guests. Some traveled a long way to get here and some even had work in the morning. So we lost a few people, but for the most part we still had a decent crowd.It was difficult for us to stay awake. I felt very guilty and grateful . Guilty we were the reason our guests had to stay so late and grateful that they did stay so late. The big question was about to be answered. Did all of our practicing and cramming pay off? In my opinion it did not. No one really noticed the goof ups but all of the personal goals we set as a band we did not achieve. Ed dropped a drumstick and he recovered it very nicely but when he came back in he was too fast, and one of my strings went out of tune and I missed a couple of notes while I was trying to think of alternative fingering on another string. I was very upset at myself. Joe was the only one who didn't have a mishap. He played what he usually played, ignoring all of the special changes we made during this past week's practice and with the exception of one line, he didn't sing any harmonies. I must say none of these goofs were noticeable from the audiences point of view. Disappointment was largely felt by me alone. Everyone seemed to feel it was worth the wait, with the exception of Ed's stuck up cousin. Even the guy who books the bands, was very complimentary. He paid us ( which is a first) and invited us back any time. On the ride back to my house I felt very sad. This version of Blendre isn't working. It isn't living up to it's potential. Things don't feel right. Things aren't going the way they're suppose to be going. In a few days we'll regroup and have another band meeting . Peace, John May 16, 1999June 21, 1999 The dust has now settled. This is where we stand, Joe is gone, all shows are put on hold. Our official statement read "Since February of 1999, Blendre's schedule has been hectic. Between rehearsing 4 times a week and recording their demo and playing shows, a lot of their personal business has piled up. So, as of May 14, 1999, Blendre will be taking a couple of weeks off to regroup." This isn't the end of Blendre, just an ending of a chapter. We hoped our summer would be full of shows but that's not the case. We could use this time to catch up with our daily crap. I'm sad about this but ... Listen to this, I started a correspondence with the Catholic Girls. I wrote them a letter just saying, how I dug their music and how much it meant for me to be on the same bill as them and they wrote back asking if they could post my letter on their web site. I said sure! I then continued to write them, I put a link for them on our site, I bought their CD. My goal, was to form a professional relationship, perhaps share some experiences, network, just kind of be supportive. Being I genuinely was a fan of their music, I thought it would be neat to ask them questions about their music. Nothing offensive, the kind of questions you'd read in "Spin" or something. Well, I guess the Catholic Girls saw it differently. I guess they were afraid I was trying to stalk them or something because the last letter I wrote them had a lot of questions about song writing and stuff like that. I also asked them, which one of them was I speaking with, who was typing their letters. They were signing their emails, with all 3 girls names. I mean we do that at first but after I start corresponding with some one, I sign off, Peace, John. I just wanted to know who I was speaking to. I mean she knew who she was speaking to.Being I sent my last letter on May 26, 1999 and it's now June 21, 1999 and they haven't responded, I believe I may have offended them. Oh well, "whataya gonna du?". Just 1 more thing to make my day more sunny huh... If they don't write back to invite me to their next show in July, then I'll know for certain that I frightened them. Peace, John July 28, 1999 Punk rock does not come from up state, I don't care what state it is, it could be upstate fuckin' Montana, if someone says ,"I'm from upstate and I play punk rock " , they're full of shit. Rock and roll from upstate is the equivalent to a starving artist from Sarah Lawrence. My theory is they say, "I'm either gonna open a night club or start a punk band, whichever I can buy first. Another thing it doesn't go to college either, that's the total opposite, as dysfunctional or unhealthy as it may sound the rule is fuck school, fuck job security and fuck future possibilities, now I've built my life on these standards, granted its like building a high rise on two faults in the middle of LA but they have served me well. I've tried to go the straight route but I notice the lack of "feel", of "aggression". I thought "look at these fools, with the tattoos and piercings and exotic parrot like hair or the greasy fifties throwback with chain wallet driving a supercharged car with the most insulting sounds blaring from the speakers", but this is what I've been lacking. Trying to substitute these fine Christian qualities is what led to my ultimate demise. Total loss of balance like my cerebral equilibrium was not leveled. When I express my true feelings, I take responsibility but when you aren't yourself your constantly on the defense. How can you defend a "yourself", you don't even know. The moment I came to grips with this fact I felt instant gratification, like an old friend revisited. I no longer feel stifled. But it was good that I spent time as a lay person because now I know how the other half lives. And I refuse to go back.I have smacked against a wall with my head going through the windshield, woke up five years later and here I am. Peace, Ed August 31, 1999 I've been laying low for the last couple of weeks. I didn't want to write because I felt I had nothing to say but "poor us, we can't find a guitarist". The search is very painful indeed, and it continues. We've been really down about not having the right guitarist. To say we've been low is an understatement. We've gotten so low that we've even considered giving up...Ed and I may have discussed such an option but we never really believed it in our hearts. Our friends in other bands have been supportive but they can't understand why out of all of the 30 something guitarist we've seen, we can't find one! My only response is, it's like looking for an artistic wife, kind of. We got to be picky, we're entitled to be picky. We can't make the same mistakes we made in the past. No more settling or hasty choices. The great news is...it looks like our search will be over by the end of the week. Hopefully our patience and picky-ness will pay off. That's all I can say for now. Peace, John September 1, 1999 First off, I'd like to thank those of you who wrote wishing us luck in our guitarist search. You support really is appreciated. It seems it's feast or famine with us when it comes to guitarists. We've got it down to 2 guitarists and we're really torn at this point. They both seem to be good for us for different reasons. We like them both and don't want to hurt any of them, so we're really going to have to be very logical and come to a conclusion that's best for everyone involved. One way or another we will have our guitarist very soon. Peace, John September 2, 1999 Ed, may I have a drum roll please.........We'd like to welcome our new guitarist, Adam to the band!!!!!!!!!!!! For details on Adam, you'll have to check out our band pics and bios pages. We're very happy with Adam. I feel like a jerk for saying this because I said the same thing about every guitarist we've had in the past. In any case, I must say, a lot of things with Adam feel "different" this time. Just in skill alone he out shines our previous guitarists. He has experience singing and isn't afraid to practice our harmonies. He has great musical instincts and great enthusiasm. We really hope this is it. We're so tired of searching for a guitarist. We hope Adam is ready to go along with us on our journey because we're packed and ready to go. Peace, John