Dufus & Shirt…

...Have A (Howard's) Way To Go

NICOLA	DUFUS	GLYN	SHIRT

She was back ! (If you’ll excuse the pun!) Seventh Galaxy were presenting Ms. Nicola Bryant for a signing of the new Peri/Erimem Large Endings’ audio “Nekromanteia”. Also to be there was Nicola’s co-star in said audio, Rohm Dutt and one-time “Howard’s Way” star, Glyn Owen. (“Chunky” Simon Williams was obviously unavailable). Shirt was a definite, but Chalky and Tigger were otherwise involved selling jumble to lots of intimidating people. But would Dufus come down from Birmingham for this signing ?

However, as it turned out, Dufus was already down. Shirt had arranged a jaunt for the gang to celebrate his birthday (four days before) to see a new London production of the classic screwball comedy “Arsenic and Old Lace”, starring Stephen Tompkinson, Thelma Barlow, Marcia Warren and Michael Richards (Kramer from the strangely popular “Seinfeld”), and Dufus had taken up his kind offer of accommodation for a long weekend.

Having finally found his way to Shirt’s home on the Friday (after ‘phoning Shirt on his home telephone to ask “Where are you at the moment ?” ), Dufus proceeded to generally faff about, making the others nearly be late. An evening of screwball fun completed, Dufus and Shirt returned to Shirt’s home at a snail’s pace due to Dufus having several foot blisters.

The next morning, having accessed the Seventh Galaxy website to print off competition entry forms for their quiz, Dufus and Shirt came across some major news, in relation to the “Invasion 3” convention that they would be attending the next weekend. Unfortunately two of the promised guests, Tom Baker and Nicholas Parsons, would be unable to attend. However, in their place were first companion William Russell (“He’ll be in black-and-white!”, grumbled Shirt) and Tony Selby (Sabalom Glitz). With a mixture of disappointment and hopeful apprehension, the two left for the day’s signing.

The journey to Seventh Galaxy was surprisingly quick, due to their not having to wait for Chalky & Tigger at Victoria Station. The queue was of average length as the two entered the shop. Picking up two copies of “Nekromanteia” (one being a late birthday present for Shirt) and the new (6^th Dr and Peri) novel in Dufus’ case, and a copy of “Nekromanteia” for Chalky, an “In Vision: Season 26 Overview” magazine and new novel in Shirt’s. Aware that the shop staff were looking a little harassed (probably due to the changed guests at “Invasion”), Dufus carefully asked the staff,

“Where are our tickets for ‘Invasion’ ?”

“They’re being sent out with the updated information”, Big Ted told them, before baffling Dufus who had asked them to delete the novel from his standing order, by asking, “What’s your standing order number ?”

Dufus looked blank.

“His standing order number ? He can barely remember his name”, quipped Shirt.

There was a polite laugh from the corner of the shop, and Shirt turned to see that Nicola had arrived.

Looking at her, Shirt saw a look that spoke “It’s the ‘how sad am I?’ fan” (see C,D&S…and the Invisible..ish Enemy )

Shirt handed over his items to pay for them, and Big Ted produced copies of “Jubilee” and “Dalek War: Chapter One”.

“Here are the CDs you asked us to put aside”

“But Little Ted sent me them when I ‘phoned up a few weeks ago”

Little Ted suggested that Shirt take them anyway.

Picking up their items, the two joined the queue, standing behind a fan who was determined to show the man in front every single signature that he had got by hovering at stage-doors in his “Doctor Who: A-Z” book. Having completed this, the What Shop bashing began. Shirt thought about joining in, but with perfect timing, Big Ted arrived to cheer Dufus and Shirt up by revealing a number of exciting upcoming signings – Bill Oddie, Michael Praed, Nicholas Parsons (in the shop), and Lisa Bowerman, and adding more names to their promised “Talons of Weng-Chiang” signing – with Trevor Baxter, David Maloney and Judith Lloyd, joining the already advertised Louise Jameson, Christopher Benjamin and John Bennett.

