Bruce Wayne was BORED. All the big criminals were locked safe away in Arkham and the minor ones were keeping low profiles for some reason. And it was just a normal day at work for him.
A boring one.
He sat at his desk, rocking back and forth slightly, twirling his pencil in his left hand. He whistled the Joker's tune as he sat there. There was a genlte knock on his doors to his office.
"Come in," he said.
His secretary, Hannah Hayes, entered.
"Sir, there's someone here to see you. A Mister Mix-mix... er...?" she asked.
A short, unproportionate man shoved past her.
"That's Mister Mxyzptlk, LADY!" he yelled. He shoved her out and slammed the door in her face. He walked over and jumped onto Bruce Wayne's desk. "Hey, there Brucey, what's up?" he asked with a smile.
"Um... Can I help you?" he asked, trying to smile at this. "Mister Whatever your name is...?"
"MXYZPTLK!! Mister Mxyzptlk you rich NERD!" Bruce Wayne drew back at this. "Ah, but you aren't just some rich nerd, are you..." he leaned closer. "...Batman...?" Bruce's eyes widened and he went to say something when Mxyzptlk put a metal plate over his mouth. "Uh-uh-uh! I talk, you listen, Wayne!" he said, pacing around Bruce's desk. Bruce fought with the plate. "Stop that!" Mxyzptlk said, fastening Bruce's arms to the chair. "Now, this is usually my job to harass your little buddy in Metropolis, but he kinda banished me, so I'm here now! After I got my powers restored after three months of HADES with Bizarro, I wanted a challenge. A real challenge. But like I said, I have a restriction order from going anywhere near Clark! So, I'm here now. Talk."
The plate disappeared.
"You little, midget freak! I don't know those people! Who are you?! What do you want?!" Bruce yelled.
"AGHHH!!!" Mxyzptlk screamed, replacing the plate. "My name is Mister Mxyzptlk. And don't try to act that why, Batz! I know who all you super crime fighters are. I come from a little tiny place called the fifth dimension, Brucey," he said, sitting down in front of Bruce. "Here's the deal, Wayne. I'll let you go, but you won't get rid of me unless you can get me to say my name backwards. Now, by say I mean speaking, writing or anything thereof. And if you succeed, I'll leave for three months, but then I can come back and try it again! Comments?"
The plate disappeared again.
"Why are you doing this to me?" he asked lowly, in his Batman tone.
"Yes! Finally you're catching on, B-man! I'm doing this so we can be pals!" He stood and patted Bruce on the head. "Bye-bye!"
Mxyzptlk disappeared, as did Bruce's bonds. Bruce rubbed his hands painfully then pushed a button on his desk.
"Hannah?" he asked calmly.
"Y-Yes Mister Wayne?" she asked.
"You took a pretty nasty spill just now, are you alright?"
"I did fall on my wrist... It's bruised."
"Alright, go ahead and call Cammy and take the rest of the week off. Oh, and please have Cammy call Tim and Barbara Gordon."
"Right away, Sir. And thank you."
Bruce smiled slightly.
"You're welcome, Hannah."
Tim Drake and Barbara Gordon sat in the two chairs in front of Bruce's desk in disbelief.
"Bruce, maybe you should get some rest," Barbara said. "You've been working yourself awfully hard lately."
"No, I'm telling you I wasn't seeing things!" he said. "You saw Cammy was there! She is the backup!"
"Um. Hannah's out there," Tim said.
Bruce looked at him.
"I told her to go home." He got up and walked to the doors and opened one. "Cammy?"
"I didn't call her, Brucey. My wrist got better!" Hannah said, walking over.
Bruce mouthed 'Brucey' and looked at her strangely.
"Hannah, are you okay?" he asked, concerned.
"I'm fine!"
She suddenly latched onto him and kissed him right on the lips. He fell backwards when she finally let him go and her head transformed into Mxyzptlk's. He winked and ran off. Bruce started to spit in disgust, remaining on the ground, sitting.
"GOOD GOD!" he screamed.
Barbara and Tim slowly shifted their eyes from him to each other.
"Bruce Wayne actually disgusted when a woman kisses him?" Tim asked. "I think we should sedate him."
"Tim," Barbara said in a scolding tone. "Sympathy..." She looked to Bruce who was still disgusted. "Are you okay? Did she have onion breath or something?"
