Chalky, Dufus & Shirt…
…Invasion V!
There hadn’t been an Invasion for 16 months (there was one every
week in the Pertwee era), and so when Seventh Galaxy announced a fifth
convention in Barking, Chalky, Dufus and Shirt were interested. The initial
promises of Peter Davison, Brian Blessed, Royce Mills Rob Shearman and Angela
Bruce were quietly received, but when new series guests, Noel Clarke (Mickey)
and Jimmy Vee (Moxx of Balhoon) were announced, all three (including the umming-and-ahhing
Dufus) quickly booked their places. By the time, July rolled round, Peter had
been replaced by John Barrowman (Captain Jack), causing Shirt to make a loud
exclamation of annoyance, (having paid £30 to get two signatures from him at
the London Film & Comic Con), along with Janet Fielding and Julian Glover
(and for a very short time, his wife, Isla Blair). Tigger was not interested in
coming, and both Lupine and Enigma also declined.
Therefore,
it was the core-group that made its way to Barking in Dufus’ car, accompanied
by the Beautiful South’s interpretations of such classics as “You’re the One
That I Want” and “Don’t Stop Moving”. The event had moved from Barking Library
to a local school, and the poor quality maps provided, meant that the friends
were concerned about finding the venue. However, just before the quoted doors
opening time, they saw the school appear on their left. Swinging into the small
entrance marked on the map, they drove a few feet up a small drive, before
being hailed by TIM, the long-haired fan who so annoys them at signings, who
came running up behind the car, his keys jangling.
“Attendees need to use the other gate”, he told them.
Dufus then attempted to turn round, finally managing it. The task
was made more difficult by two other cars of fans following them in. Returning
to the road, and following the road round the school, the three grumbled about
TIM.
“If he’d been doing his job manning the gate rather than speaking to
his friend, we wouldn’t have turned in”
“Why didn’t someone put a sign up?”
“That was the entrance marked on the map!”
Finding the correct entrance, they parked, and wandered round the
side of the school to where the queue to get in was. Standing in the queue, the
three were shocked to find out that they could still hear TIM’s keys jangling
from the other side of the school playing field. Behind the gang, three other
fans were having a strangely familiar conversation:
“If he’d been doing his job manning the gate rather than speaking to
his friend, we wouldn’t have turned in”
“Why didn’t someone put a sign up?”
“That was the entrance marked on the map!”
Finally the doors opened, and traipsing in and giving their booking
letters to the stewards behind the desk, the three soon had their convention
packs and badges.
Entering the main hall, they picked good seats for the first panel
of the day, Janet Fielding. Almost immediately, Dufus disappeared to the toilet
and merchandise room on the other side of the school, returning several minutes
later, not having bought anything, hoping to persuade Chalky to buy him lots of
stuff for his birthday. Shirt went to the merchandise room next, noting that
they had the new series Annual, three weeks early. On his return, Chalky and
Dufus went off back to the merchandise room, whilst Shirt struggled to save all
three chairs. A comedy Dalek kept the attendees amused in the hall, with its
‘empty child’ impression going down best. Finally, Chalky and Dufus returned,
just before the curtains on the stage opened to reveal a TARDIS, through which
a few minutes later, the events MC emerged, struggling to make his microphone
work, before going through a few housekeeping things, then introducing Janet
Fielding and Gary Russell, who would be interviewing her.
There initially seemed to be some light-hearted animosity between
the two (obviously nothing to do with her then refusal to work with Large
Endings!), but as the interview went on, and they moved away from Janet’s
opinions on Tom Baker, Matthew Waterhouse, and the standard of the scripts, the
tone lightened. Janet it seemed was enjoying the new series, but stated
categorically that she would not appear in it, even in a cameo, if asked. She
also spoke about her writing, but made clear that she would not want to write
for “Doctor Who”, either on television or with Large Endings.
The next panel was John Barrowman, and having already met John,
Shirt decided to join the autograph queue, hoping to meet Noel Clarke and Jimmy
Vee. Dufus and Chalky settled down for John Barrowman’s panel, smug in the
knowledge Shirt had paid to see the star and they were getting him for
free…well, sort of…maybe it was Jimmy Vee they got free in a buy one new series
guest star, get one free kind of deal.
