The ACME Gazette!

Issue #1                                                                       Summer, 1997

The Voice of Truth (or whatever we can make up!) since June 1, 1997.

Local Cartoon Character Declares Moral Bankruptcy

Today in Acme Acres, local brat Montana Max filed for moral bankruptcy. Friends (at least, those who would admit to being same) said they were not at all surprised.

"I saw this coming for a long time," said local hero Buster Bunny. "As far back as our early days at Acme Loo, the girls would be out front skipping rope and chanting, '2,4,6,8, Monty is a reprobate!' Hey, I thought it referred to his politics!"

He then shrugged and added, "Who knew?"

- Filed by Emery Bored, for Something To Do.

Local Resident Missing After Windstorm

Reported by Tony Greyfox, exclusive to the Gazette.

A local resident dog was swept away by a sudden gust of high wind early this afternoon.

Byron Bassett, age unknown, was apparently dozing under an oak tree in his front yard when a freak windstorm whistled through Acme Acres at about noon; through some freak of nature, the breeze caught several loose body parts and the victim apparently became airborne.

"Oh, it was TERRIBLE!" wailed Elmyra Duff, who saw the event through a living room window. "That cutey-wootie puppyface just lifted right off the ground by his big floppy ears! And now I can't hug him or squeeze him or massacree him anymore! WAH!"

Several witnesses reported seeing a dog-shaped UFO drifting across the city late this afternoon, but no positive identification has resulted.

"Eet was, 'ow you say, very scaree," described Fifi LaFume, who saw the airborne animal at about 3 p.m. near Acme Looniversity. "I thought 'e may 'ave crashed in ze woods, but I am not so sure..."

Emergency officials asked other Acme Acres residents with appendages that may be susceptible to collecting wind suddenly to either remain in their homes or tape down the possibly dangerous body parts to prevent any other such disasters.

See related article:Suspected Russian Paratrooper Shot Down In Iowa

Suspected Russian Paratrooper Shot Down In Iowa
Reported by Tony Greyfox, exclusive to the Gazette.

Air Force officials reported they have stopped a secret Russian infiltration of the United States by shooting down a suspected paratrooper that was drifting downward towards an Iowa cornfield.

"Hoo-EEE!! We got that sucker GOOD!" exulted General Horace Bertle after triggering off the Patriot missile barrage that apparently blew the paratrooper clear back to Siberia. "Boy, them Russkies better not try that trick agin!"

Asked if they were certain the target was a Russian paratrooper, Bertle replied, "Well, SURE we wuz sure it was a Russkie! They all have them big ears, ya know!"

Local Farmer Grows The Biggest Melons
Article by Elmyra Duff

Elmer Fudd, gentleman farmer and Professor at Acme Looniversity, took the prize for largest melons at the State Fair. Elmer attributes his prize-winning melons to the sandy ground upon which they are grown and to the high silicon content of the ground.

Asked for comment, Elmer remarked, "They just don't get any bigger than this!"

Education Hearings Leave Faculty "Dizzy"
Article by Duncan McDuff, exclusive to the Gazette.

ACME LOONIVERSITY (APew) - Faculty members at Acme Looniversity concluded hearings today on Dizzy Devil's right to ethnic-sensitive language education.

Professor Taz, Dizzy's mentor, has been teaching "Devilspeak" for years at Acme Loo, albeit with a limited roster of one, with no censure. The controversy began last month when Dizzy insisted on launching a tutoring program to promote his own Tazmanian dialect, the recently dubbed "Me-bonics."

"Me want give all toons chance to speak like Dizzy!" said Dizzy at a press conference at his cave earlier this month. "Me not see what so bad about that!" he added, before spinning into a frenzy and demolishing the reporters' equipment.

In a recent statement Professor Taz spoke out in support of his pupil:"Narawroovf eegkag miraveef Dizzy sphttbbth!"

Others have been less embracing of the Me-bonics Program. "It simply is not proper grammar," noted Bookworm, custodian of the Acme Loo Library. And through a series of complex diagrams Egghead Jr. demonstrated how widespread acceptance of Me-bonics could seriously degrade international communications and bring about the collapse of civilization as we know it.

Local zillionaire Montana Max was heard to join the outcry:"I'd better not find my tax dollars going to some lame language class that I don't even speak! Maybe I'll have to buy Tazmania!"

But a greater majority of Dizzy's classmates seem to support his idea. "Hey, this is Acme Acres!" said Buster Bunny at the education hearings. "You can count the characters that talk completely normal around here on one four-fingered paw!"