Bruce spun to her, standing.
"Didn't you see it?! That wasn't Hannah!!! It was Mxyzptlk!" he exclaimed.
"Call Arkham. Now," Tim said.
Barbara giggled. Bruce regained himself and stood straight. He narrowed his eyes and looked at them sternly.
"Fine. You'll see."
He then ran off out of the office, Barbara and Tim calling after, worried. They ran out just as the elevator doors shut with him in it.
Bruce leaned back into the elevator wall.
"Maybe they were right," he said to himself. "Maybe I am over-tired and over-worked. No. I don't imagine things like that."
The doors opened and he rushed through the main hall on the ground level. People turned in question, knowing who he was. As he went through the spinning doors he slammed into Dick Grayson.
"Bruce! I was just coming up to speak to you about that murder case," he said.
"Not now, Dick!" he said, pushing him out of the way and running out to his sports car.
Dick turned to Barbara and Tim who just ran out of the elevator.
"What's going on?" he asked, stopping them both with his hands.
"Bruce has gone off the deep end, Dick!" Barbara said. "He's saying a little man with a big head attacked him and had him chained to his office chair claiming to know he was Batman."
"Good lord. Okay, come on, my car is faster," Dick said, running out with them.
Bruce sped along the highway, determined to get home to do research on Mxyzptlk.
For several minutes he was starting to calm. Until.
"HI, B-MAN!"
He swerved the car in shock, then steadied it, looking in the rear view to Mxyzptlk.
"What do you want?!" he asked.
"To play the game! Come on, try to get me to say my name backwards!" He disappeared and reappeared in the front passenger seat, dressed like Bruce Wayne, gripping a steering wheel of his own. "Look! I'm Bruce Wayne!"
"I CAN'T EVEN SAY YOUR NAME!" Bruce yelled.
"GAR! You don't HAVE to! I have to say it!"
"Say what?!"
"Kltpzyxm!!!" he screamed. He then slunk down. Bruce let out a victorious laugh. "I fell for it again. Don't think I won't be back, Wayne!"
He vanished.
Three Months Later:
Bruce washed his hands in the kitchen sink quickly and walked out to the large living room, wiping his hands on a towel. He was extremely out of breath from the exercise he just took.
"WATCH OUT BELOW!" Tim Drake screamed.
He sailed down the banister on roller blades and launched off and did a graceful flip, landing on the couch.
"Tim!" Bruce yelled angrily.
"Yipe!"
Tim skated off quickly. Bruce walked over and fingered the damaged banister and sighed.
"I just had it polished too."
"Oh, don't worry so much, Brucey!" he heard.
"Mxyzptlk!" Bruce yelled, turning.
There floated the little man.
"In the flesh!"
"I thought you were banished in the fifth dimension!"
"For THREE MONTHS, JERK!" Mxyzptlk yelled, kicking Bruce in the jaw.
"Why you little..." Bruce lunged forward, but Mxyzptlk disappeared and reappeared behind him. "What do I have to do to get rid of you THIS time?!" he yelled.
"Bruce? Bruce, who are you talking to?" Tim asked, skating in.
"Mxyzptlk!" Bruce said.
"Oh no... Bruuuuucccceeee!!!!" Tim yelled, skating off for a phone.
"Oh god... Mxyzptlk!" Bruce turned back to him, angered.
"Please, Bruce! Call me Mxy!"
Mxyzptlk yelped as Bruce smacked him away.
"Go. a. way," he said slowly, walking off.
"Oh, come on!" he begged, flying after.
"And what's your name, again? Keltophic?" Bruce asked, turning back.
"NO! Kltpzyxm!!!!"
Bruce smirked.
"Gotcha."
"GRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Mxyzptlk faded away.
Three Months Later:
Bruce sat at his desk in his study. Barbara Gordon walked in and threw her jacket onto the couch, followed by Tim and a disgruntled Dick.
"How's Mister Insanity today?" she asked, smiling.
"Please, Barbara. I've gotten over that," he said, writing on a piece of paper.
"And just what is this?" she asked, grabbing the paper. "Kel-tee-why-em?" she asked, looking at the paper that had "Kltym" on it.
Bruce grinned.
"You'll see. Sit and watch."
