Chalky, Dufus, Shirt, Tigger, and Enigma…

...Meet the Annoying One in Pyjamas

CHALKY	DUFUS	SHIRT	MATTHEW	TIGGER	ENIGMA

Seventh Galaxy had announced another rare signing event. The response from Servalan at the local group was an incredulous:

“You’re not going to go and meet Matthew Waterhouse, are you ?”

The answer, of course, was yes. (Anything to fill the few remaining gaps in their “Companions” books)

Chalky won the right to ‘phone Enigma to give her the news (despite having a female signing companion already). The news imparted, there was a thump from the other end of the phone, as probably Matthew’s only fan, almost fainting at being offered the chance to meet her hero.

So it was agreed that the friends would meet at Victoria Station at 9.30am on the morning of the signing.

“Enigma will never make it for 9.30”, predicted Shirt, “I’ll give you ‘evens’ she’s not there !”

Dufus and Shirt having met up earlier were the first to arrive, and were soon joined by Chalky and Tigger.

“Enigma’s ‘phoned me this morning..”, began Chalky.

“…She’s running late, and she’ll meet us at the signing”, finished Shirt, allowing himself a brief “told you so” whoop.

Travelling to Seventh Galaxy, Chalky and Tigger played a game, which seemed to involve seeing which of them could eat the most of the other’s face. Jealous jibes from Dufus and Shirt proved to have no effect, and this continued after they had got off the train, and in the queue, with only a brief respite to allow Chalky to buy the requisite items, and engage in small-talk with Little and Big Ted. Dufus and Shirt were running out of things to talk about to take their mind off the display in front of them, and finally decided to go to get some food from the supermarket on the floor below to break the monotony.

However, at this point things looked up (for Shirt at least), with the arrival of the leather-clad Enigma, who on seeing them, ran at top speed over to them, launching herself at Shirt, wrapping her arms and legs around him, whilst giving him a big wet kiss on the cheek. Putting her down, and going a vaguely red colour, Shirt’s only response was “Dufus missed it !”. Therefore, when Dufus returned with his food, Enigma had to re-enact her flying leap at Shirt (much to Shirt’s delight). Having been briefly introduced to Enigma, Tigger returned to eating Chalky’s face. Seeing Shirt’s forlorn face, Enigma decided to cheer him up by manhandling him in a “not unpleasant manner”. The suggestion that “anything they can do, we can do better” by Shirt was only partially taken on board by Enigma, who confessed that she had a new boyfriend (dashing all of Shirt’s hopes). Dufus just tried to ignore all this, aware that the double dose of totty, had sent the friends’ queue-rating sky-high, it was clear that neither were his girlfriend (with Chalky and Tigger clearly together, and to the untrained eye, so were Shirt and Enigma).

Dufus therefore decided to get photos of the gang standing in the queue. Unfortunately, his camera decided to play up, and so rather than pictures of Chalky, Shirt, Enigma & Tigger, he initially only managed to take several photos of the shopping centre floor, whilst blinding the other four with his flash. Finally, he managed to get one of Chalky and a very bashful Tigger (who let go of Chalky’s face enough to hide behind him), one of Shirt and Enigma mimicking Chalky and Tigger’s earlier behaviour, and one of the four of them.

Big Ted came down the queue, indicating that it was only ONE personal item, rather than the advertised two. Cue. much grumbling from Shirt. However, just after this the queue started moving, and after around half-an-hour, the five found themselves opposite the door to the shop. Peering in, Enigma was disappointed at how old Matthew was looking (it was twenty years ago, dear!). Entering the shop, Chalky (having left his face adornment outside) was the first to meet Matthew, a few brief words, and he posed for a picture with Matthew taken by Dufus. Dufus was next, and managing to avoid any “bungee” moments in his brief conversation with Mr. Waterhouse, before a photo was taken without problem.

Enigma was next, and managing to remember her name, and just about keep a grasp on the English language, got her photo and “Companions” books signed. Engaging Mr. Waterhouse in small-talk, Enigma was shocked to discover that he lived close to her cousin. Having posed for a quick photo with her idol, Enigma moved out of the shop. Shirt got his items signed, then rejoined the other four outside, who were listening to Enigma’s account of her meeting with her favourite companion.

The five then began to wend their way home, via several shops, during which Enigma made various revelations about her sex-life (but for more details on this, phone 0898 17021976). Mr. Waterhouse had been pleasant, and not at all annoying (how disappointing!).

[AE]