Anyway, John burst on stage to rapturous applause and proceeded to argue
with the resident Dalek, make rude gestures and generally be crude, disgusting
and very very funny!
The interview proceeded to explore a little of John’s life before
Doctor Who (is there such a thing nowadays?) and then concentrate on his time
on the new series. John insisted he was
back in series two (pah!) but not until David Tennant had settled in as the new
Doctor. (Oh, if only we knew then what
we know now). John’s interview
certainly gave its moneysworth. At its
conclusion, Dufus and Chalky decided to go and join the autography queue only
to find a horrendously long line of people snaking around the school
corridors. Finding a place, Chalky went
ahead to check where Shirt was, presuming that he’d have got in within the hour
they’d been listening to John.
Meanwhile, in the autograph queue, Shirt was going nowhere fast.
Being a long way from the speaker relaying John Barrowman’s panel, he only
caught small excerpts when John shouted. Looking at his timetable, Shirt was
annoyed to see that Jimmy Vee would be leaving for his panel long before he
reached the autograph room. In front of Shirt, a middle-aged man and his mother
were waiting patiently. The mother seemed to be feeling the strain, but was
told that she could not go outside for air, as he needed her to take photos of
him with the guests. Then a bit of excitement, Julian Glover, came out of the
autograph room, looking about for a steward. Little Ted appeared, and pointed
Mr. Glover in the direction of the school’s boy’s toilets.
“Oh god !”, exclaimed the great actor on seeing them.
About fifteen minutes later, the giant Brian Blessed lumbered out of
the room, following the same route, returning a few minutes later.
“We’ve all got to go!”, he boomed at the assembled fans.
Chalky appeared to tell Shirt, that he and Dufus were now in the
queue, albeit quite far back, before rejoining Dufus.
Time continued to go slowly. In fact the man’s mother could probably
spent over an hour outside taking the air, and her son would only have moved a
few centimetres. However, looking at his timetable, Shirt was pleased to see
that Jimmy Vee’s panel had now finished, and just prior to Shirt reaching the
front of the queue, the man himself returned. Getting all his items together as
instructed, Shirt finally entered the autograph room.
First up was Royce Mills, who took the proffered DVD covers
(“Resurrection” and “Revelation”), whilst the steward beside him, ticked off
two signatures on Shirt’s autograph sheet (2 signatures per guest). Having
already met Chris Achilleos, Shirt continued on past, to old friend, Rob
Shearman. Having told him how much he had enjoyed “Dalek”, Shirt got Rob on his
new series poster and Doctor Who Annual 2006. Having no CDs for David Darlington,
he moved on to Gary Russell, who didn’t have an appropriate pen to sign Shirt’s
copy of his latest Sixth Doctor novel. Shirt therefore lent
Next, Shirt joined a small queue for Janet Fielding, who, after
checking that he had no ticks on his autograph sheet against her name, signed
his “Logopolis” and “Kinda” covers, commenting on her hairstyle on the cover of
the latter. Shirt then initially joined a small queue for Noel Clarke, before realising
that there was no-one currently meeting Jimmy Vee. Leaving the queue, he moved
over to the table in the corner, where he got Jimmy’s signature on a photo, his
new series poster and the “Monsters and Villains” book. Paul Kasey (Tree
Person/Slitheen/Auton) looked lonely.
“Sorry, I’ve already met you”, said Shirt.
Mr. Kasey looked disbelieving at this.
Rejoining the queue for Noel Clarke, Shirt again got his poster and
a photo signed. He then offered his Doctor Who Annual 2006.
“Shall I sign over Billie’s face?”, asked Mr. Clarke, before on
noticing Shirt’s expression, adding, “Only joking !”
John Barrowman, Brian Blessed and Julian Glover not currently
signing, Shirt left the room.
Chalky and Dufus had also been making slow progress, but were
getting close to the front of the queue outside the room.
“You’ll never get in before lunch”, noted Shirt, going outside for
some air.
