It started as an ordinary day. The core trio of the gang, Chalky, Dufus and Shirt met at the station for a day of fun and larks.

Waiting for the train, Chalky revealed the delights of watching The Space Pirates reconstruction. Not only is it possibly the worst Doctor Who story ever, but it ends on a terrible 'Scooby-Doo-style' gag which fails to be funny despite the cast finding it hilarious:

"I don't want to go in Liz 79" says Jamie, "I'd rather walk."

"You may have to!" replies the Doctor. Great hilarity ensues!

Anyhew.

Dufus was looking his best as usual with his up-to-date fashion and spinach in teeth motif.

Reaching Victoria, Chalky rang the gorgeous Enigma to check where she was.

"I'm at Victoria," she said. "I've just got off the train."

"Where are you?" asked Chalky, staring around at the masses of non-Enigma type people.

"Outside Boots."

"Oh, okay," replied Chalky, thinking she meant a Boots out of his sight, and not the one a few feet from where he was standing.

"I still can't see you," he said.

"Turn left…no right. Straight ahead." Chalky whirled like a dervish looking like a madman on a phone.

"Dufus is here with me," said Enigma.

"What?" exclaimed Chalky spinning around even more. "Oh," he said as he spotted Enigma but a few feet from him standing next to Dufus outside Boots, exactly where she'd said she was.

Big Ted was surprised to see the whole gang having become confused due to the recent spate of absenteeism.

Queuing up, Enigma's friend arrived. Lupine was quickly introduced to the group, including his spectacular case of Spectrox Toxemiea contracted from wolf fur, and slotted in like a square peg into a square hole.

The group were blocking a fire exit, and so the arrival of Cwej (and some new friends - shock!) meant he deserted the group for the wonders of the shopping centre mural.

Enigma tried to attract his attention with her wily feminine charms, but failed to raise a response.

The signing began and the group swiftly moved to the front. At the door, Dufus leant round to see how many minor celebrities were in attendance aside from the advertised Sylvester McCoy, Mike Tucker and Louise Faulkner.

"Nick Briggs and some woman at the end," he announced.

"Who is it?" asked the others, "Sarah Mowat?"

"Can't see."

Shirt leant round for confirmation.

"That's not Sarah Mowat - you fool. It's JOHN WADMORE!"

Chalky and Shirt could hardly contain their excitement. Enigma and Lupine could hardly contain their indifference. Dufus could hardly contain his confusion over John 'Sarah Mowat' Wadmore.

Chalky and Shirt had wanted Mr. Wadmore to appear at a signing for years and had brought along a few items on the off-chance he would turn up for the release of Dalek Empire. Frantic scrabbling in bags for suitable covers ensued.

Cover signing and celebrities chatting, Chalky asked Miss Faulkner if she was bribing Mike Tucker to appear in all his scripts as Bev Tarrant.

"Oh yes," she replied bluntly.

"I'm trying to bribe Nick Briggs now," added Mr. Tucker.

Dufus stuck 'Ace!' by Mike Tucker and Sophie Aldred under Mr. Tucker's nose.

"Erm, I've already signed that," he said.

"Oh, erm, oh…" bumbled Dufus. The silver ink had fooled him.

Then he tried to get him to sign Dalek Empire.

"Nothing to do with me, that one," explained Mr. Tucker.

"Oh, erm, oh…" bumbled Dufus some more.

Sylvester noticed Enigma's tattoo.

"I know that," he said.

"It's the Seal of Rassilon," explained Enigma.

"You know, from Doctor Who," continued Shirt.

"Oh yes. I knew I recognised it."

"It was in the TV Movie," explained Shirt. "You remember. They let you out of the home for that."

Chalky stood back, afraid Sylvester might clock Shirt one. Fortunately, he had a sense of humour (very fortunate really - at least one of them did - have you read any of Shirt's jokes…)

Chalky moved on to Nick Briggs whom he presented with a The Mutant Phase cover signed previously by Sarah Sutton.

"I could sign it from Sarah Sutton, if you like," he joked.

"Maybe you are Sarah Sutton," suggested Chalky, "I've never seen you together, you know."

Dufus moved on to Mr. Briggs and tentatively put his stuff forward hoping that Mr. Briggs would not recognise him from the unfortunate 'Sword of Orion' incident a couple of weeks ago.

Unfortunately, he did.

"You're the one who's shirt I didn't like," he said, "I see you've chosen a better one."

Dufus, not satisfied with having insulted Mr. Briggs once, proceeded to display complete ignorance as to whether he had written Dalek Empire. Nice touch, Dufus.

Lupine, new to the game, had only brought his Robots of Death DVD cover and only having bought Dust Breeding in the shop, and not wanting to seem rude to Mr. Briggs and Mr. Wadmore (unlike Dufus) asked them to sign the inside of his DVD, which they promptly did under the legend, "Nothing to do with me".

Usually the fun is over when the gang leave the shop. However, Enigma's presence meant that the gang wended their way but a short few steps to the Pansy Burger Bar across the road.

It was here that the gang's bond was sorely tested. Halfway through a bacon cheesburger, Dufus revealed to Chalky that the reason his Loups-Garoux CD had been slightly faulty (fortunately just a bit of dust) was because - in actual fact, Dufus's had been faulty and he had swopped it for Chalky's perfectly fine copy!

Chalky's jaw hit the floor. More to do with the fact that Dufus had managed to keep it a secret for two weeks than that he had swopped the CDs.

The gang then decided to visit the What Shop. Lupine here revealed an unhealthy interest in Star Trek and so the group quickly left the shop, but not before Shirt had conned the establishment out of a rare Target novel which had somehow found it's way into the 50p box.

Dufus dashed back and forth buying the latest novels like a madman.

Standing outside the shop, the gang nearly suffered heart attacks when Miss Winters, the owner, crept up on them.

"What have you bought?" she asked like the Spanish Inquisition.

Chalky kept quiet, "Oh just a couple of books," said Dufus.

At this point the gang headed home with a new friend added to their number.

(Little did they know, but their traitorous jaunt to What Shop had been observed…)

Of course, Dufus didn't want to travel home by train.

"I'd rather walk," he exclaimed.

"You may have to," replied Chalky.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Find out more in 'Chalky and Shirt Go Climb a Mountain"