Sardar Jokes

JALANDHAR BOARD COLLEGE EXAM QUESTION PAPER....
[this one's little difficult than last year's]

1. Write your name in less than 20 minutes and 20 letters (only alphabets allowed, no numeric digits or "_" allowed)

2. Sex ?
( ) Male
( ) Female
( ) Sardar

3. What's ur age group ?
( ) less than 0
( ) equal to 0
( ) greater than 0

4. What is 2 + 2 ?
( ) FOUR
( ) 4
( ) IV

5. If you have one brother, how many brothers ur brother has ?
( ) none
( ) one
( ) question is too personal

6. Complete the following sentence...........
______ ________ ________ _________ .

7. If there are 365 days in a year, how many days make a year ?

8. Read the statment carefully and answer the following question: "My mother's daughter's brother's mother's mother's daughter's husband's wife is my mother herself".

Qs. how many times the word "mother" appear in the above statement?
( ) None
( ) few times
( ) uncountable times

9. If someone gives you a dollar for 100 cents , would you
( ) get one dollar ?
( ) 100 cents ?

10. Write an Essay on "MYSELF" in not more than three sentences.......
(HINT : My Name is ___________ (same as in [1]). I am a ___________ (boy/girl). i am writing an essay.)

11. If the time is 3.00 what does ur digital watch show ?

12. At what time does the 11.16 Indrani Express come ?

13. What u do on a honeymoon ?
( ) Collect Honey
( ) Admire Moon
( ) Collect Honey while admiring the moon

14. Earth is Flat ?
( ) False
( ) Indeed False

15. If A = B and B = C then B = A ?
( ) TRUE
( ) FALSE
( ) OUT OF SYLLABUS

16. If you eat lunch during lunch time, what u have during dinner time?

17. If Ram is Sita's Husband, Who is Ram's Wife ?

18. Think and write the present tense of THOUGHT.

19. Complete the following poem :
Mary had a little lamb
little lamb little lamb_ (HINT: "." or "@" or "^" )

20. This is question number
( ) 1
( ) 10
( ) 20

21. If 2 + 3 = 5, 3 + 2 = 5 ??
( ) YES
( ) NO
( ) I FORGOT TO GET MY CALCULATOR

22. write full form of ASAP As Soon As Possible.
_________________

23. Opposite of the word "IN" is
( ) NOT IN
( ) CRICKET
( ) PUNJAB

24. What is the capital of india ?
( ) India
( ) INDia
( ) INDIA

25. a,e,i,o and u are collectively called "vowels". what are e,a,i,o and u called ?

26. Fill in the blank :
I am _________ a letter.
( ) READING
( ) WRITING
( ) SEALING

27. Who was the first MAN to land on moon ?
( ) MR. ARMSTRONG
( ) MISS ARMSTRONG
( ) MRS ARMSTRONG

28. What comes first ?
( ) the Egg
( ) the Omlet

29. can you count more than five using your hands ?
( ) YES
( ) NO

30. Spell M-Y-T-H-O-L-O-G-Y

31. Mrs. Sinha is Mr. Sinha's
( ) Brother
( ) Son
( ) Daughter

32. car A start from X and car B start from Y. X and Y are located 100 miles apart from each other. how many wheels does each car has ?
( ) One
( ) Four
( ) Seven

33. To reach to the 12th floor of the World Trade Center, how many buttons would you press in the elevator ?
( ) ONE
( ) TWELVE

34. Complete the following series [this question carries 3 marks]
1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, _, _, _.

35. this one tests ur imagination.
SUN is nearer to india than AMERICA because.........
( ) SUN is smaller than AMERICA
( ) One can see SUN, but not AMERICA
( ) i do not have any time left to think on this one.

ur feedback counts..................(please do not write how many times)

I rate the difficulty level for the above question paper as
( ) 8 ( ) 9 ( ) 10
[NOTE : 1 is very easy and 10 is most difficult]

Number of times i flipped a coin
( ) 35
( ) 70
( ) i forgot to bring my coin so i bluffed and prayed for good luck.