Class valedictorian Babs Bunny agreed, spinning into several classic Looney Tunes characters to testify:"[Sylvester] You've never stheen Furrball's sthpeech sthuffer from my yearsth of sthcooling, have you? [Foghorn] Or maybe, ahsay, maybe some cotton-pickin' knowitall has it in his head to oust Professor Porky next! Or Elmer Fudd!"

After hearing all sides Principal Bugs Bunny conferred briefly with his faculty, whereupon he announced the Looniversity's decision. "What we got here, docs, is a failure to communicate. Whoops, wrong story! What we got here is a matter of freedom of expression voisus educational standards. Dere's no doubt we all have our special way of talking, and dat's part of what gets us woik in showbiz. So we've agreed that Dizzy has da right to tutor anyone who's interested in Me-bonics. But...on his own time. When school's in session we teach da King's English!"

"Hey, y'all leave me outta this, yahear?" Elvis was heard to say from the back of the auditorium.

Amid cheers of praise Dizzy spun from the room to meet reporters. "Me so happy!" he exclaimed. "Me hope toons stay after school and learn talk like Dizzy! Then me have everyone over to my place for pizza rolls!"

"Me like pizza rolls!" said Hamton Pig as he enrolled for Dizzy's class. Plucky Duck signed up next, adding, "So do I! Er, uh...ME, too!"

Mystery Negotiator Makes World Leaders Play Nice!

Just not here.

Believe it or not, you're reading The Acme Gazette!


The State of TTA Fanfic
by Kevin Mickel (

For reasons that should be obvious to most readers, I feel that fanfic is a good way to gauge the activity and enthusiasm of fans, and I have to say that over the past year and a half, the activity level of fans has increased dramatically. Before I started my fanfic mailing list there were some 29 TTA fanfics in existance that had been written over the previous few years. In the little over a year since then and as of March of '97, 45 new fanfics have been added, more than doubling the total to 74. About all I can say is, I think that's great. The realm of fanfic has exploded, and I'd like to think that I and my mailing list have had something to do with that.

So, what would I like to see happening in the fanfic realm in the future? Well, I'd really like to see more fanfic-inspired artwork. I think it would be a fantabulous development if the various talented TTA artists out there would, from time to time, say, "Gee, I liked that scene in this story so much that I'm gonna draw a picture based upon it." So far, this has not happened in great numbers. Outside of the Montages that I have commissioned and artwork done by the stories' authors, fanfic art is still rather rare. Hopefully, this will change as time goes by. Along the same lines, I'd like to see someone tackle the task of fully illustrating an entire fanfic, ala what KeV Beeley and Floyd Yancey are doing and have done for BGTUR. There's a lot of great fanfic out there that would look great illustrated, and hopefully sooner or later, one of our many talented artists will take up the challenge.

Finally, for the benefit of anyone who might not know about it, I'll say a few words about my fanfic mailing list. In a nutshell, once a month I send out a package of all new fanfic and fanfic related art, along with a lengthy message that includes information about general TTA happenings that I have learned about, and an interview with a fanfic author. In between these "Monthly Mailings" we talk about the stuff that was in them, and about TTA in general. All fans of Tiny Toons are welcome to join. If you are interested, drop me a line at, and I'll sign you up.

As a companion to the mailing list, I've set up a homepage archive for TTA fanfic and fanfic art. It can be found at, and you will find just about every fanfic ever written archived there. I'm always eager to hear what people think of the place, which in spite of its no-frills design, does garner its fair share of praise.

KEVIN MICKEL, aka "HKUriah", really needs to get away from his computer more often.

The View From The Catbox
by Furrball

The Birth Of A Notion

It started with an idea. Somebody in the Tiny Toons Fanfic Mailing List wondered what happened to all the peripheral characters (you know, Concorde, Sweetie, Barky Marky, Byron Bassett, Mary Melody; the characters from Tiny Toon Adventures that we never see as much as the "lead" characters.) And then one member came up with a newspaper item about Byron Bassett. (The same one you probably read on page one, if you were paying attention). And that's all it took. Yours truly wondered what a whole newspaper of such items, with various stories and such written by the list members, would look like.

If you've gotten this far, obviously you've found out.

I have plenty of plans for the good ol' Acme Gazette. For instance, in September, our big "Get Back To School! NOW!!" issue (in honor of the new school year at Acme Looniversity); more screengrabs; and a few other things I can't divulge because (a) I haven't thought of anything yet, (b) Neither have our writers, or (c) All of the above. But stick with us, folks. We can only get better, and funnier.

