Safety First: The New, Indestructible Dirigibles

The Linda N. Burg Institute of Aeronautic Designs (BIAD) unvealed their prototype "indestructible" dirigible this week. We have been informed that the prototype, nicknamed "Lead Head", has been constructed of a relatively cheap material that is both easy to work with and strong. The head of the design project, Charles Bellamy, shared the secret to Lead Head's indestructibility.

"The hull's made of lead. Yep. That's right. Lead. They came to me and said, 'Chuck, we need a doohickey about so long and yay wide. We want it so tough that it won't rip, tear, deflate, or just plain blow up.' Well I said to them, 'Okey, dokey.' And then I got to work. I don't know why them there dunderheads never thoughta using lead. Why, heck. That's pretty tough stuff. Everybody knows that."

The prototype is three hundred and fifty yards long and eighty yards in diameter. Surprisingly large by conventional standards. We asked Director Bellamy how much Lead Head weighs.

"Well, heck. I don't know. Reckon it's mighty heavy, though."

One major problem concerned us about the design of this dirigible: how would it be able to fly with so much lead in it. We asked Charles Bellamy to clear this up for us.

"FLY??!!This durn, fool thing is supposed to FLY? Nobody told me nothing 'bout no flyin'! No siree, Bob! They sure didn't! Why am I always the last goldurn person to know what's goin' on around here. Buncha idiot corporate yahoos in charge--that's what it is!"

Durn fools!"Lead Head"


March/April, 1999