Sardar's Poetic Nature

Sardarji is at a feast arranged by the Queen of England. One of the dignitaries present requests the Queen, "Pass the Wine you Devine !".
Sardarji thinks to himself - "How poetic !". Sardar also wants to say a rhyming sentence. He tells the British ambassador sitting next to him, "Pass the custard you bastard".

*

SURD: "Excuse me sir, what time is it?"
MAN: "It's 3:15."
SURD: (puzzled look on his face) "You know, it's the weirdest thing, I have been asking that question all day, and each time I get a different answer."

*

SURD #1: "Have you ever read Shakespeare?"
SURD #2: "No, who wrote it?"

*

Q: HOW DO YOU KEEP A SURD BUSY ALL DAY?
A: Put him in a round room and tell him to sit in the corner.

*

A sardarji father gave the following advice to his son about to be married. "Puttar (son) if you want things from your in-laws, be sure to pitch your demand high. If you wanted cycle, ask for scooter; if you wanted motorcycle, ask for Maruti. Always ask for something higher than you need. The young Sardarji who wanted no dowry, imbibed the lesson. When his father-in-law what he wanted, the young Sardarji replied " Give me the girl's mother"

*

Two pandits riding on a cycle were stopped by a Sardarji constable. "Don't you know riding on with pillon is forbidden in Punjab?" asked the constable, " I am going to fine you." The pundits pleaded their innocence of the rules but he refused to let them go. Very exasperated the pandit who was driving the cycle replied, "All right, God is with us. Do what you like." " In that case , I'll fine you for having two on the pillion behind you".

*

Once a Sardarji happended to be in a queue at a railway station ticket counter with two men ahead of him."Ek Punjab Mail dena" demanded the man in front. He was given a ticket. Then came the turn of the sardarji, "Ikk Punjab female dena". "What do you mean by Punjab female" asked the clerk. "It is for my wife" replied the Sardarji.

*

Once a surdar and 2 dogs were sent to space.The ground station was giving instruction from earth.The session goes as follows:
Ruby?
-woof!
press the red button.
-woof! woof!
Moti?
_woof!
press the white button and switsch on the monitor.
-woof! woof!
sardarji?
-woof!
stop barking and feed the dogs,don't touch anything.

*

Sardarji Landing a Plane...
Two Sardarjis (pilots) try to land an airplane in the states. They start descending and as they touch the ground the pilot scream the runway is ending...".
The second pilot swiftly gets the plane back up in the air...
They make a big turn and start descending again. The moment they touch the ground, the pilot scream again "Get the plane up, the runaway is ending...".
The second pilot swiftly gets the plane back up in the air..
They make a big turn and start descending again...
This goes on again and again...
During their fourth descent the pilot says : "Look at those stupid Americans, they build this huge & expensive airport but with such a short runaway..",
"I know" answers the second pilot, "But look how wide they made it...."

*

A Sardarji, a Muslim, a Hindu and an American were flying.
Suddenly the plane's engine goes bad. So everybody is advised to jump. But they realise that there are no parachutes on the plane.
The Sardar being little bold thinks "hai saale marna to hai, why not try something ". He unties his turban and holds the ends, making it like a parachute, and jumps out. Luckily the idea works and he floats down like on a parachute.
Seeing this Hindu pandit also opens his dhoti and does the same, he also starts floating.
Now the Muslim also removes his kurta and does the same and he too starts floating.
Now comes American's turn. Poor chap is wearing a torn Bermudas and a tattered T-shirt. Anyway he also removes them ties everything up and jumps. But it does not hold and he starts falling very quickly.
On the way to the ground he passes the Muslim, Who says "Allah tumhari kherkare", then he passes Pandit. Pandit says "Bhagwan tumhari raksha kare".
Now when he quickly passes the Sardarji, Sardarji says "accha race lagana hai, le phir" and he leaves the turban.

