The Talk
Buffy arrived at the mansion for her nightly visit with Angel. They had fallen into a routine since his miraculous return from Hell: Buffy would bring him his "dinner", they would talk a little, and then Buffy would begin her nightly patrol. The only thing that wasn’t routine about Buffy’s nightly ritual was that she wasn’t sharing it with her friends or her Watcher. Giles and the rest of the gang would seriously freak if they knew Angel was back, so she kept that little detail to herself. A small part of her knew that she was making excuses. She really just wanted to keep Angel to herself for as long as possible.
When Buffy approached Angel this night, he was huddled in a corner, with a solemn look on his face. <Uh oh> Buffy thought to herself, < Brooding guy is back.> Things hadn’t exactly been going swimmingly, but the two had been able to talk about what had happened. Almost.
"What’s wrong?" Buffy asked Angel as she walked towards him.
"I’ve just been thinking," Angel responded. "There’s something we need to talk about. I don’t think either one of us wants to, but I think it is time."
A mild panic set in as Buffy braced herself for whatever Angel had to say.
The look on her face told him to continue.
"We both know that we can never go back to what we were. You’re going to have to get on with your life...Try to have some kind of normalcy. That includes finding someone else..." Angel finished with very obvious effort.
Buffy didn’t want to deal with any of this, but knew that Angel needed to say it. "I don’t know if I can ever have normalcy, so your point is mute. I don’t know what’s gonna happen to me or you or us, but I have a feeling that you are destined to be the love of my life, whether we like it or not."
Angel smiled that sad smile Buffy knew so well. He didn’t have a response to Buffy’s reply, so he continued. "There’s something I have to say. It’s a difficult subject, but I have to say it. Actually, I need to say it."
"Go on."
"I remember what I said to you the day after we...after we made love."
Buffy’s face reflected her shock from Angel’s unexpected declaration, but it was only a momentary lapse until she gained control. "It’s okay," she whispered. "I know it wasn’t you," she added quickly, not wanting to continue with this subject.
"No. It definitely wasn’t me. It’s also definitely not okay."
"Angel, I really don’t wanna talk about this. I made a mistake. We all paid the price for that mistake. I’d rather not think about it anymore."
Angel ignored her attempt at retreat. "Buffy, that bastard said some terrible things to you. I can’t even think about what that did to you because when I remember those words coming out of my mouth, I wanna die. Buffy, that night was the greatest night of my life."
Buffy started to say something, but Angel cut her off. "We both now know that it should never have happened, but I will never deny how special it was to me, and how grateful I will be for the rest of my miserable life to have been able to share that experience with you. You were the most incredible gift I’ve ever received. You want to know what it was that made me lose my soul?"
"I know" was all she could say, quiet as a mouse and holding back a lifetime of tears.
"No...You don’t. When we were lying in each other’s arms, before I lost my soul, all I could think was how incredibly happy I was. Your hair, your skin, your trust, your soul...your entire essence...everything about you...I can’t possibly tell you how contented I felt. With you in my arms, I knew that I could finally be at peace. No matter what happened to me from that point on, no matter what happens from here on out, I would never trade our lovemaking for anything!"
Buffy couldn’t say a thing. She so needed to hear these words from Angel that morning, but all she got was a kick in the teeth. Regret crossed her face as she thought of the actual events of their night of passion.
"Don’t go there," Angel insisted. "It wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t my fault. We didn’t know. All we knew was that we loved each other. There is nothing wrong with that, and I will not let anyone punish you for what happened, especially you. Stop that right now. It’s over, it’s done. We both go on. But you damn well better know how incredible and wonderful you were, and how much it meant to a cursed man who will never ever know such joy again!!"
That broke the dam. Buffy and Angel found their way into each other’s arms and they held on for their lives. The tears flowed freely from both as they remained entwined in each other for what seemed like forever. When they finally broke apart, there was a sense of relief, but also an overwhelming sense of loss. There would be so much more that needed to be said, but for now, that could all wait. Buffy slowly left Angel’s side and said her goodbyes. As she went out into the night air, she took a deep breath and smiled a slow, sad smile. She knew Angel was smiling that same smile, and she took off to patrol.
The End