Ever since I can remember, I have always wanted a baby. I started
babysitting as young as 11. I couldn't wait for the day that I'd marry and
be able to start a family. I wanted 8 to be truthful and had all the names
picked out and everything. Now days I'd give anything to have 1, but
unfortuantly I don't see any in my future.
I remember right before my husband, Stephen and I married, we always discussed 1 maybe 2
and we had the names picked out. Well sometimes a dream you may have may be
a different one from what God has in mind. I see babies everywhere I go. I
always look at them and smile, then my heart breaks yearning for one of my
own.
I die inside but am also happy when I hear of friends or family members
having babies. Sometimes I feel selfish because I want what expectant
mothers get. Parties, gifts, flowers, and baby I'll never have. I often
tend to stay away from baby showers. I ask "where is mine?" I feel
cheated! I tend to not watch most of the "Babies: Special Delivery", "Make
Room for Baby", and "A Baby Story"
It makes me sad because I know that I would be a good mother and I feel
having a child would be the greatest gift I could give my Stephen. I've
seen him hold a baby and it looks so natural, but we also would never be
able to do a lot of the things we do now if we had a baby. That still
doesn't stop me from yearning for one.
What really makes me happy is when mothers trust me enough to hold their
babies. I feel good, the baby smells so good, and my wanting for a baby
goes away if even for a second, and the children issue dissapears when I am
teaching Sunday school or visiting them in their homes.
Babies, I may never have one but that doesn't stop me from being a wonderful
Aunt and Goddmother, but for the rest of my life I'll never stop wanting to
be a mommy either.
"The Names for Our Baby"
Girl: Anna Caroline
Boy: Daniel James Lewis
These names are family names. Anna was my Grandmothers first name and Caroline was Stephens Grandmothers middle name. Daniel James was Stephens Grandfathers name and Lewis is Stephens middle name as well as his Mothers maiden name.
"The Baby We'll Never Have"
