Shirt…

...and the Unauthorised Gallifrey Death Tiger Nightmare.

In what was turning into a pattern, Shirt found himself attending a signing alone. Having managed to avoid spending the previous Saturday looking at wedding venues, by meeting Caroline Morris & Anne Riddler, Chalky was unable to manage the feat two weeks’ running [Under the thumb!]. Dufus’ finances were such that he couldn’t justify coming down for items that he already had on pre-order and for people he’d already met, and so he was also a no-show.

Therefore the lone figure of Shirt made his way across London, remembering to use the Jubilee line (the Circle line being closed, and the District line not running between Earl’s Court & Whitechapel), to Seventh Galaxy’s latest multi-item/multi-guest promotion. Attending would be: Louise Jameson for the first three "Gallifrey" CDs, Maureen O’Brien for the launch of her latest crime novel, "Unauthorised Departure", author David A. McIntee for his new 1^st Doctor book "The Eleventh Tiger", Stewart Bevan and Jerome Willis for the DVD release of "The Green Death", and some bloke who was apparently a Mandrel in "Nightmare of Eden" signing photos ("Who’s he related to, then ?", asked Chalky when he was announced on the website).

Shirt was initially undecided about buying the DVD, considering doing so just to ask "What’s it like sleeping with Katy Manning ?" ["You can’t ask Jerome Willis, that !"]. However, a quick check on the Internet Movie Database revealed that Mr. Willis was not only Mycroft Holmes in the two Christopher Lee "SH: The Golden Years" TV films, but more importantly was Captain Podley in "Space Precinct" !! The DVD was being bought then, but Shirt was resolved not to get it personalised this time (his personalised "Reign of Terror" boxset still sitting unwatched and unfloggable).

Arriving at Seventh Galaxy, Shirt found that the queue was already snaking round towards the lifts. Quickly entering the store, Shirt piled up the requisite items, quickly 'phoned Chalky to check if he wanted the MDW Graphic Novel (he didn’t), and joined a short queue in the shop. Reaching the front, Shirt paid for his items, hoping that the strip on his debit card which had been playing up worked (it did). Handing back his copy of the third "Gallifrey" CD to Big Ted, so that it could be signed later that week by Lynda Bellingham, and scribbling his address on a sticky label, Shirt received a spare "Green Death" cover pre-signed by Tony Adams in return.

Leaving the shop and joining the queue, Shirt found himself by the large doors to the storeroom behind the shops. Resigned to a long wait, Shirt sat down on the cold marble floor, and began listening to the Black "Flip-Flop" disc on his CD walkman, in an attempt to see whether Black-White was better than White-Black (as listened to, last time). An hour later, and the Black disc ended, the queue hadn't even moved. The time was now 12.15pm, and as if on cue, Big Ted appeared to tell the queue that they were "running a bit late". The time reaching 1pm before he appeared again, to say "only a few more minutes", revealed this to be an understatement. The late start and length of the queue meant that the "one personal item per guest" rule made an unwelcome return. Shirt decided to see how flexible this rule was, and called Big Ted over:

"If I don’t get a personal item for Stewart, can I have two personal items for Jerome", he asked, unable to decide whether "Space Precinct Vol 1" or "SH & The Leading Lady" would get the great man's signature.

"Alright", agreed Big Ted begrudgingly, "but make sure you tell the people at the front that I said it was OK".

Deciding to have a break before the White disc, Shirt looked around at the queue, and the family with three small children, one dressed, as customary on these occasions, as Tom Baker, who were trying to put a brave face on it, and work out how to utilise the children to get more items signed. Then another mini-Tom turned up, and the two spent the next ten minutes comparing costumes, and recruiting the other two as a UNIT operative and female companion.

At 1.15pm, wonders of wonders, the queue started to move….slowly….very slowly. By 1.45pm, Shirt had crossed over to the railings. It was also at this point that the two fans behind him began bitching about all and sundry, beginning with Seventh Galaxy who "couldn't organise a drinking session in an alcohol-production plant". Their main gripe seemed to be the reduction to one personal item, and the hold-up caused by the guests signing pre-orders. They then moved onto complaining about their "friends", causing Shirt to count himself lucky that he was not among their number.

By 2.15pm, Shirt was nearly there, with only the (original) mini-Tom-Baker and family and a woman in front of him.

"Guess what time it is ?", the man manning the door asked them.

'Lunchtime', thought Shirt.

"Lunchtime !", the man said.

What Shirt thought next is unrepeatable, as the guests chomped their way through sandwiches, went in pairs to the loo, and then stood about aimlessly chatting, resisting all attempts to persuade them to sit down and start signing.

Big Ted left the shop and addressed the queue.

"David A. McIntee has to go, so he's coming down the queue to sign your books".

A few minutes later, Mr. McIntee and Double-Agent appeared, and "The Eleventh Tiger" was signed for Chalky (well it is a 1^st Doctor book - and in black-and-white) and "Mission Impractical" for Shirt.

A few minutes later, the queue began moving again, and the family disappeared into the shop, closely followed by the woman. Two minutes later, Shirt joined them, only to find that the woman had queue-jumped, due to only wanting a signed photo of Louise, despite queuing for four hours. On the way, he told Little Ted about his agreement with Big Ted. Little Ted just mumbled in a way that he thought made it sound like he was interested.

First up was Mandrel, Robert Goodman, who was happily signing any "Nightmare of Eden" covers placed in front of him, whether people had bought the photos or not. Shirt not wishing to buy the photo had not brought his cover. Therefore, it was a quick side-step to Jerome Willis, who signed the DVD cover (without personalisation, as requested) and "Space Precinct" covers without comment, but suddenly found his voice when offered "SH & The Leading Lady".

"Why were these never on UK TV ?", he demanded of Shirt.

"I don't know", Shirt answered.

Stewart Bevan's interest was piqued, and he looked at the cover.

"It's a PAL video", he added helpfully.

"Yes, but it was never on UK TV !", Jerome insisted, adding for Stewart's benefit, "I was Mycroft".

Shirt decided against asking Mr. Willis if he had been edited out in the more recent edited video releases, and moved on to Stewart who also signed the DVD cover.

Moving on, Shirt found himself in front of Maureen O'Brien, and proffered her latest novel and a "Galaxy 4" CD sleeve.

"I know you", Maureen said, "Did I see you at Birmingham ?"

"Crime Scene, last year", Shirt helpfully added.

"Oh yes. What's your name again ?"

"Shirt".

"Oh yes".

Both items signed, Shirt moved along to Louise, who may have been the reason that the queue had taken so long, as with her promoted items - 3 "Gallifrey" CDs and a photo - and a personal item, some people were getting five signatures from her. Shirt managed with three - 2 "Gallifrey" CDs and his "Robots of Death" DVD cover - which Louise signed with a flourish (and her customary heart).

Leaving the shop, past several fans who were having explained to them why they could not have their cover signed and dedicated by Louise also signed by Lynda Bellingham, and after a quick check that he hadn't left any of the multitude of items behind, Shirt wended his way slowly back home, stopping off briefly at the What Shop, where Helen A was entertaining what Shirt took to be an American tourist, but who on second thoughts (and seeing a sci-fi mag front-cover) might have been a star of Tigger's favourite US import, "Angel".

[PL]