The Tropical Topical Tan

Everyone remembers those early versions of sunless tanning lotions. They boasted that you could just put it on and in no time you'd have a beautiful tan. People would think you'd just returned from a vacation in the Bahamas. But those lotions didn't work. Instead, you got a horrible, fake-looking orange tan. How embarassing!

Well, the sciences of chemistry and biology have improved these flops of the past. With Tropical Topical, you'll never want to face the harmful light of day again. Who needs the sun when you can get results that are out of this world from a bottle! You'll be the center of attention everywhere you go. Your friends won't believe how incredible you look--they'll all want to know where you got such color. And you'll be proud to say "I used Tropical Topical and just look at me!"

Don't pass up this special, one-time only, promotional deal. For only $79.99, you'll get not one, not two, but three full, .5 oz. bottles of Tropical Topical. If you respond within the next seventy-two hours we'll also send you a pair of designer, scratch-resistant sunglasses and matching disguise wig so you can go out in public sporting your tan in style. Order now while supplies last!

February, 2000