Shirt…
...A Hitch
In Time
To celebrate the thirtieth anniversary of the first
“Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy” book and the publication of the sixth book
in the increasingly erroneously-named ‘Trilogy’, Pan Macmillan Books and
Penguin Books had joined forces to bring “Hitch-Con 09” to the Royal Festival
Hall. Despite publicising this event to the rest of the gang, it was a lone
Shirt that made his way to London’s South Bank. Despite the offer of freebies
if you were the one of the first 150 to arrive in a dressing gown with a towel,
Shirt decided to go in his normal clothes (despite having previously gone to an
DW event in full Sixth Doctor costume), partly due to deciding that he needed a
dressing gown that actually looked like Arthur Dent’s in the TV series and
partly because he thought that he would be too hot. Arriving at the venue, it
seemed that confusingly the prize for attending in gown and towel, was another
gown and towel (the latter having the legend - “A Hoopy Frood always knows where his towel is”
printed on it).
Having
taken the opportunity to have a quick look round a display of “Hitchhikers”
related items, including the Guide from the TV series, models of ships,
different editions of the books, and a copy of “The Hitch-hiker’s Guide to
Europe” which is said to have inspired Douglas Adams in a field in Innsbruck,
Shirt joined a short queue at the book stall, purchasing “And Another Thing”,
the sixth book penned by Eoin Colfer (author of the ‘Artemis Fowl’) books, and
the new version of the first book (with introduction by Russell T. Davies). Having
had a quick look at the “Hitchhikers” fan club table, deciding not to buy a
two-headed Beeblebear teddy-bear (due to them being too damn scary), he then
made his way up to the level above, and the entry door to the Royal Festival
Hall, taking his seat in the third row, smiling at the large number of people
in dressing gowns, sweating profusely, using their novelty towels to wipe their
brows.
The
first session was “The Douglas Adams Chat Show”. Following a recorded
announcement from Sir Ian McKellen about not taking photos, the host of the
session, Clive Anderson walked onto the stage. Having done a witty introduction,
which was stopped by cries that he could not be heard at the back, he managed
to twist himself behind a microphone set around a semi-circle of chairs for the
participants who would be seated. His back giving out, he quickly took his seat
and introduced the panel – quintessential Arthur Dent, Simon Jones; producer of
the radio pilot, Simon Brett; producer of Tertiary, Quandary &
Quintessential phases, Dirk Maggs; Douglas’ literary agent, Ed Victor; and Douglas’
business partner & executive producer of the “Hitchhikers” film, Robbie
Stamp. Anecdotes were shared about working with Douglas, mainly about his
inability to keep to deadlines (save in relation to the Pilot it would seem).
Dirk told of how having gone round to Douglas’ and having been played an
excerpt of Douglas playing Agrajag in an audio reading of “Life, The Universe
and Everything”, was asked “Who do you think should play this character in the
radio series ?”. Failing to pick up on the hint, Dirk had thought about the
ranting character and suggested “John Cleese?”, before Mr. Adams indicated that
he had meant himself (and was indeed cast). It was also agreed that the film
would never have been made had it not been for Douglas’ death, due to him never
being happy with any draft and the desire for it to be a tribute to him,
encouraging progress. It had also been decided that there would not be a third
‘Dirk Gently’ radio series, based on “The Salmon of Doubt”, as the novel was
incomplete and it would be impossible to predict where the story might have
gone. Questions were taken from the audience, with the first being to Simon
Jones – “Will you sign my dressing gown, please ?”. After a few sensible
questions, there was a long-drawn out one about Arthur carrying a gun in one
scene in the TV series, which completely perplexed the panel in its complexity
and triviality.
The
session completed, and Shirt followed the large throng downstairs for the first
signing session, which was to be for the new versions of the first five books.
However, it seemed that Shirt was one of the few people to buy one of these,
most people getting their “And Another Thing” signed by all guests. The queue
moved swiftly, and soon Shirt was in sight of the signing table. Sitting at the
table were Simon Brett, Dirk Maggs, Simon Jones & Ed Victor. However, as
Shirt watched, Dirk got up and left the table, being replaced by Mark ‘Zeephod
Beeblebrox’ Wing-Davey. Putting away his ‘Tertiary-Quintessential’ script-book
that he had got out in readiness for Dirk, Shirt cursed his luck, as the man
three places in front of him, had managed to get both Dirk and Mark’s autograph,
before the former left. Reaching Simon Brett, Shirt offered the first novel and
the script-book of the Primary & Secondary Phase. Simon shifted both along
the table where they were signed by Mark Wing-Davey. Reaching Mark, Shirt also
got his “Hitchhikers” DVD and video sleeves signed (having finally deciphered a signature on the latter, which
turned out to be David Dixon, concerned about not getting the same item signed
by the same person twice). Moving along, he got Simon Jones on the two covers,
in the novel and first script-book, as well as in “And Another Thing”. Ed
Victor was last, signing the first and sixth books in the ‘trilogy’.