After all, I'm willing to bet the first issue of the Wall Street Journal was nothing to look at, either. It certainly wasn't as funny.

See you after the end credits.

"Furrball! 8{)"
Your friendly neighborhood Editor-In-Chief, The Acme Gazette.

You're gawking at The ACME Gazette!. Why?


Announcing the first annual ACME Gazette Screengrab Contest for the weirdest TTA pics ever seen! (Well, of course it's the first annual's our first issue! We don't know yet when the contest will end, or if we'll even award any prizes, or if there'll even be a second issue after this one; but what the hey? We gotta have some fun!) And so, without any further ado, here's this issue's candidate:

Just yer basic rabbit and duck in drag.

From the classic ep "thirteensomething," as submitted by 'Elmyra Duff'. (You know, it's almost frightening how good Buster and Plucky look in drag!)

Buster's Guide To Everyday Computing
by Buster Bunny, with assistance from Justin Streufert - monitron

Guide To Chat Rooms

Hiya, computerists! In this issue's column, we'll deal with that great feature of the Internet, Chat Rooms. First off, you'll want to take this short quiz, to see if you're ready for the World of Online Babbling:

1. Do you have massive amounts of free time?
2. Do you have a history of being obsessed with things?
3. If male, do you enjoy impersonating a female?
4. If female, do you enjoy people thinking you're just a male impersonating a female?
5. Also, if female, do you enjoy being drowned in oceans of drool created by males?
6. Are you creative enough to think of a really cheesy alias for yourself?

If you answered "no" to more than two of those questions, it's time to throw in the proverbial Internet Towel and get on with your regularly scheduled Personal Life (assuming you have one). Good ways to get Net Chat to fit into your life include quitting your job, leaving your spouse and renouncing friendship with everyone you ever knew. Come back in a few years.

If you're still reading, great!! You're now ready for Chat. The most popular chat service on the 'net is the illustrious IRC (Internet Relay Chat). You can get there by typing 'irc' from UNIX, or using a "client" program such as mIRC for Windows. Once you're there, type /LIST and look at the names of all the neat-oh channels you can visit!

Now, don't be scared by some of the names of the channels you will see scrolling by at 45 MPH. Note that you don't have to join #sexchat, #100%teenpics or #disney. And no, the topics of some of the channels don't reflect the views of everyone on IRC. For example, although 'EyE Y/\M A 'lEET JuAREz TraDER an EyE OWN jOO! PhEAr /\/\E! CoME HEER 4 ODay JuAReZ dat WiL RoXoR jER WERLD or EyE will H/\XoR jOO's BoX 2 BiTZ, BeeYYOTCH!' may seem common, most of the proprietors of these channels are either a) Under the age of 12 or b) Psychotic attention-crazed maniacs who are currently under investigation by the FBI.

Next, make sure you know about one important problem on IRC: The Language Barrier. Although most IRCers can speak some form of English, the difference between the dialects spoken in different "regions" of IRC are much sharper than those between real-life regions of, say, North America.

Most netizens speak one of five languages on IRC:

1. The Queen's English - Spoken on "normal" channels.

"Hi. My name is Bob, and I'm, um, here. Hi, everyone!"

2. Elite (aka eleet, ereet, 31337) - Spoken on all Warez (software piracy) channels, as well as by weenies from such channels who invade "normal" channels and attempt to disrupt the peace there.


3. Ebonics - Spoken on #hack, and sometimes on Warez channels.

"DANG --Yall'z gotsta gimme some shiznitterin' eleet shiznits befo I open up a can a' whoopa** on yalls' adzes!"

4. Technobabble - Spoken on programming channels like #c, and in help channels like #unixhelp, for the sole purpose of confusing the heck out of everyone who asks for help.

"What do you MEAN, it's BROKEN? Be more specific! Is your VLB GPF'ing, or is there a UAE problem with the API? How about the BBQ -- make sure WIN.INI has an entry for A1, otherwise the BBQ will fail with an NTE."

5. Spotspeak - Spoken on DALnet #watertower.

"DAMNSOUP! Harf, harf, harf!! Any interesting pongs lately?"

6. Jive - Spoken by...well...not many people, actually.

(No example available.)

So, that's the end of our course on IRC. You now know enough to be considered Clueful, so up and at 'em, user! Until next time, this is Buster of Buster's Guide to Everyday Computing, signing off.