*

Detective job vacancy
Three men were applying for the same job as a detective. One was a Sardarji, one was Jewish, and one was Italian.
The chief decided to ask each applicant just one question and base his decision upon that answer.
When the Jewish man arrived for his interview, the chief asked him, "Who killed Jesus Christ?" The Jewish man answered without hesitation "The Romans killed him." The chief thanked him and he left.
When the Italian man arrived for his interview, the chief asked the same question. He replied "Jesus was killed by the Jews."Again,the chief thanked the man who then left.
Finally the Sardarji arrived for his interview, he was asked the same question. He thought for a long time, before saying, "Could I have some time to think about it?" The chief said, "OK, but get back to me tomorrow."
When the Sardarji arrived home, his wife asked "How did the interview go?". Pat came the reply, "Great, I got the job, and I'm already investigating a murder."

*

Surd's Salary
A sardarji was filling up an application form for a job. He promptly filled the columns titled NAME,AGE,ADDRESS etc. Then he came to the column Salary Expected : He was not sure as to what to be filled there. After much thought he wrote : Yes

*

Surd discovers Pepsi
A surd walks up to a Pepsi machine and puts in a coin. A Pepsi pops out. The surd looks amazed and runs away to get some more coins. He returns and starts feeding the machine madly and of coursethe machine keeps feeding out drinks. A man walks up behindthe surd and watches his doing for a few minutes before stopping and him and asking if someone else could have a go. The surd spins around and shouts: "Can you not see that I am winning."

*

Surd - the kidnapper
There was a Sardarji that was down on his luck. In order to raise some money he decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. He went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree,and told him, "I've kidnapped you." The Sardarji then wrote a notesaying: "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put$10,000 in a paper bag & put it beneath the mango tree next to the slide on the north side of the city play ground." Signed, "A Sardarji." The Sardarji then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.
The next morning the Sardarji checked, and sure enough a paper bag was sitting beneath the mango tree. The Sardarji opened up the bag and found the $10,000 with a note saying, "How could you do this to a fellow Sardarji ?!"

