Shirt…

…Smith & Jones.

A signing had been announced at MVH in Oxford Street for the Series 3 boxset, namely the Doctor and Companion themselves – David Tennant and Freema Agyeman. Adding to this was the announcement of a signing on the same day at the Punch Middle with Tom Baker, Peter Davison, and new series guest-star Nichola McAuliffe. To Chalky’s annoyance these signings were arranged for a ‘school day’ and so he could not attend, and Dufus was remaining strangely silent. Therefore, it was only Shirt who could attend, using some of his stockpile of Annual Leave, in an attempt to meet three Doctors in one day. The MVH website indicated that although the signing was at 1.30pm, wristbands for entry would be given out from 9am. Expecting the mother of all queues, Shirt strove to get there for 7.45am to ensure he got one of the precious wristbands.

Due to transport problems, Shirt arrived later than planned – 8.15am – and was initially perplexed by the seeming lack of a queue outside the store. However, just as he was going to dash to the MVH opposite Bond Street tube, concerned that this might the right store, a security man appeared and gestured down a small alleyway a few shops up from the store. There, in an alleyway behind Lupine’s favourite bar, the Bill Squat, Shirt found the queue that he was expecting. A female fan who was helping out took his name, wrote a number on his hand – ‘226’ – and told him to join the back of the queue. A minute later two giggling girls joined the queue behind him, evidently ‘bunking off’ Sixth Form College, to meet the ‘dishy’ Mr. Tennant. The Tennantettes began listing to one another the large number of celebrities that they had each met with pop-singer Mika seeming to be their favourite. The queue also seemed to contain a surprising number of children for a ‘school day’. Whilst waiting, Shirt was amused that some fans had been camping out since 6pm the previous day.

Finally, at 8.45am, security came down the queue, explaining how it was all going to work, the queue now being full for the number of wristbands (250 – Shirt only just made it) that were to be handed out. At 9am, the wristbands would be doled out, then everyone was free to do what they liked, but must be back in a new queue at the same place by 12.30pm, having purchased the boxset in the store in the meantime. Security also stated that only the boxset would be signed and that no photos could be taken with the guests. Ten minutes later, the wristbands were handed out, and by 9.10am, Shirt was entering MVH to purchase his boxset, avoiding the large queues at the downstairs cashdesks by using the ones upstairs. Purchased boxset stowed in his bag, Shirt dashed back to Oxford Circus tube, and by 9.30am, had joined a queue outside the Punch Middle. Looking around, Shirt noticed a large number of other people with red wristbands.

A few places in front of Shirt was Bergerac Man, who began engaging the fans behind him in conversation over which ‘Doctor Who’ celebrities they had met, when, and how many times.

‘If only the Tennantettes were here’, thought Shirt.

Shirt got into conversation with the fans in front whom he recognised from Seventh Galaxy signings, and so did not notice how he was being manoeuvred in front of them and directly behind Bergerac Man. Shirt then politely addressed the barrage of questions directed at him, despite being unable to immediately remember exactly how many times he had met Mark Strickson.

At 10am, the queue started moving, Tom and Peter, both having entered the shop fifteen and ten minutes before respectively.

By 10.30am, Bergerac Man was third in the queue outside and so turned his questioning to the staff member on the door. Having imparted his idea of an encyclopaedia of all villains from books, films and TV (getting the staff member to suggest a page count), and his suggestion for the next Holmes and Watson (Frazer Hines and Mark Strickson – don’t even get Shirt started on this), he moved to his usual “who have you met ?” questioning. Unable to take any more the three at the front of the queue were ushered inside, causing a collective sigh of relief.

Ten minutes later, Shirt and the two fans behind him were gestured into the shop. Having found that only DVDs that he already owned and stamp-covers were being promoted, Shirt reluctantly paid for “Logopolis” and “The Sound of Drums” stamp-covers. The small queue inside was moving slowly, partly due to Bergerac Man. Shirt passed David J. Howe and Jeff Cummins, have already met them two days before for a signing of their promoted book – “The Target Book”.

Arriving at the signing table, Shirt found Bergerac Man subjecting Peter and GOD (Tom) to an inquisition.

“Have seen Mark lately ?”, he asked Peter.

“Not recently”, said Peter finally cottoning on that he was being asked about Mr. Strickson.

“What’s he up to now ?”, continued his questioner.

“He’s making nature films”, replied Peter.

“Naturist films ?”, spluttered GOD, causing Nichola McAuliffe to chuckle loudly.

“Nature films !”, repeated Peter, trying to stop GOD getting a cheap laugh.

Nichola then signed Shirt’s stamp-cover and his Series 3 Poster, still smiling. Thanking her, he moved on to Peter, who was sporting a bushy beard (due to his being in “Spamalot”). A few seconds later and a signed “Logopolis” stamp-cover was being pushed along the table to GOD. Peter then signed Shirt’s “Castrovalva” DVD cover, whilst Tom signed a “Robot” DVD cover.

Bergerac Man was still hovering around, barking out questions to the guests, which they patiently answered.

Finally he moved off, and a few seconds later, Shirt left the signing table, sorted his items out, and then exited the shop.