Arts And EnterTOONment!
By Furrball!
Greetings, Toonatics! From time to time in this section, I'll be reviewing (as best I can, anyway) toon-related albums of recent vintage. Let's start with what I, for one, consider to be one of the most fun of the bunch, "TINY TOONS SING!" (Warner Bros. 26899-4, 1992). This is one of those "gotta have" albums...especially if you're a fan of TTA. The original cast are here (sans Frank Welker), and they sound like they're having a good time romping through this collection of eight oldies, an extended version of the theme, and even an original "Tiny Toons Rap" that was, IMHO, much better than anything they tried in, say, the 'Gang Busters' episode. I'll grant you, not every cut is perfect (Maurice LaMarche's cover of Tommy Roe's 'Dizzy,' while appropriate, could just as easily have been left off, or moved elsewhere...but maybe I'm in a lousy mood today...) but, on the other paw, I'll clobber anybody who disagrees with me that the performances by 'The Amazing 3 (Tress "Babs" MacNeille ['Girls Just Want To Have Fun'], Gail "Shirley" Matthius [a hilarious take on 'Daydream'], and especially Kath "Fifi" Soucie [whose rendition of 'Where The Boys Are' puts Connie Francis' to shame! I never even LIKED that song until I heard this version!]' are worth the price of the tape alone. 'Cause they ARE! If your local music outlet doesn't have this one, drop an anvil on that ignorant zit-faced clerk's head and MAKE them order it! And if they can't get it...then do yer business elsewhere! On my 0-to-10-in-45-minutes scale, I give this one 10 cans of cat food! BTW, it has always galled the ol' Furrballster that this album has never been issued in the U.S. in CD format! Who knows? Maybe a vigorous letter-writing campaign to WB Records will change their tune, eh? [And if that fails, then maybe we could write to Kid Rhino/Kids WB and ask them to reissue it in that format...]

And speaking of "Looney" ideas, let's quickly turn our attention to a couple of items of varying musical quality [or lack-of-same...] It's a little out-of-season for this one, but I have to say it, here and now:"HAVE YOURSELF A LOONEY TUNES CHRISTMAS" (Kid Rhino R2/4 71767, 1994)...well, gee, how can I put this...[finally unable to stand it anymore] SUCKS!!! There! I said it, and I'm GLAD!!! I can't think of a single cut to instill this album in my good graces! [Well, okay, Joe Alaskey-as-Daffy's "All I Want For Christmas Is More, More, More"...but that's ALL!] Give this album to somebody you never want to speak to again. It'll do the trick, guaranteed! Rating:1.

On the other hand, 1995's "BUGS & FRIENDS Sing The Beatles" (Kid Rhino R2/4 71768) is a match made in...well, in Burbank! I don't know whose idea this one was (the liner notes don't say), but they should be given the keys to Acme Acres for it! The marriage of two of the greatest cultural icons of our times, the Looney Tunes and the Beatles' tunes, is PERFECT! I don't know where Jeff Bergman was when they decided to do this, but Mendi Segal is just as convincing a Bugs, if not more. Joe Alaskey does double duty as Daffy and Yosemite Sam (Sam and Bugs's version of "Help!" will have you laughing your head off!); and along with Jim Meskimen as Elmer (who, for my money, what there is of it, would have been far better than Billy West in Space Jam, BTW) and Jim Cummings as Taz, they tear their way through 10 of the Fab Four's classics on this 11-track winner. What's the 11th? I don't think I'll tell you. I'll let you find out for yourselves. Rating:10. Next time out:I'll take a swing at the man who made the music of the Looney Tunes swing, the great Raymond Scott, as well as both of The Carl Stalling Projects.

Oh, before I furget (yes, I spelled it right...) my gripe of the year:WHEN are EMI/Capitol and Warner Bros. going to get around to reissuing those Mel Blanc tracks, or at least, lease 'em to Rhino Records? It's a crime that these cuts aren't in print!! Well, see you next time, Toonaholics!

"FURRBALL," aka JERRY D. WITHERS, really should learn to keep his opinions to himself.

If you think the stuff on UPN is bad, wait till you feast your eyes on...


1:13 [2] Bowling For Spam - Game
Debut:Mystery meat is the top prize in this new game show. Gogo Dodo is host.
(Last show of the series.)

1:13 [3] Spamming For Bowls - Game?
Debut:Hackers on the Internet compete to see who can waste the most bandwidth for a matched set of cereal bowls. Gogo Dodo is series host.