Sardar Jokes

	JALANDHAR BOARD COLLEGE EXAM QUESTION PAPER.... [this one's little difficult than last year's] 1. Write your name in less than 20 minutes and 20 letters (only alphabets allowed, no numeric digits or "_" allowed) 2. Sex ? ( ) Male ( ) Female ( ) Sardar 3. What's ur age group ? ( ) less than 0 ( ) equal to 0 ( ) greater than 0 4. What is 2 + 2 ? ( ) FOUR ( ) 4 ( ) IV 5. If you have one brother, how many brothers ur brother has ? ( ) none ( ) one ( ) question is too personal 6. Complete the following sentence........... ______ ________ ________ _________ . 7. If there are 365 days in a year, how many days make a year ? 8. Read the statment carefully and answer the following question: "My mother's daughter's brother's mother's mother's daughter's husband's wife is my mother herself". Qs. how many times the word "mother" appear in the above statement? ( ) None ( ) few times ( ) uncountable times 9. If someone gives you a dollar for 100 cents , would you ( ) get one dollar ? ( ) 100 cents ? 10. Write an Essay on "MYSELF" in not more than three sentences....... (HINT : My Name is ___________ (same as in [1]). I am a ___________ (boy/girl). i am writing an essay.) 11. If the time is 3.00 what does ur digital watch show ? 12. At what time does the 11.16 Indrani Express come ? 13. What u do on a honeymoon ? ( ) Collect Honey ( ) Admire Moon ( ) Collect Honey while admiring the moon 14. Earth is Flat ? ( ) False ( ) Indeed False 15. If A = B and B = C then B = A ? ( ) TRUE ( ) FALSE ( ) OUT OF SYLLABUS 16. If you eat lunch during lunch time, what u have during dinner time? 17. If Ram is Sita's Husband, Who is Ram's Wife ? 18. Think and write the present tense of THOUGHT. 19. Complete the following poem : Mary had a little lamb little lamb little lamb_ (HINT: "." or "@" or "^" ) 20. This is question number ( ) 1 ( ) 10 ( ) 20 21. If 2 + 3 = 5, 3 + 2 = 5 ?? ( ) YES ( ) NO ( ) I FORGOT TO GET MY CALCULATOR 22. write full form of ASAP As Soon As Possible. _________________ 23. Opposite of the word "IN" is ( ) NOT IN ( ) CRICKET ( ) PUNJAB 24. What is the capital of india ? ( ) India ( ) INDia ( ) INDIA 25. a,e,i,o and u are collectively called "vowels". what are e,a,i,o and u called ? 26. Fill in the blank : I am _________ a letter. ( ) READING ( ) WRITING ( ) SEALING 27. Who was the first MAN to land on moon ? ( ) MR. ARMSTRONG ( ) MISS ARMSTRONG ( ) MRS ARMSTRONG 28. What comes first ? ( ) the Egg ( ) the Omlet 29. can you count more than five using your hands ? ( ) YES ( ) NO 30. Spell M-Y-T-H-O-L-O-G-Y 31. Mrs. Sinha is Mr. Sinha's ( ) Brother ( ) Son ( ) Daughter 32. car A start from X and car B start from Y. X and Y are located 100 miles apart from each other. how many wheels does each car has ? ( ) One ( ) Four ( ) Seven 33. To reach to the 12th floor of the World Trade Center, how many buttons would you press in the elevator ? ( ) ONE ( ) TWELVE 34. Complete the following series [this question carries 3 marks] 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, _, _, _. 35. this one tests ur imagination. SUN is nearer to india than AMERICA because......... ( ) SUN is smaller than AMERICA ( ) One can see SUN, but not AMERICA ( ) i do not have any time left to think on this one. ur feedback counts..................(please do not write how many times) I rate the difficulty level for the above question paper as ( ) 8 ( ) 9 ( ) 10 [NOTE : 1 is very easy and 10 is most difficult] Number of times i flipped a coin ( ) 35 ( ) 70 ( ) i forgot to bring my coin so i bluffed and prayed for good luck. Sardar's Poetic Nature Sardarji is at a feast arranged by the Queen of England. One of the dignitaries present requests the Queen, "Pass the Wine you Devine !". Sardarji thinks to himself - "How poetic !". Sardar also wants to say a rhyming sentence. He tells the British ambassador sitting next to him, "Pass the custard you bastard". * SURD: "Excuse me sir, what time is it?" MAN: "It's 3:15." SURD: (puzzled look on his face) "You know, it's the weirdest thing, I have been asking that question all day, and each time I get a different answer." * SURD #1: "Have you ever read Shakespeare?" SURD #2: "No, who wrote it?" * Q: HOW DO YOU KEEP A SURD BUSY ALL DAY? A: Put him in a round room and tell him to sit in the corner. * A sardarji father gave the following advice to his son about to be married. "Puttar (son) if you want things from your in-laws, be sure to pitch your demand high. If you wanted cycle, ask for scooter; if you wanted motorcycle, ask for Maruti. Always ask for something higher than you need. The young Sardarji who wanted no dowry, imbibed the lesson. When his father-in-law what he wanted, the young Sardarji replied " Give me the girl's mother" * Two pandits riding on a cycle were stopped by a Sardarji constable. "Don't you know riding on with pillon is forbidden in Punjab?" asked the constable, " I am going to fine you." The pundits pleaded their innocence of the rules but he refused to let them go. Very exasperated the pandit who was driving the cycle replied, "All right, God is with us. Do what you