Shirt…

...Succumbs to the Sandman

COLIN	SHIRT	MAGGIE

To celebrate the pairing of the Sixth Doctor with two previous companions, namely Anneke Wills & Stephanie Colbourn in the new Large Endings’ production “The Sandman”, Seventh Galaxy had arranged for Colin Baker and current audio companion (and sometime magistrate), Maggie Stables to attend for a signing. Chalky and Tigger were otherwise engaged, in activities that I couldn’t possibly describe on a website such as this, where under-18s may be present. Therefore, due to Dufus choosing to remain at his new home in Birmingham due to the slightly high winds, and despite the non-attendance of the fluffy Zog, yet again it was the lone figure of Shirt that traipsed up to Barking. However, he was not to miss Dufus for long, as he received ten replies to his simple texted enquiry as to whether he needed to buy any of the items for Dufus, during the slow journey to Waterloo Station (allegedly due to problems due to the high winds, but more likely due to drivers getting up, sticking their heads out of the window, and deciding it was too cold, before returning to bed and phoning in sick).

Finally arriving at Waterloo, Shirt was annoyed to find that the Jubilee line was closed due to engineering works (now there’s a novelty), and therefore found himself enduring the delights of the very slow District Line, and an announcement that the C2C trains were not running, cut off an identified short-cut. To pass the time, Shirt read Rob Grant (co-creator of “Red Dwarf”)’s novel “Colony”, a highly original concept involving someone finding themselves on a large ship in space, then being frozen for centuries, then being defrosted to find everything’s changed, and that he is humanity’s only hope (no similarities with RD, then).

Eventually the train pulled into Barking Station, and a few minutes later Shirt was walking into the shopping centre, noticing that the scary mural of the people with unfeasibly large faces seemed to have been removed. Entering the shop, and fending off the “Where are the others ?” (in your local branch of Blockbusters in the Nicole Kidman section) queries from shop staff, Shirt looked around the store for items that he hadn’t already got. A brief moment of indecision about whether to buy the Large Endings’ Paul McGann interview DVD, was soon quashed, when Shirt found a copy signed by the lovely India Fisher. Picking up the latest Bernice CD, as well as two copies of “The Sandman” (one for Chalky), Shirt succumbed to temptation and purchased a photo of Ms. Stables to go with the rest of his items. Leaving the shop, having checked with Dufus by phone which new items he wanted added to his increasingly lengthy mail-order order, Shirt passed by Maggie Stables who had just arrived and was happily signing mail-order covers, and joined the queue outside the shop which was surprisingly short (possibly due to the bad weather and transport problems). Behind Shirt was a young man who seemed to have brought his mother with him to the signing, which confused Shirt immensely. The two were engaged in a conversation about the lack of advertising for the next “Battlefield” convention, “the biggest DW convention in the country” (Mr. Oak would have something to say about that), but Shirt couldn’t bring himself to enlighten them about its demise. They then shared an anecdote about Tim Russ (from Star Trek: Voyager) which modesty precludes me from relating.

After 45 minutes of crude convention anecdotes, derivative comedy SF prose, a waving Chalky’s dad (or was it Colin Baker ?), fan-produced “Ratings War” covers, and the shocking realisation that the shopping centre had filled their fountain in, Big Ted appeared to tell the assembled queue that two personal items were allowed, and the queue began moving. Fifteen minutes later, Shirt was passing Poppy, and a few minutes later was standing in front of the Sixth Doctor.

“Can you sign these to Shirt, please?”, asked Shirt proffering the covers for “The Sandman”, “…Ish” & “Earthsearch: Mindwarp”.

“Hello, Shirt, we’ve met several times before”, said Colin in an attempt to warn Maggie, in case Shirt started stalking her.

“Yes, I’m sorry about that”, said Shirt before quickly adding, “I mean I’m sorry for you, having to meet me. I like meeting you”.

Colin signed the covers, then signed Chalky’s “Sandman” cover, before scrutinising Shirt’s “Independence Day UK” cover.

“Whose signature is that ?”, asked Colin, jabbing at the cover.

“Toby Longworth’s…..He was in it as well !!”, said Shirt.

“Ooh, Toby Longworth – what a nice man”, interjected Maggie.

Moving on, Shirt managed to get his two covers signed to the right people, as well as one of the new “Sarah Jane Smith” audios, and the photo. Behind him, the boy from the queue was introducing Colin to his mother, “his biggest fan” (Colin’s that is). A quick photo of Doctors 6 and Smythe, and Shirt left the shop, hearing Colin comment on how much he was looking forward to recording his next Large Endings’ release next week, along Chalky, Dufus and Shirt’s favourite mad woman, Katy Manning, as Iris Wildthyme, as he did so.

A difficult journey home, on a train full of West Ham fans that didn’t leave Barking Station, and a train full of foreign tourists who didn’t understand the phrase “Get your elbow out of my face !”, via Notting Hill and some bargain bookshops at Tottenham Court Road, and Shirt was home just in time to receive a frantic text-message from Dufus, stating that he had managed to fail to reinstall his internet at home correctly, and so would not be able to receive or send e-mail. Shirt smiled, nothing changes !!!

[PL]