Rules for Women


This is a list of rules that guys wished women knew...
(In response to "A Woman's 50 Rules for Men")


1. Learn to work the toilet seat: youre a big girl, if it's up... put it down.

2. Don't cut your hair. Ever.

3. Don't make us guess.

4. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

5. Sometimes, were not thinking about you. Live with it.

6. Were never thinking about "The Relationship."

7. Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it's just like every other cat.

8. - Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

9. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

10. - Shopping is NOT a sport, and no, we are never going to think of it that way.

11. Anything you wear is fine. Really.

12. You have enough clothes.

13. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

14. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to like it.

15. Your brother is an idiot.

16. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints do not work. Just say it!

17. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.

18. Share the bathroom.

19. Share the closet.

20. Women wearing Wonder Bras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.

21. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

22. Nothing says 'I love you' like sex in the morning.

23. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.

24. Check your oil.

25. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

26. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.

27. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

28. Yes, pissing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.

29. Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable answers.

30. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.

31. If you don't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

32. Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?

33. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.

34. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done - NOT both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

35. Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, wrestling, and NASCAR.

36. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

37. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

38. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

39. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

40. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.

41. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

42. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

43. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!

44. I'm in shape. - ROUND is a shape.

45. Don't make 50 rules when 45 will do.