1. Describe your problem:

2. Now, describe the problem accurately:

3. Speculate wildly about the cause of the problem:

4. Problem Severity:

5. Nature of the problem:

6. Is your computer plugged in?

7. Is it turned on?

8. Have you tried to fix it yourself?

9. Have you made it worse?

10. Have you had "a friend" who "Knows all about computers" try to fix it for you?

11. Did they make it even worse?

12. Have you read the manual?

13. Are you sure you've read the manual?

14. Are you absolutely certain you've read the manual?

15. If you read the manual, do you think you understood it?

16. If 'Yes' then explain why you can't fix the problem yourself.

17. What were you doing with your computer at the time the problem occurred?

18. If you answered 'nothing' then explain why you were logged in?

19. Are you sure you aren't imagining the problem?

20. Does the clock on your home VCR blink 12:00?

21. Do you have a copy of 'PCs for Dummies'?

22. Do you have any independent witnesses to the problem?

23. Do you have any electronics products that DO work?

24. Is there anyone else you could blame this problem on?

25. Have you given the machine a good whack on the top?

26. Is the machine on fire?

27. Can you do something else instead of bothering me?