Big Ted left, having given the friends the second free issue of the LE CD Magazine, with deleted scenes from “Jubilee” and a Nicola & Caroline Morris interview. The time went slowly, with Dufus wandering off every few seconds to look at a “Tomorrow People” CD, and to check quiz answers.

Inexplicably despite both guests having arrived at 11.15am, the signing started at 12.30pm. At around 1pm, the friends were waved into the shop by Hamble. Passing the cashdesk, Dufus gave into temptation, and bought a photograph of each guest. However, in a typical Dufus “Bungee” moment, he left his credit card on the desk, having to be called back. As they were approaching the guests’ table, it became clear that preparations were being made for a lunch break, with Shirt mentally noting that Nicola had requested an egg-mayo sandwich.

“Not just as we get there”, thought Dufus and Shirt in unison.

However, in a rare display of luck, Dufus and Shirt were to be the last two before lunch.

Dufus was first to meet Ms. Bryant, who due to her continuing back problem was again standing. Just prior to this, the two friends had been exchanging insults, and had been engaged in light-hearted banter about Dufus having to sleep on the street if he wasn’t careful.

Nicola overhearing this, looked at the two friends, and asked,

“You two aren’t together, are you ?”

The response was quick, indignant and in unison

“NO!!!!!!!!”

Dufus explained that Shirt was very kindly putting him up for the weekend. Nicola enquired what Shirt was getting from the deal, and when told that he wasn’t sure, advised him,

“You should have a contract !”

Having negotiated with the aid of Ms. Bryant, it was agreed that Shirt was welcome to stay at Dufus’ house for any Birmingham-located events.

Dufus moved on to Glyn Owen, and Shirt was once more before his belovéd. Getting the other two Peri/Erimem audio covers signed, and one of Chalky’s (which nearly was signed to a female form of Chalky’s name), Shirt told Nicola how much he enjoys the new companion pairing. Nicola confided her favourite LE story in which she appears is “The Eye of the Scorpion”.

Meanwhile, Dufus was talking to Glyn Owen about his appearances in “Blake’s 7”, and “Howard’s Way”.

Glyn then having learnt that Dufus lived in Birmingham, asked him about Pebble Mill Studios. Out of his depth, Dufus tried to change the subject.

“And you were in ‘The Brothers’”

“Yes, I’ve been in a lot of TV series. I even had a ‘serial’ for my breakfast !!”, quipped Glyn, gaining him much admiration from Shirt, who was now standing in front of him. Shirt offered his and Chalky’s CD covers, which were signed (in the manner of Terrance Dicks – namely over as much of the cover as possible). Shirt then proffered his “Power of Kroll” and “Blake’s 7: The Beginning” sleeves. The latter of these promoted a long discussion between Glyn and Nicola over what a nice man, the director, Pennant Roberts is. Aware that the guests were keen to go for their lunch, the two posed for photos with Glyn Owen, causing Nicola to describe herself as feeling “shunned”.

At the end of the table, signing millions of pre-orders (that’s why the signing was so late) was music maestro, David Darlington. Taking pity on him, Dufus and Shirt got him to sign their CD covers, with Shirt remembering that he had two other LE music CDs in his bag which he had borrowed from Chalky.

David did this with a smile, before confiding excitedly,

“I went into HMV last week, and there it was - a CD (“Music from Excelis Audio Adventures”) with my name on it!”

With a wave of the hand, and, “See you next week” to the shop staff, Dufus and Shirt left the shop.

Arriving at Barking Station, they realised that they had forgotten to hand their competition forms in, but decided to post them due to a train arriving at that point.

Wanting to make the most of Dufus’ time in London, they travelled back to Shirt’s via St. James’ Park Market (which is not open on Saturdays) and Mortlake (where the shop that sold cheap “Survivors” videos is now a WH Smith !), arranging to meet with Chalky and Tigger that evening where Tigger promised a sweet surprise (ie. a birthday cake five days late). What a day it had been, and Shirt had the pleasure of Dufus as a lodger the next week for “Invasion”. Oh, hurrah !!!

[PL]