Once upon a time there was a redneck college located in West Alabama called The University Of Alabama. The fans of this redneck college were called Bammers and they were utterly obsessed with their football program. In fact, it was all the Bammers ever talked about.
The Bammers had success in their football program a long, long, long time ago (that's many years ago for the benefit of non-Bammers). Anyway, the Bammers so longed for the good old days, when they had a successful football program, that they constantly talked about their past football accomplishments. Like I said, it's all they ever talked about.
Bammers like to refer to this as their "tradition" (they pronounce it "traaaaah-dish-shun" with a slow drawl). Although sometimes Bammer's speak of "tradition" regarding aspects of the University, for the most part, Bammer tradition basically means bragging about the good ole days when they had a good football program. Good thing too, since they pretty much suck now-a-days. In other words, Bammer's live in the past!
Bammer's constantly like to remember the Rose Bowl, a game they played in many, many, many (we're talking a real long time here) years ago. Heck, they even wrote a stupid song about remembering the Rose Bowl (because basically no one would remember it if they didn't sing about it every week).
The Bammer's football team was named The Crimson Tide. Well, it's pretty hard to start up a tradition over a red algae outbreak, so the Bammer's decided to get a red elephant for a mascot. Crimson Tide!?! Red Elephant?!? That's just a natural train of thought for a Bammer! Anyway, they named their elephant, Big Al, and now the Bammer's brag about their tradition of having a mean and ferocious looking mascot to cheer them on.
The Bammer football team actually won the National Championship several times. Well, being Bammers, it was just natural for them to continually exaggerate the actual number of times they really won it! They like to say now that they have won "it" 12 times. Everyone knows that this is just plain Bull, and we refer to this as just a bunch of Bammer bull-its!
And of course, Bammer's can't talk about their tradition without talking about The Bear!
The Bear was the Bammer's football coach back in the 1960's. Most people will admit that The Bear was a great coach, they just don't worship him like Bammers do. The Bear is held in such reverence by the Bammers, that they simply refer to him as Coach (notice Coach is capitalized just like a deity name).
Actually, back in those days, Bammer football was pretty good, popular and original! But then again, so was fried chicken!
Oh yeah! Did I mention The Bear?!?
Well that's how the Bammers like to recall their tradition! Of course, non-Bammer's have a slightly different perception regarding true Bammer tradition!
So let's set the record straight. First of all, you can't talk about true Bammer tradition without talking about their fans! Bammer fans are some of the most famous and easily recognized fans in history! Here are some typical Bammer fans!
The University of Alabama is a highly recognized college campus. In fact, most Bammer's are extremely proud of the campus landmarks that they have erected. Matter of fact, Bammer has the most highly publicized erections of any campus in the Nation.
And of course, Bammer's true Football tradition is now coming out! In fact, you just can't read a newspaper or magazine these days without reading about Bammer football tradition.
Recently, Bammer football tradition has been marked by a string of Coaches that have tried in vain to match The Bear's winning football record.
However, this continual succession of coaching wannabes has only reinforced Bammer's true tradition - being a loser!
Oh yeah! I almost forgot to mention that Bammer has some of the classiest athletes in history of college sports.
Interestingly, the Bammer's use the phrase "Bammer Class", as if it was a single word, to describe the character and actions of Bammer's athletes.
In fact, Bammer class was so evident this past football season, that they almost changed their name to The Crimson Thugs!
Well, Bammer really needs to forget relying on football as the hallmark of it's University. Maybe if they relied more on academics instead of athletics, then they'd have a REAL tradition that they could be proud of.
Actually, Bammer is well know for it's academics and it's prestigious law school. In fact, everyone knows that Bammer turns out lawyers like garbage breeds roaches.
Oh yeah! Did I mention The Bear?!?
THE END
OR JUST THE BEGINNING?!?!?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
