What to say about Ms Manning, what to say.

Mad, is an adjective that springs to mind.

Entertaining, warm; friendly, funny and joyful are five less offensive ones.

The What Shop had done it. Katy Manning was to be signing copies of the newly released - Lust In Space (presumably she featured in it, otherwise it would be a pretty pointless exercise).

As always, Chalky, Dufus and Shirt assembled in East London to queue for hours whilst being stared at by the local populous.

They were inside the shop. Ms Manning was expounding her views on love and life to some poor bloke who just wanted her to sign his copy of The Companions (:-) hey hey!!).

Chalky, Dufus and Shirt drew nearer.

And nearer.

And stepped back a little when caught in the backblast from one of Ms Manning's greetings.

Nearer.

Back again - she just gave someone a hug.

Nearer.

"I'm scared," whispered Chalky, as they passed the point of no return.

Dufus was at the desk. Ms Manning was armed with gold pen. Dufus plonked his video covers on the desk.

"What's your name dear?" asked Ms Manning.

"Dufus," said Dufus.

"Okey dokey," replied Ms Manning as she set about scrawling upon his copy of The Mind of Evil. As she did so, she whittered away about everything and nothing.

"OH NO!" she exclaimed suddenly.

"Eh?"

"I've signed it 'To Katy'!"

Screams of laughter. Dufus grinned inanely.

"What to do? What to do?" gabbled Ms Manning. "I know, I'll sign it from you!"

Dufus grinned inanely.

"What's your surname, Dufus?"

"Knockneed"

"I wish I hadn't asked!" exclaimed Ms Manning.

Screams of laughter. Chalky and Shirt were dying from a mixture of hysteria and embarrassment.

"To Katy Manning, love from Dufus Knockneed!"

Dufus left the shop, leaving Chalky and Shirt to face the madness of Ms Manning alone.

"To Chalky, please," said Chalky, politely.

"Tra la la."

Everything was going fine, then...

"Ms Manning, do you remember Mrs. Friend-from-the-past?"

"OH MY GOD!" exclaimed Ms Manning as she was reunited with an old school friend, half way through signing Chalky's Lust In Space cover. A mini-episode of This Is Your Life ensued and Chalky and Shirt smiled politely and waited patiently.

Eventually, Ms Manning realised she was rudely ignoring the stunningly handsome and definitely desirable, Chalky.

"Oh my dear, I've ignored you. Anything else?"

"Yes please."

As Ms Manning signed his second item, Chalky decided upon his third and final item (deeming this to be a fair and just number).

"Only two items, sorry," said a gruff voice standing beside Ms Manning.

"What? But he (indicating the imaginary form of Dufus) got three items."

"Two only."

"Bastard!" muttered Chalky under his breath.

Ms Manning, though, was oblivious to this exchange. Chalky decided to remain polite and calm (when, in retrospect, he should have kicked up a stink) and asked to shake her hand.

"You can have all of me, darling!" replied Ms Manning as two red-clawed hands lurched over the desk to enfold the unfortunate form of Chalky.

Outside, re-joined by Shirt, the three exchanged stories, Chalky and Shirt muttering darkly about the bastard who had suddenly decided to play Hitler at the What Shop.

"You know that video camera?" said Dufus.

"Yes," replied the others.

"I wonder what that was for...."

Some time later, a video was released on to the fan market entitled - 'Where on Earth is Katy Manning?'

"Hey, look," said Dufus, "Do you think we're on there?"

"I shouldn't think so," replied Chalky and Shirt.

"It says it details her appearances around Britain over the last year. Remember the camera at the What Shop."

"How likely is it that we're on it?" asked Shirt, disparagingly.

"I'm on the video!" exclaimed Dufus. "A bloke at the What Shop recognised my name on my cheque!"

"You what?"

"I'm on the video!"

The copy slid into the video player.

"Fast forward this bit," said Chalky.

"There it is!" exclaimed Dufus.

The tape played. The video showed the queue outside What Shop. A quick shot of Dufus and Shirt (Chalky hidden slightly from view).

Inside the What Shop.

DUFUS!

CHALKY!

SHIRT!

Dufus again.

The whole embarrassing 'To Katy Manning love Dufus Knockneed' incident captured for posterity.

Even the 'This Is Your Life' episode is there (although, unfortunately, not a single shot of Chalky looking pissed!).

"We're famous - I'm famous!" said Dufus, joyfully.

"Maybe we should do a signing," suggested Shirt.