The three shrugged and did so. Mxyzptlk appeared to only Bruce.
"HEY, WAYNE! I'm BACK, and this time I'm not talking at all! NO MATTER WHAT! So you can't get me to say my name! ...But first, are we goin' out?"
"Mister Mxyzptlk! Please, I want to know how you spell your name!" he said, showing him the paper. "I-I tried!"
"Oh, you SCREWED IT UP YOU IDIOT! Gimme a pen!"
Barbara, Dick and Tim went wide eyed as the paper and pen floated into mid air and began to move around. Mxyzptlk crossed out "Kltym" and rewrote "Kltpzyxm". He then groaned.
"Not again."
He poofed away and the paper and pen dropped to the ground. After a few seconds of staring at Bruce in disbelief, Dick looked to the two.
"Youguyswantpizzaletsgo!" he said quickly, running out.
They ran after.
In the Fifth Dimension
Plastered all over the room were Batman and Bruce Wayne pictures... Plastered all over the numerous Clark Kent and Superman pictures he had up there before. Mxy paced around, pondering his next move. His girlfriend had written him a "Good-bye" letter, but he ignored it, too engrossed in Bruce Wayne. He then flew over and stabbed a rubber chicken's beak to Batman's forehead in one picture.
"I will get you, my pretty! And your little pets too!" he said, pointing to the picture of him and Nightwing, Batgirl and Robin. Mxy thought a moment. "Okay, so maybe just you. BUT STILL!!!"
Three Months Later:
Bruce Wayne, knowing what was coming, sat tiredly at the batcomputer, typing at it. Suddenly, Mxy appeared. Bruce glared at him.
"Ready to get me my one-way ticket to Arkham, Mxy?" he asked. Mxy nodded. "Oh? So now you're not even going to say hello..." Bruce asked, sitting back and crossing his arms. Mxy gave him a thumb up. "I don't really think that's fair."
"Whaaaat?!" Mxy asked, annoyed.
At this point, Batgirl, Nightwing and Robin had just entered the cave one way and Alfred another. They were just standing and watching, still not believing Bruce's story.
"Well, I mean. You are the one who challenged me, after all. And now you're being a sore loser about it. And so I have to suffer because you just don't know when you're outclassed and out-brained. You are smart, Mister Mxyzptlk. But I'm smarter."
Mxy looked like he was about to explode.
"NO YOU'RE NOT!" he screamed, knocking Bruce backwards through the air and into the cave wall...
But all the spectators saw was Bruce running and slamming into the wall on his own. Bruce groaned and sat up slowly, holding his ribs.
"Then lets raise the stakes," he said, standing and glaring at Mxy darkly. "I'm done playing games."
Mxy raised an eyebrow, interested.
"I'm in."
It starts off like this. If I can get you to say, write or any variation thereof of your name two times, in a row. No spaces in between... Batman pulled on his jet back and turned to Batgirl and Nightwing.
"When Clark calls, thank him for the tip." Then you have to leave forever. Never to bother me again. "Batman, you're... Sick. You shouldn't be doing this," Batgirl said.
Batman said nothing, he just walked away. But in order for me to play, you have to play catch with me. I'll allow you access to all my jets. I warn you, though. They blow out a lot of exhaust. Batman took off into the air quickly. Not soon after, he heard Mxyzptlk's maddened laughter behind him over the roar of jet engines.
"And they say I'm the crazy one," Batman said to himself, jumping into turbo, Mxy still hot on his trail. They began to swerve and duck and spin through the air. "Superman, you better be right about this."
At one point, Mxy grabbed onto Batman's foot and started to freeze it, still laughing maniacally. Batman kicked his hand off, not wanting to break the chase. Finally, when they reached a certain point, Batman secretly pressed a hidden button and his jets exploded, sending him crashing to a rooftop. He threw the jet back away just as Mxy slammed into him.
"WOOHOO! Let the games begin!" Mxy yelled.
"They've already ended," Batman said, pointing behind him.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!"
The four friends of Batman stood outside the manor, looking at the exhaust clouds in the sky.
"Mxyzptlk, Mxyzptlk?" Robin asked. "Do you really think he... He exists?"
They all paused, thinking that over, then shook their heads.
"Nah!"
The End (Or is it? It didn't seem to be for Superman...)
The Batman and the Mxyzptlk