My Story

This is a place where you can tell your story if you'd want to. (You don't have to be a christian to tell your story here.)
In my life I have noticed that it can be such a relief to read that you're not the only one with such feelings or thoughts. Your story can help somebody else! If you would like to share your story with us on this website, please mail it to me.

I'll start with my own..

Almost six years ago, I started to sink in a depression for the first time. At the end of that first year I almost attempted suicide, but at the last moment I changed my mind. Or maybe it was God Who changed my mind. I just had such a bad feeling about it, that I couldn't do it. My 'almost-attempt' did scare me and I made an 'agreement' with myself and God that I wouldn't kill myself, whatsoever. That promise helped me fighting against the thought of suicide later on in my life. After making that promise, I did wish every night that the next morning wouldn't come for over a year. I just wanted to sleep and never wake up again. I've often wished to get an accident of such kind, that the physical pain would make me forget my emotional pain. Fortunately, my wishes never became truth.

After all this, everything got better. I thougt I finally left everything behind me. I had only forgotten that ones past is part of ones life. One can never deny it or run away from it. My past wasn't even th�t bad.. I just never talked about it. If I had, maybe all this had never happened.....

Two years ago the periods of feeling low (that everybody has) began to hold on longer. The winter of 1999/2000 was very difficult. After that it seemed to get better again and I really thought it was over. But in the springtime I got depressed again. This time it didn't went away at all. It developed into a real depression.

As soon I was alone in my room I started to cry without knowing the exact reason. I had a lot of trouble getting into sleep and in daytime I always felt so tired and without energy. At the end I felt like all my emotions were fading away.

In November 2000 I got help for the first time in my life. I first went to my doctor and he sent me to a social worker. Then I was sent to a mental health institution for diagnosis. I've had help for the past six months. I'm taking medicine now, and I feel a whole lot better. More and more often I can even think about the future and have the hope it will be positive. I know now that I'm on my way to recovery.