Chalky, Shirt, Tigger, Lupine, Enigma & Scooby…

…To Me, To You.

Guest Starring: ‘Aunt’ Beru

It being Shirt’s thirtieth birthday, he decided to act like the adult that he now is, by celebrating by having a children’s party, followed by a trip the next day to see those masters of mirth – The Chuckle Brothers perform their latest mirthful offering, “Doctor What and the Return of the Garlics” (now what could that be a spoof of ?).

All the gang were invited, but both Dufus and Scooby had to decline at the last minute due to family emergencies. Therefore, Shirt was expecting Enigma, Chalky, Tigger, Lupine, and a mysterious female friend of Lupine’s. Both Chalky and Shirt had attempted to find out more about this ‘friend’, but Lupine had been tight-lipped about her.

First to arrive was Enigma, who was surprised to the first person to arrive for the first time in her life. However, Chalky and Tigger were next to arrive, with a large bag of presents, much to Shirt’s delight, and vegetarian sausages which Shirt struggled to cook under his grill. Whilst they waited for Lupine to arrive at the local station (having phoned earlier to say that he and the mysterious female were running late), Shirt bored them all with a slideshow on his TV of photos from his thirty years. Eventually the phone rang, and Chalky and Shirt went to pick the final two guests from the station. Due to Shirt’s poor navigating, they made their way in an overly-circuitous route. At the station stood Lupine with a woman with a Scandinavian-look. The two got into the car.

Chalky and Shirt looked round expectantly.

“This is ‘Aunt’ Beru”, said Lupine, cottoning on, “She’s from Finland!”.

Chalky and Shirt both mumbled to themselves.

Returning to Shirt’s and ‘Aunt’ Beru introduced to the others, a quick reshow of the slideshow for the newcomers, with everyone putting their party hats on, and the evening’s festivities began.

First up was a Treasure Hunt, in which in pairs (save Enigma) the others wandered round Shirt’s house, noting down anagrams written on cards, which fell into four categories that Shirt would not reveal.

“I can’t do anagrams”, wailed Chalky, whilst Tigger tried to apply school-teacher logic to the problem.

With no-one making any progress, Shirt revealed the categories – “Classic WHO titles”, “New Series WHO characters”, “Real names of members of the gang”, and “Characters from Victorian Detective Fiction” (otherwise known as “Sherlock Holmes Characters”). Finally everyone had completed, but not before all were adamant that there was a WHO story called “The Milas”.

Next up was “Who am I?”, in which gang members had a sticky label with the name of a famous person attached to their head (prepared by Shirt’s father). After a quick dash into the next room, due to there being a large mirror in the front room, the names proved to be mainly historical (the impact of getting Shirt’s father to think them up). All went well, until ‘Aunt’ Beru was confused by the friends describing Napoleon as a villain (it seeming that he is not regarded as such in Finland). Enigma was struggling with Florence Nightingale, until Tigger gave help that was not such much a clue as telling her the answer – something about her being ‘the lady of the lamp’.

Stomachs rumbling, it was time for food – sausage rolls, sausages on sticks, cheese & pineapple, pizza slices, triangular sandwiches, crisps, chocolate biscuits, and jelly. However, no-one liked the look of the white blancmange rabbit. All partook heavily of the (non-alcoholic) punch. Food and drink completed, it was time for a round of “Pass The Parcel”. To the strains of the theme from “Chucklevision”, they passed the slowly diminishing parcel.

“It never stops with me”, complained Lupine.

In answer fate decreed that it would stop on him twice in succession, including the final layer, which meant that the “Billie Piper Biography” CD was his to keep. Lupine looked suitably underwhelmed at this.

Back in the front room, ‘Aunt’ Beru was introduced to the delights of “Stick The Tail on the Donkey”. With blatant cheating, with most players feeling where other tails were, it was unsurprising that when it came to Shirt’s turn, the others removed the donkey picture from the door whilst he was blindfolded.

Next up was “Poseability”, in which the boys enjoyed themselves greatly bending the girls into various shapes (some whilst blindfolded – kinky !).

Going to the kitchen, Tigger produced a WHO thirtieth anniversary-style cake (see below).

However, hardly had the friends finished gasping at this, when Chalky appeared with another case, this time bought from a shop, in the shape of a Gold Dalek, with a button that issued an “EXTERMINATE!!!” every time that it was pressed.

