"I live in the North!" protested Dufus.

"No you don't," said the others, "you live in the Midlands."

"North!"

"Midlands!"

"North!"

"Midlands!"

And so the debate raged for many a year. Chalky and Shirt were so determined to prove Dufus wrong about his place of birth (Worksop in THE MIDLANDS) (NORTH!) (NO - MIDLANDS!) that they decided to travel up to visit his mum and ask her expert opinion - seeing as she still actually lived there.

Oh, and Anthony Ainley happened to be appearing in the nearby sleepy hamlet of Sheffield.

"I suppose we could go and see him after Dufus's mum has told us she lives in THE MIDLANDS!" suggested Chalky.

And so it was that Chalky, Dufus and Shirt climbed into Dufus's car late one Friday night to drive up to the Midlands - NORTH - MIDLANDS! - to spend a couple of nights staying in Dufus's family home.

Travelling along they enjoyed the Jonathan Blum-created delights of The Fearmonger and marvelled at the acting talents of Vince Henderson and how unlike Servalan, Jacqueline Pearce sounds.

Late that night they arrived in the Midlands - NORTH - bloody MIDLANDS! and crept into Dufus's house so as not to wake his mum.

Chalky was assigned a room by himself (thank goodness!) whilst Shirt had the dubious pleasure of sharing a room with the all-farting; all-smelling Dufus in what used to be his bedroom - aaaaaahhhh. Needless to say, Shirt pushed his 'put-me-up' bed (3 sofa cushions and a pillow) as far against the opposite wall as it was possible to go without actually being in the next room.

That said he was quite entertained by their conversation about which figures they would like to see Harlequin Miniatures release.

Chalky, oblivious to his world-changing debate, fell quickly asleep trying not to think too hard about what terrible family incidents might have occurred in his room and hoping this night wasn't going to turn into some cheap horror movie with a mad Mrs. Dufus bricked up behind a wall and Dufus stalking the house 'Norman-Bates' style.

The following morning they awoke, and after a hearty breakfast and introductions to Mrs Dufus, the three lads trundled off to Sheffield to meet Anthony Ainley.

The event was being held at Sheffield University and was hosted by the Watchers - a local fan group.

After arriving in Sheffield town centre, it only remained for the trio to find a reasonably-priced parking space. Naturally they managed to find an unreasonably-priced parking space, but it was fairly close to the University so they decided to risk the cost.

They wandered around to the University, which Shirt had a vague idea of its location having gone to University at the OTHER Sheffield establishment of higher learning (as he was at great pains to point out).

Once inside they managed to navigate the labyrinth of stairs and corridors and find the appropriate place. The rather long queue sort of tipped them off.

Eventually the queue was 'let in' (which actually meant they were allowed past the bloke at the table having showed their tickets) and the trio wandered over to the merchandise stall to see if there was anything worth squandering their ever-depleted pennies upon.

Then the time came to take their seats. Squeezing through the bottle neck doors in the mad rush to get the best seats, the trio managed to get some not too far back (in what was quite a small auditorium anyway) but shoved over to the left of the audience (and behind the some kids - cue lots of 'favourite monster/story' questions - aaah).

At one point it looked like they were going to show a video. We got a little way into Logopolis and then the organisers seemed to change their mind.

It was then that Mr. Anthony Ainley arrived. The trio were very excited. Here was someone that they hadn't actually met or seen in person before. They had heard none of his anecdotes and so the whole thing was a brand new experience.

The panel was very interesting with Mr. Ainley revealing his true thoughts on John Nathan-Turner and various other aspects of his experiences on Doctor Who.

He revealed that his favourite story is actually Destiny of the Doctors - the CD Rom game. Wonder if this is because he's the only person in it.

Another question raised was whether Mr. Ainley only ever wears black - seeing as he was clad like the night and always seems to be (even in role as the Master!).

After questions from the floor, the panel ended and the fans filed out to start a queue for autographs. Chalky, Dufus and Shirt found themselves stranded at the back of a very, very, very long queue and consequently waited absolutely ages to reach Mr. Ainley at the front.

When the journey was complete, Mr. Ainley was, thankfully, still amiable and chatty, asking the friends where they had come from and asking them if they knew Servalan, a Sutton fan whom Mr. Ainley was very friendly with. They explained that they didn't but would look her up. Mr. Ainley was even giving out sweets and happily posed for photographs with the trio.

And that was it. With brief thanks to Mr. Ainley and another quick perusal of the merchandise stall, the three friends made their way back to the car.

It was decided to visit the large out of town shopping centre near Sheffield and the odd video and cache of children's books were purchased before the gang found an American-style diner for some tea. With waiters and waitresses dancing and singing on the tables and good ol' rock and roll being played by the resident DJ, fun was had by all.

The trio then returned to Dufus's family home and chatted to Mrs. Dufus about their day.

Eventually the time came for bed and the trio retired ready to set off the following morning for the South (the Midlands!! - no hang on, wrong argument!) and home.