Making a brief detour to Naughty Asteroid and to a fast-food restaurant for sustenance on the way, Shirt arrived back at the alleyway at 11.50am. The queue was long, but Shirt mused that he seemed to a few places further forward than the last time. Several younger fans had left the queue to sit at a small table outside the Bill Squat for a glass of coke. One of them obviously drank a lot of fizzy drinks, her poor teeth reminding Shirt of the Futurekind. Unfortunately so excited was she at the prospect of meeting Mr. Tennant that she had a permanent rictus grin. For the next 45 minutes, people that Shirt recognised from the queue at Punch Middle went past joining the queue behind him. The head security guard then walked down the queue explaining what would happen next. Just before 1pm, the queue would be let into the shop and the signing area, ready for the signing to start at 1.30pm.

This proved to be the case and at about 1pm the store’s back door was opened and the queue slowly made its way into the shop, waving their armbands at Security to gain entry. Once at the signing area, the queue was directed down individual aisles, with Shirt being the fourth person in the aisle on the far right, seemingly the final aisle. Shirt was confused about how they would fit all the people behind him in the queue into this one aisle. The answer (which Shirt only realised later) was by cramming the excess into the backs of the queues in the other aisles.

To Shirt’s right was what initially seemed to be another queue, but what turned out to be grown-up versions of the Tennantettes, ie. twenty-thirtysomethings who were interested in more than David’s acting (who had either arrived too late for wristbands or could not afford the boxset) hanging over the crash barriers in an attempt to see their idol, chattering about how attractive Mr. Tennant is.

At 1.35pm, the announcement that everyone was waiting for – “Ladies and Gentlemen, David Tennant & Freema Agyeman”. The two bounded on stage, with Freema in particular looking surprised at the number of people. There then began frantic attempts by all attendees, those in the queue and hanging over the barriers, to get photos of the two of them. Press photographers were also there, cunningly blocking everyone else’s view by putting their heads in the way.

The older Tennantettes began chanting his name, over and over again – “David ! David !”, despite this being singularly ignored by the man himself.

At 1.40pm, the two sat down at the signing table, and the first people from the queue were let up onto the stage. These people were in the aisle directly next to Shirt’s and for about twenty minutes, he hoped that his aisle might be next. Looking up onto the stage, the ‘only signing the boxset’ and ‘no posing for photos’ rules seemed to have gone. As the smaller queue reached its end, Shirt noticed various people that had been behind him in the main queue at the end of it.

Unsurprisingly, the next queue that was allowed to move was the one on the other side of the first queue to Shirt’s. The Tennantettes were continuing to chant David’s name, and one nearly fainted when a security guard took up a giant cross-stitch of David’s face that she had made to the man himself.

The queue was moving quite slowly, and there were still loads of people to go. Shirt was becoming concerned, having heard a security guard tell the Tennantettes that David would be leaving at 3pm. Glancing at his watch, Shirt noticed that the time was 2.20pm and not even half the people had been seen, and so his heart sank believing that he would miss out. To solve the problem, security were now ensuring that the rules were being rigorously enforced, with one fan being physically removed by four security guards due to trying to engage Freema in conversation. Only children were now being allowed photos with the guests, and there was no stopping to take photos. A “one item” rule was also now being rigorously enforced (but Shirt did not realise until too late that this did not have to be the boxset, ie. he could have got his Series 3 Poster signed instead).

The time had reached 2.32pm, and the penultimate queue had just started to be ushered forward. Shirt’s panic about not getting to meet the guests was rapidly increasing. However, the two fans next to him, who had joined the original queue at half-past-midnight, were even more concerned. The signing was becoming more and more of a production line and Shirt’s confidence began to grow, as he glanced at his watch every thirty seconds. At 2.47pm, security approached the barrier in front of Shirt’s queue, and a few seconds later opened it.

Then finally, at 2.50pm, it was Shirt’s turn. He was gestured forward by a security guard who made the “one item only” request seem like a threat. Showing his boxset booklet to the security guard at the side of the stage, he placed it down in front of Freema, who flicked to the photo of herself from “42”, looked up at him and smiled.

“Who shall I sign it to ?”, she asked.

“Shirt”.

‘Shirt’, she mouthed as she signed the booklet, which was swiftly moved along the table by a security guard.

Hoping that his temperamental digital camera would work, Shirt got a quick shot of Freema, but was unable to frame it properly due to concerns over being manhandled by security.

Moving a few steps to the left and Shirt was before the current Doctor.

“Was it ‘to Shirt’ ?”, asked Mr. Tennant.

Shirt nodded assent.

“Where shall I sign ?”, the Tenth Doctor asked.

“On the front cover”, said Shirt, indicating the photo of the Doctor and Master.

A few seconds later, another swift photo taken, and Shirt was leaving the stage, grasping his precious signed booklet, before he could be escorted from the stage by Security.

Having placed the booklet in the carrier bag with his boxset, Shirt made his way to the exit of the store, suddenly aware that he had not sat down for seven hours, and that his legs were at breaking point.

Hobbling to the Underground Station, Shirt wended his tired way back home, arriving just in time for the latest episodes of “The Sarah Jane Adventures”. It had been a long tiring wait for probably about 30 seconds with the guests, but somehow it had all been worth it.

SPOT SHIRT (Click on image for answer)

[PL]