Having
forty-five minutes before the next session, Shirt quickly popped back to
Waterloo Station to get some lunch, returning in time to take his seat on the
other side of the auditorium for the two afternoon sessions. About on time, the
lights went down, Sir Ian said his piece, and Jason Bradbury (otherwise known
as ‘the bald one from ‘The Gadget Show’’) took to the stage to introduce ‘The
Blizzards’, an Irish rock group who had written a song based on the sixth book.
The music was very loud and the lyrics hard to make out, but a “Hitchhikers”-themed
video playing above the band was very entertaining. This completed and Jason
introduced Eoin Colfer to the stage. Eoin chatted generally about his writing,
his thrill at writing the new novel, his creation of a new main character to
accompany Arthur et al – Hillman Hunter (geddit??) – before starting on
readings of two gargantuan excerpts from the book. The first concerned the
Vogons and the second an interview for the position of god of a new settlement.
Eoin was keen to get to the ‘pay off’ for each segment, and so continued with
each to the ‘bitter end’. He then took questions, asking that they not be about
Arthur Dent carrying guns, before revealing his excitement at appearing in the
live radio-play later. His time having run out, ‘Wowbagger’ (in the person of
Large Endings’ regular, Toby Longworth) appeared to tell him to shut up.
Following
a twenty-minute break, it was time for the main event – a live “Hitchhikers”
radio show. Whilst this was being set up, Wowbagger appeared again to insult as
many members of the audience as he could. Finally the familiar theme tune
started up, and an announcer appeared to announce – “The Hitchhikers Radio
Show”. Then ambling onto the stage came an even more familiar figure in a
familiar red dressing gown, Simon Jones, accompanied by radio Ford Prefect,
Geoffrey McGivern.
When
the cheering died down, and having ascertained that Geoff was not from
Guildford, a spotlight revealed the latest Voice of the Book, Andrew Sachs,
seated in an armchair. His narration which was going well, suddenly came to a
halt when the spotlight went out leaving him in darkness and unable to read his
script. The Vogons having captured Arthur & Ford and ejected them into
space, they were miraculously picked up, with another cheer greeting the
arrival on stage of Mark Wing-Davey & Susan Sheridan as Zaphod and Trillian
respectively. A few seconds later, the biggest cheer of the afternoon went to
Stephen Moore as he slowly made his way to the microphone to intone (as Marvin)
– “I think you should know, I’m feeling very depressed !”.
The
plot continued apace, with Harry Shearer appearing as Slartibartfast, Toby
Longworth returning as Wowbagger, Stephen Moore giving them his ‘whale
monologue’ as well as more Marvin, Michael Fenton-Stephens & Philip Pope as
the mice (with comedy ‘mouse ears’), Samantha Beart reprising her radio role as
Random Dent, Douglas Adams (on tape) providing his infamous Agrajag, and Eoin
Colfer appearing as the Dish of the Day. All the while, Dirk Maggs and an assistant
were struggling to provide on-the-spot sound effects, as well as Dirk using an
umbrella to symbolise Agrajag attacking Arthur. After over seventy minutes of
live performance (and having covered all five series), the play came to an end,
following a performance of the song “Marvin” by Stephen Moore (backed by the entire
cast), with the announcer reading the credits and a large photo of Douglas
appearing on the screen behind them as his name was mentioned, which the cast
all turned to in unison. Following a brief ‘retake’ of the opening credits, the
final panel session of the day came to an end.
Rushing
downstairs again, Shirt joined the queue to get his book signed by Eoin Colfer.
The queue moved swifter still, as fans only had copies of the books not other merchandise.
Eoin was seated between his two young sons (whom he was muttering, he had been
told would be looked after during the signing session), one of whom was
autographing the bookmarks advertising “Hitchhikers” chairs, in an attempt to
emulate his father. Having got his book signed, Shirt made his way out of the
Festival Hall, along to Waterloo Station, wending his way home still buzzing
from the infinitely improbable experience of the live “Hitchhikers Radio Show”.
[PL]