2:00 [4] Honey, I Fed The Cat! - Stupid Sitcom
Tonight:Shirley feeds the cat to the pitbull next door. Starring Shirley the Loon, Plucky Duck, and Furrball as tonight's dinner. Janet Reno is the Wacky Welcome Wagon Lady.

2:43 [5] Soul Train- Music
Hey, how did this one get here?

4:10 [6] That's Impossible!
It is? Okay, so why try?

5:00 [7] An Acme Affair - Tabloid Sleaze
Tonight:"Prom Night - Innocent Fun, or Countdown To Heartbreak? You Decide." Mary Melody hosts.

6:12 Nature Calls
Host Buster Bunny does a passable impression of Merlin Gherkins, while his assistant Babs is swallowed whole by a wolverine...again. Sponsored by Mucilage of Omaha, the company that just stands by.

7:11 [9] Labor Pains - Panel Discussion
Host Honey Bunny thinks she's MCing a discussion on pregnancy, and is understandably confused when she's surrounded by sweaty stevedores and dockworkers.

8:15 [10] The Curmudgeon's Corner
Who booked THIS mess?

8:30 [11] In A Pig's Eye - Soap Opera
Tonight:Hamton gets soap in his eye while attending the opera. Binky Pig joins the cast momentarily.

9:00 [12] Bonanaz - Western
Tonight:Huss, Edam and Killer Joe wonder why they're all older than Bum "Pa" Cartwheel. With Benjamin Netenyahu as Hop Sing.

9:30 [13] What, are you kidding?
13 is bad luck!

10:00 [14] The Looneywood Squares - Game
Tonight's panel:Rosebud Tazmanian She-Devil, Tweety & Sylvester, Taz, Elmer Fudd, Porky Pig. Regulars:Mary Melody, Honey Bunny, Yosemite Sam. Nobody calls on Daffy Duck for the 300th consecutive show. Bugs Bunny hosts.

12:00 [15] Where Do You Get Off?
Interesting (?) interviews with cabbies and bus drivers. Gogo Dodo hosts. (Cancelled after first commercial.)

The POETRY Corner

A Song Parody by "Furrball".

1. Old and grey and most unhappy
The squirrel from Burbank, name of 'Slappy'
Would like to blow the whole world
To smithereens.

2. She's got a temper that's corrosive
(And) an arsenal of high explosives
And if you cross her, you'll be blown
To Kingdom Come.

If only 'Studio Legal' (Wonder who that could be?)
Could feel her wrath for a moment (Possibly NBC?)
They'd soar much higher than eagles
Once she gets thru with them, then oh my--
You'll believe that a lawyer can fly!

3. Old and grey and most unhappy
The squirrel from Burbank, name of 'Slappy'
Cross her once, and I guarantee
You'll go ka-boom!
Yes, you'll go ka-boom!
(As in 'Katie Ka-Boom')
Yes, you'll go ka-boom!!!

Based on 'The Girl from Ipanema' by Antonio Carlos Jobim.
Parody lyrics by Jerry D. Withers 8/22/96.

NOTE: GENUINE ads are in Italics.
Have you seen my poor lost puppy?
His name is Byron and he's brown and gooey
and fluffy all over and I love him very much.
If you see him call this number:
Slightly used Acme Brand devices, some
still in box. Jet-powered Pogo Stick, Bunny
Extractor, Solar-powered Helicopter, etc.
E-mail for complete list and prices.
We need your articles for the NEXT issue! (Scheduled date: September, 2000)
Submit your spurious news items, poetry, TV listings, ad copy,
etc. in the Blather Box below:
Name/E-mail (required):
General Blather:

Where should I file this?
How did you find this rag? (Choose one):
Do you like Tiny Toons? Yup Nope

The ACME Gazette!

is published whenever we can get around to it by The Fuzzbucket Press, Ink.
and is edited by Jerry D. Withers, who is solely responsible for its content.

Special thanks to all the talented writers who contributed to this first issue:Elmyra Duff, Lee Toop, Kevin Mickel, Mike Sherry, Lee Michael Withers (for the 'ACME TV' segment), and all the others whose names there may not be room for at the moment. TINY TOON ADVENTURES, characters, and all related indicia are (C) Warner Bros. Animation, Inc. and Amblin Entertainment, Inc. LOONEY TUNES, characters and related indicia are also (C) Warner Bros. Animation, Inc. and are used without permission, but with a whoooooole lotta respect (and just a bit of irreverence!). (C)(P)1997 The Fuzzbucket Press, Ink. All rights reserved. All right, end of disclaimer. Whaddaya still hangin' around here for? The paper's over. GO HOME!