Chalky, Shirt & Lupine…

…ARMAGEDDON OUTTA HERE!

(Guest Starring: Tigger)

SWAD was organising a convention.  On principle, Chalky and Shirt didn’t attend such events because they found many SWAD members to be pretentious and aloof.  And, the guests held little interest, even though there were some who had not appeared before such as Bernard Kay and Scott Fredericks.

However, Chalky and Shirt were enticed into attending by the announcement that the convention would be screening the recently discovered episode of “The Daleks’ Masterplan: Day of Armageddon”.  Chalky was at a loss as to why Shirt was even vaguely interested in 25 minutes of black and white Hartnell.  The only possibility was that the screening would be free and that attendance of the convention was not a requirement.  The innate cheapness of Shirt had clearly overpowered the Hartnell-hating inner core.  Chalky and Shirt agreed to send off for tickets, which had to be done one per person and promised to contact the rest of the gang.

Weeks passed.  Chalky didn’t ring any of the gang (and neither did Shirt).

A few more weeks.  Shirt had sent off for his ticket.

A couple more weeks.  Chalky finally remembered to send off for his ticket.

Soon after, Shirt’s ticket arrived.

Chalky’s was conspicuous by its absence.

The week prior to the screening it looked like Shirt was going to have to view an entire Hartnell episode all by himself.  He’d have no one to hold his hand when Billy got crotchety.  Poor dear.

Thankfully, Chalky’s ticket arrived.  He was surprised, although reflected afterwards that the envelope was in his own handwriting so he should have recognised it the moment it dropped on the mat.

So plans were made to advance to Hammersmith at the requisite date and time.  Tigger agreed to accompany Shirt and Chalky on the basis that the screened episode was only 25 minutes in length and she could wander the myriad shops of Hammersmith whilst waiting for the duo to emerge from Riverside Studios – site of the screening.

Feeling a little guilty for forgetting to contact Dufus, Enigma or Lupine about the event, Chalky and Shirt – with Tigger in tow – arrived in Hammersmith and trekked to Riverside Studios, keeping an eye out for the distinctive sight of anoraks, record bags and naff T-Shirts – in short, Doctor Who Fans, to assure them they were travelling in the correct direction.

Drifting into the studios, Chalky and Shirt milled around the reception area for a few minutes before venturing down to the bar where a number of fans were also milling around.  With no sign of information about when the screening was due to start, and aware that they may have just walked into the convention which was running at the venue prior to the screening, Chalky grabbed a likely looking steward by the proverbials and demanded facts and figures about the “Day of Armageddon”.

The screening was due to start in around half an hour so Tigger departed and Chalky and Shirt perused 7^th Galaxy’s stall and spotted various celebrities such as Rob Shearman and Sylvester McCoy (with a mysterious cast on his foot).  And then they spotted Servalan and Cally.  Managing to avoid Servalan, Chalky and Shirt tried to blend into a pillar whilst vaguely queuing for the screening.  Cally still spotted them though and came over for a chat.  Avoiding the fact they hadn’t been to the group for at least a year, Chalky enquired after the rest of the Local People, learning that many new faces had joined to replace the lost triumvirate.

“It’s you!” cried Chalky.

“It’s you!” cried Shirt.

“It’s you!” cried Lupine.

 Lupine advanced towards the duo through the rapidly growing queue.

 “I was going to ring you about this,” said Chalky.

“I was going to ring you,” said Lupine.  “I’m here to meet Solomon from the Interweb thingy”.  Lupine found Solomon standing not far from Chalky, Shirt and Cally.  Whilst reading the handy little photocopied ‘Previously on “The Dalek’s Masterplan…” ’ sheet (the gang could hear William Hartnell doing a Buffy/Farscape style voice over now), the queue began to move, advancing on the tiny doorway from all directions.  In the milieu, Lupine and Solomon were separated from Chalky, Shirt and Cally. 

The massed fans proceeded through the doorway and then through two smaller doors reaching a staircase.  Climbing the staircase, Chalky and Shirt wondered how Sylvester with his plastered foot had managed to get up and down them.  Reaching the top of the winding staircase, the gang presented their tickets for tearing and then moved into the screening room.  Proceeding down steps, they found that they had no choice of where to sit and were forced into the fourth row back from the huge screen.  Cally’s advice of getting seats near the back having experienced the slightly grainy closeness of the screen earlier during the convention, was now purely an academic point.  Lupine and Solomon ending up sitting on the opposite side and a few more rows back.

And so the festivities began.  Some woman from SWAD stood up and told us not to be naughty fans and try to photograph or film the episode.  Then she introduced the special guest Mr. Nicholas Courtney who, for once, wasn’t there in his capacity of the Brigadier, but that of Bret Vyon – the role which usually forms a footnote to his long term engagement as Pertwee’s aide and confidante.  With a little speech, Mr. Courtney introduced the episode and the amassed fans settled back for Dalek action.

Katarina wailed, the Doctor was disguised, the Daleks schemed and Celation walked like a Thunderbird (to guffaws from the fans without sticks up their proverbials).  Steven was incensed and Bret not very nice as black and white history unfolded before them.

25 minutes later, after Daleks, Hartnell, Katarina, Steven, Mavic Chen and bizarre aliens, everyone filed out.  Cally was lost in the crowd and Lupine and Solomon joined Chalky and Shirt to walk back to Hammersmith station to meet Tigger and Pinkie.

Phonecalls to girlfriends and fiancées ensued as Chalky and Lupine endeavoured to find their respective partners.  Eventually Tigger and Pinkie arrived and Lupine, Solomon and Pinkie made a beeline to the tube, jumping on to an almost departing train.  Chalky, Tigger and Shirt waited patiently for their train and eventually wended their merry way homes.

[AE]