Both cakes cut, it was time for “Cranium” (In a new law, when four or more of the friends are gathered together, Chalky produces “Cranium”). Miming, sculpting, acting, spelling, and mainly guessing followed, with Enigma being very lucky to have to guess Florence Nightingale again. The game completed, and time getting on, Shirt dished out the party bags. Chalky then spent ten minutes playing with the helicopter discs that his bag contained, watching them hover on the ceiling. All piled into Chalky and Tigger’s car, with Lupine and ‘Aunt’ Beru being dropped off at the bus-stop, and Enigma being dropped home. Shirt waved them off, before making a cursory attempt at tidying up.

The next day, Shirt was at Enigma and Scooby’s at the agreed time. Following a brief stop at cashpoints to get money, the three found themselves running from all directions to catch a bus. Arriving at Kingston, they changed onto a train to Richmond, and slowly made there way towards the delights of the Chuckle Brothers. Arriving at the time, they had been due to meet the others, they strode out to the Theatre. Chalky and Tigger were already there, and few seconds later, Lupine and ‘Aunt’ Beru arrived.

Entering the theatre, Shirt made straight for the stalls bar where Chuckle Brothers merchandise was being sold. Buying a programme and a poster, he rejoined the others. Chalky then did the same.

The seven then made their way up to the Dress Circle, where all noticed that everyone else of their age seemed to be accompanied by kids. Both Chalky and Tigger looked around worriedly, hoping that none of the children from their schools were there.

About ten minutes later, the lights went down, and the magic began.

The programme indicated that Paul & Barry had written the show in less than two weeks, and as it went on, it became clear how – by putting together every pantomime routine that they had ever done, wrapped together with “Doctor Who” trimmings.

A recognisable blue box was at one side of the stage, from which Paul and Barry emerged. Following audience participation, in which everyone got to mimic the Brothers’ northern-style ‘Hello’s, the two launched into their own version of the Abbott and Costello “Who’s On First?” routine, with Barry as Doctor What and Paul as Professor Who, in an attempt to get a job with Mr. No Slacking (played by their brother). [Are you still following this ?]. Following a café scene in which a female character named Petal was introduced, the Mister turned up (played by their other brother), and the inside of the TARDIS was seen for the first time (modelled on the new series interior). An interlude with the Acromaniacs (who were playing ‘Autons’) jumping over a horse with a large Garlic (a Dalek with a garlic bulb for a head) on the end. Another slapstick scene involving a large number of smashed plates, the Mister singularly failing to blow up the TARDIS again and again, and the ‘Autons’ spraying the entire audience with water, and it was the interval.

15 minutes and a couple of tubs of ice cream later, and the curtain arose for Act Two, which began with a trampoline routine in the dark with the ‘Autons’ wearing fluorescent jumpsuits. The Mister was blown up by his bomb a few more times, and a routine involving a bunk-bed took up a large proportion of Act Two. Finally landing, Paul and Barry managed to change the Garlic into the Crazy Frog (in an inexplicable manner), whilst Petal defeated the final ‘Autons’ in even more inexplicable fashion. (It was only a few days later, that they realised that she was probably ‘Rose’).

Bows taken, they joined the throngs of people exiting the theatre. Paul & Barry had stated that they would be signing autographs, and outside a large queue had formed.

Shirt joined the queue, much to the others’ disgust, due to it being very cold, and there being no sign of the queue moving.

Twenty minutes later and the queue hadn’t started moving.

The Chuckle Brothers’ camper-van tour-bus pulled up, nearly running Chalky over.

Finally the queue started moving, and moved surprisingly quickly. Lupine had now joined Shirt in the queue, and together they re-entered the theatre, moving into the stalls bar, where all too soon, Shirt was standing before Paul Chuckle.

He proffered his programme, which Paul signed with a flourish,

“To me…”, he said, then pushing it across the table to Barry, “…to you !”.

This was repeated with Shirt’s poster, and a few seconds later (so quick that Lupine couldn’t get an unblurred photo on his mobile), the two were making their way up a flight of stairs to go down another flight to exit.

Meeting up with the others, Shirt proudly displayed his signatures to the non-plussed others. Food was in order, and so after wandering around Richmond looking for a particular restaurant, they had just decided to go elsewhere when said restaurant appeared seemingly out of nowhere.

An enjoyable meal of pizza later, the seven exited the restaurant. Shirt managed to cadge a lift for him, Enigma and Scooby from Chalky and Tigger whilst Lupine and ‘Aunt’ Beru made their way to the train station. All agreed it had been a very childish weekend !!!

Ps. Tigger’s thirtieth anniversary cake was far superior in taste to the shop-bought Dalek.

[PL]