like." " In that case , I'll fine you for having two on the pillion behind you". * Once a Sardarji happended to be in a queue at a railway station ticket counter with two men ahead of him."Ek Punjab Mail dena" demanded the man in front. He was given a ticket. Then came the turn of the sardarji, "Ikk Punjab female dena". "What do you mean by Punjab female" asked the clerk. "It is for my wife" replied the Sardarji. * Once a surdar and 2 dogs were sent to space.The ground station was giving instruction from earth.The session goes as follows: Ruby? -woof! press the red button. -woof! woof! Moti? _woof! press the white button and switsch on the monitor. -woof! woof! sardarji? -woof! stop barking and feed the dogs,don't touch anything. * Sardarji Landing a Plane... Two Sardarjis (pilots) try to land an airplane in the states. They start descending and as they touch the ground the pilot scream the runway is ending...". The second pilot swiftly gets the plane back up in the air... They make a big turn and start descending again. The moment they touch the ground, the pilot scream again "Get the plane up, the runaway is ending...". The second pilot swiftly gets the plane back up in the air.. They make a big turn and start descending again... This goes on again and again... During their fourth descent the pilot says : "Look at those stupid Americans, they build this huge & expensive airport but with such a short runaway..", "I know" answers the second pilot, "But look how wide they made it...." * A Sardarji, a Muslim, a Hindu and an American were flying. Suddenly the plane's engine goes bad. So everybody is advised to jump. But they realise that there are no parachutes on the plane. The Sardar being little bold thinks "hai saale marna to hai, why not try something ". He unties his turban and holds the ends, making it like a parachute, and jumps out. Luckily the idea works and he floats down like on a parachute. Seeing this Hindu pandit also opens his dhoti and does the same, he also starts floating. Now the Muslim also removes his kurta and does the same and he too starts floating. Now comes American's turn. Poor chap is wearing a torn Bermudas and a tattered T-shirt. Anyway he also removes them ties everything up and jumps. But it does not hold and he starts falling very quickly. On the way to the ground he passes the Muslim, Who says "Allah tumhari kherkare", then he passes Pandit. Pandit says "Bhagwan tumhari raksha kare". Now when he quickly passes the Sardarji, Sardarji says "accha race lagana hai, le phir" and he leaves the turban. * Detective job vacancy Three men were applying for the same job as a detective. One was a Sardarji, one was Jewish, and one was Italian. The chief decided to ask each applicant just one question and base his decision upon that answer. When the Jewish man arrived for his interview, the chief asked him, "Who killed Jesus Christ?" The Jewish man answered without hesitation "The Romans killed him." The chief thanked him and he left. When the Italian man arrived for his interview, the chief asked the same question. He replied "Jesus was killed by the Jews."Again,the chief thanked the man who then left. Finally the Sardarji arrived for his interview, he was asked the same question. He thought for a long time, before saying, "Could I have some time to think about it?" The chief said, "OK, but get back to me tomorrow." When the Sardarji arrived home, his wife asked "How did the interview go?". Pat came the reply, "Great, I got the job, and I'm already investigating a murder." * Surd's Salary A sardarji was filling up an application form for a job. He promptly filled the columns titled NAME,AGE,ADDRESS etc. Then he came to the column Salary Expected : He was not sure as to what to be filled there. After much thought he wrote : Yes * Surd discovers Pepsi A surd walks up to a Pepsi machine and puts in a coin. A Pepsi pops out. The surd looks amazed and runs away to get some more coins. He returns and starts feeding the machine madly and of coursethe machine keeps feeding out drinks. A man walks up behindthe surd and watches his doing for a few minutes before stopping and him and asking if someone else could have a go. The surd spins around and shouts: "Can you not see that I am winning." * Surd - the kidnapper There was a Sardarji that was down on his luck. In order to raise some money he decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. He went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree,and told him, "I've kidnapped you." The Sardarji then wrote a notesaying: "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put$10,000 in a paper bag & put it beneath the mango tree next to the slide on the north side of the city play ground." Signed, "A Sardarji." The Sardarji then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the Sardarji checked, and sure enough a paper bag was sitting beneath the mango tree. The Sardarji opened up the bag and found the $10,000 with a note saying, "How could you do this to a fellow Sardarji ?!"


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