On
his return, he found that he was right, Chalky and Dufus having been given
stickers, indicating that they would be numbers 16 and 17, when the signing
restarted after lunch. Dufus put his on upside-down, which now seemed to
indicate that he cost “£1”. Although
they were able to go away and come back, the two stayed in the queue, save Dufus
accompanying Shirt to his car to drop off excess merchandise, and both visiting
the merchandise room again.
Shirt left them in the queue, telling Chalky to get the pen back off
Gary Russell, and went to watch the Noel Clarke panel. Noel was unable to talk
much about Series Two, but hinted that Mickey’s anger towards the Doctor is
going to be built on. It seemed that he had never had formal training, but had
been seen by a director and cast in a Channel 4 series, that led to “Auf
Wiedersehen Pet” and then “Doctor Who”. He also revealed that he read about
Eccleston’s departure in the newspapers, “like everyone else”. He spoke about
being recognised, and being on a plane to
Chalky and Dufus meanwhile, were slowly creeping towards the door to
the autography room. Unfortunately the
organisers of the autograph room decided to let people through who only wanted
one or two of the guests leaving Dufus and Chalky at the front of the queue,
but failing to gain entry because they wanted all the guests currently in the
room. After promise after promise
they’d be next in, Dufus and Chalky were still going nowhere fast. Eventually, they were allowed to enter the
chaos that was the autograph room.
Initially joining a long queue for John Barrowman they got his signature
on their stuff, had their sheets ticked and then moved on. At this point Chalky and Dufus took
different routes around the room, trying to judge who had the shortest
queue. Chalky greeted Janet Fielding
and then moved on to Angela Bruce.
Skipping Julian Glover, (not a sausage for him to sign) Chalky met Rob
Shearman and Chris Achilleos. With Noel
Clarke on stage, the lads left the autograph room hoping that maybe later they
may get to meet the missing guests.
Back in the main hall, the next panel began, and Shirt was still
looking around the hall for the other two. Jeremy Bentham in his quest not to
even mention “Doctor Who” in his interviews with guests, was talking to Royce
Mills, when a roar from the TARDIS revealed that Brian Blessed had finally made
it.
“I think we’re about to be upstaged”, comment Mr. Bentham.
An understatement – for the rest of the time allotted, Brian growled
his way through anecdote after anecdote (none from “Doctor Who”, almost all
from “Flash Gordon”), gave the assembled company his Pavarotti from “Stars in
Their Eyes”, and general thumped around the stage, giving neither of the other
two a chance to interrupt. He then refused to leave the stage until he had
finished an anecdote about Peter Miles, but kept digressing. Short version –
Peter fainted, Brian carried him off (but not until the hall had all learnt
about Virginia McKenna’s farting). Chalky arrived halfway through, and Dufus a
little later, but both quickly became caught up in the legend that is Blessed !
Next up was Rob Shearman, who told the throng about the bits of
“Dalek” that would have got it more than a “12” certificate, if they had not
been cut. In his usual self-deprecating way, he batted away much of the
interviewer’s praise, but revealed that he would welcome writing an episode for
Series Three. He also made clear that “Jubilee” remains canonical, as it is not
as similar to “Dalek” as some suggest.
This panel completed, and Gary Russell having appeared to give Shirt
his pen back, Chalky and Dufus, went to see if they had any chance of meeting
Noel Clarke. The answer seemed to be “No”, given the long queue, all just for
Noel. However, as Royce Mills and Jimmy Vee could be met, without joining a
long queue they went in, whilst Shirt listened to the Large Endings’ panel on
the speakers.
The gang together again, they returned to the main hall, via the
merchandise room, to hear the end of the Large Endings’ panel. This completed,
all guests that were still on the premises, namely Messrs. Clarke, Vee, Kasey
and Shearman, and Ms. Fielding, came back onto stage to draw the raffle, and
pose for a group photo.
Returning to Dufus’ car, the three wended their way back to Chalky
and Tigger’s (managing not to lose the Rotherhithe Tunnel), where the four went
out for a Chinese meal for Dufus’ birthday (nine days late), before all
returned to their respective accommodation, ready for more adventures the next
day.
(l-r:
Noel Clarke, Gary Russell, Janet Fielding, Paul Kasey, Rob Shearman & Jimmy
Vee)
[PL]