All reviews are subject to my freakish whim, and if you don't like it... Submit one yourself. I just might print it. I may wish to point out at this moment that I, Dr. Neon, am a mad scientist and as such, am a significantly more intelligent and enlightened being. Therefore, in your humble eyes, my opinions and reviews as such, should appear Godlike in nature. Thus negating your need to append or criticize my reviews. But, if you must, submit all entries to Arg0n0t@aol.com.

Attack of the 50' Woman
And you think you have problems! Poor Nancy Archer (Allison Hayes) has a cheating husband, a drinking problem, and a history of nervous berakdowns. On top of that add a visit from a space giant that turns her into a giant, and you have the formula for one hell of a PMS attack! For most of the movie all you see is either a giant plaster of paris hand or the extras screaming about what she's doing. When you do get see what a fifty-foot woman looks like you realize how far tailoring has progressed over the years as she stands tall in size 90 underwear. And most women think a size 14 is big! For such a "big" movie, towards the end realise how "small" of an IQ you need to watch this.

Dr. Neon's Grade: C

Astro Zombies
It was dark night when I bought this sixties adaptation of Frankenstien. The idea of the movie is similar to making astronauts into zombies/cyborgs, mix into that a little espionage intrigue and Tura Satana...And it still was horrible. My eyes still hurt from watching this movie! The only bright spot in this whole film is Tura Satana's campy portrayal of a "dragon lady" secret agent(?). You would think that it would be at least somewhat worthwhile with John Carridine as the mad scientist, but he never leaves the lab! I do, however, reccommend finding this film as it is slowly dissappearing from the market. That this is one of Tura Satana's best roles is reason enough to buy it, just don't expect anything more than classic Grade Z schlock!

DR. Neon's Grade: C+

Devil Girl From Mars
Her name is Nyah and she is the Devil Girl from Mars. She plans to take all of Earth's men! Accompanied by her faithful companion, Frigidaire, um..I mean Robot, she invades a small scottish pub where no one has an accent. Now, while normally when a woman shows up in a shiny black suit claiming to be from Mars, you either think: loony, or start running, but nooo, not these people. The patrons of this pub never once show much emotion other than what you might find at a dinner theater or a tea party. While not the best film in the world, Patricia Laffan (the Devil girl) played her role with as much campy deadpan as possible considering that she shared the film with a "cardboard" cast. This is definitely one of those films where you wish the villian would win. Hmmm, I wonder if it really would be all that bad to go to Mars with Nyah....

Dr. Neon's Grade: B

For questions, comments, reviews, or cool plans to take over the world email me!