Shirt was in Crete.

Lucky him.

Why?

Because while he was away, Longleat decided to have their special Doctor Who Day!

So, did this mean that the terrible trio was down to two again.

No, no, no, no.

Enigma was free and raring to go!

And so it was that Chalky, Dufus and Enigma spent a summer's day in the company of Wendy, Peter, Nick, June, Gary and John.

Originally, the guest line up had included Tom instead of Peter. Enigma had been willing, but hadn't sounded immensely excited.

However, when phoning to arrange final details, Chalky mentioned that Tom had pulled out to be replaced by Peter.

There was a scream and then a thud!

"Oh my god!" screamed Enigma. She had been fairly miffed to miss Peter's appearance at Seventh Galaxy, due her sister's birthday. Fate had stepped in to cheer her up.

"I'm coming!"

Enigma had only attended a couple of signings before, and had never been to a convention. She hadn't been to Longleat since she was 8. Chalky and Dufus were old hands. Chalky was apprehensive because the previous year's fun at Longleat, had been anything but fun. A chaotic shambles was the phrase he used to describe it. He hoped that this year would be better, especially considering it was Enigma's first time.

Luckily - it was.

The revised trio arrived at Longleat in plenty of time, after having explained to Dufus (who was driving) that they didn't need to leave at 5 in the morning, and that they certainly didn't need to avoid the roadworks around Bristol (mainly because they would be going nowhere near Bristol!).

The timetable was up - three signings were due to take place at the same time, 11am-1pm.

Oh dear, thought Chalky, flashback to last year…

However, he was to be pleasantly surprised.

The decision was quickly made - due mainly to insistence from Enigma - that they would queue for Peter and see what happened from there.

On the way to the Orangery, Enigma and Chalky spotted John Nathan-Turner, resplendent in a green shirt (the Hawaiian's must have been in the wash). Dufus didn't notice - too busy lighting a fag.

Then the trio noticed Gary Downie, one time production manager.

"Do you think it would be rude to ask for his autograph?" asked Dufus.

"A bit," replied Chalky, never liking to accost people in the street, as it were.

"Stuff it!" said Dufus, "Gimme a pen."

And so it was the trio found that Gary was an awfully nice bloke who only wears his Doctor Who T-Shirts in the house.

Time passed. The sun beat down. People sweated. The family behind them started chatting. All power to the next generation - although little Owen did decide that Tom Baker had better watch his step as all the Doctor's had died 'in order' so far.

"One item only" - that was the phrase of the day. Didn't really matter, though. All the guests were doing more than one signing session, and the numbers of attendees were so small, you could easily join the back of the queue.

Enigma, in a stuporific state, handed her book to Nick.

He signed.

"Don't you want your name?" whispered Chalky.

"Oh yeh! Erm, could you sign it to me!"

"Enigma," whispered Chalky.

"Oh yeh, Enigma!"

She moved on.

"I've waited a long time for this," she gasped to Peter.

Not the best thing to say to someone - tends to remind them of their age.

In and out in ten minutes. The trio trotted off to see what else was going on. Wandering back to the courtyard, who should they see but Wendy Padbury at a desk, signing autographs. Three more people quickly joined the queue.

"We saw you at Weston," said Dufus obviously following his very own, unique, train of logic.

"We were especially glad you did the Vicar story," proffered Chalky.

"Vicar story?" queried Wendy.

"Yeh, you know. The famous one. The Vicar and Knickers one."

"Oh god!" wailed Wendy, "I call it the Kilt story." Miss Padbury looks awfully embarrassed.

"Let's see if June Hudson is in the merchandise tent," suggested Chalky.

"Why?" asked Dufus, "Is she on sale?"

They entered and cast their eyes around. There, at the end of a wooden trestle table was a small elderly lady.

"Is that her?" whispered Chalky. They edged closer. No-one seemed to be paying the little old lady any attention, but then Chalky spied leaflets in front of her that looked suspiciously like costume designs.

"Hello, are you signing things?" asked Chalky.

"Of course dear." And so it was that Chalky, Dufus and Enigma met June Hudson, a lovely lady who was more than willing to sign anything and everything (and contrary to the billing outside, was not only signing costume prints). Of course, the mad thing is, because no one knew she was there (or in a lot of cases, who she was - bless her) they stood for quite a while chatting, signing and having photographs. Enigma even got a grandmotherly kiss. Elsewhere, people were still getting 'Only one item' signed by the other stars - typical Longleat logic.

A trip round the exhibition.

A little bit of shopping.

Lunch.

The auction.

Chalky and Dufus had agreed they may try and bid for some of the Colin Baker items, on behalf of Shirt, knowing full well they would go for far more than they could afford, but at least Shirt wouldn't be able to say they hadn't tried.

Put it this way. For Colin's trousers, they stopped at £65.

Other items of interest - the Denys Fisher Leela Doll; an original roundel; Colin's waistcoat; Peter's hat; Sylv's hatband; Nick Courtney's toupee (!); the Police Box sign; Ace's ghetto blaster; and the usual run of things that no one is willing to pay more than a tenner for - especially those bloody TARDIS landscape pictures, whether they're in a frame or on a T-Shirt.

The afternoon saw more signing sessions and probably the highlight of the day.

Enigma is a poor fan. She owns very few pieces of merchandise. Having already got the book signed, what else could she offer.

She only had the shirt on her back…

That was it!

She'd get Peter to sign her T-Shirt.

"He'll never do that," said Chalky.

"I can but ask," replied Enigma, determined.

And so she did. Peter looked slightly aghast, but acceded.

Later, the trio found Nick Courtney sitting lonely in the merchandise tent (goodness knows why, he was supposed to be in the Orangery, and strangely enough, he was not inundated with fans - because no one knew he was there - what is it with Longleat - are they totally thick when it comes to simple organisation?)

He happily signed item after item (because it seemed the 'One item only' rule didn't apply under the awning) and Enigma decided to get him to sign her T-Shirt too.

"Shall I sign it on the bra strap?" asked Nick.

"Oooh!" exclaimed Enigma.

"Cheeky Courtney," laughed Nick.

Slush puppies and ice cream.

The death of Ian Marter (can you believe one fan, eavesdropping our conversation, had no idea Ian had died in the eighties?).

The carpet-covered Time Lord.

The tin-foil K9.

A bearded Mr. Oak.

The traditional cake-cutting ceremony (why do they bother?).

A great day.

Enigma was finally a fully fledged member of the signing circuit.

Chalky, Dufus, Enigma and Shirt will return…