Rednecks

*Warning - if you are a redneck STOP READING NOW, or be prepared to read things about yourself that (although stunningly true) will make you want to kill me*

Ok, I'm sure everone can tell this page is going to be devoted to completely insulting redneck hertiage, beliefs, and their way of life. As I'm sure you can tell, I don't like rednecks and stand for the opposite of everything they believe in, so here goes.

Rednecks are a sickening disturbing plague. Although a redneck may seem like a normal, rational person at first, they are anything but this. Rednecks are tobacco chewing, confederate flag wearing, cousin fucking, country music listening, oppressive bastards that deserve to be violently murdered. Living in the South (a fate worse than death), I have been exposed to rednecks on a regular basis; and one thing always tends to be true about ALL of them. They are blatantly ignorant. These morons seem to think the Civil War is still going on. I am so tired of hearing shit about the South rising again. THE SOUTH FUCKING LOST, GET THE HELL OVER IT, YOU STUPID INBRED BASTARDS. Which brings me to another thing I hate about rednecks, why the hell do they think they are BETTER than other people? Racism is a staple of redneck life and they think if you are different from them you are some how inferior. Ya know, if you're different than the ignorant rednecks you are obviously superior. Rednecks are a festering wound on the ass of humanity

How do these people become successful members of society? I mean, damn, the majority of them read on a second grade level and can't carry on a conversation with anyone who's not fluent in the language of Inbred. These people get in big trucks and spin around in the mud for fun, what the hell is that? Can they not find anything else to do, like read? Or maybe commit suicide? Goddamn, I try not to generalize people but rednecks are a special breed of degenerates. What other group of people can claim that the women have as much body hair as the men? (the French don't count). And another thing I've noticed is rednecks have never learned how to bathe. Being very conscious of hygiene, I tend to notice the subtle hints of their filth (like the rancid odor that follows them and the insects that flock to their body). Now I'm sure that you lucky people who have never seen a redneck are wondering are they really that bad. The answer is, yes, probably worse. These are the people that you see on Jerry Springer who are having sex with their sisters and don't see a problem with it; these are the people that buy decoys and go hunt ducks (like you really need a fucking decoy to outsmart a damn duck, goddamn morons). These are the people that are prevalent in the South, but even the bigger towns (I refuse to call anything South of St. Louis (outside of New Orleans) a city, have come up with creative ways to keep people from the smaller more redneck towns from getting in. Take for instance Memphis (a medium-sized hick town), when you cross the I-40 bridge to get into Arkansas there are all kinda pretty street lights for about a mile, then the farther you go the less lights you see and when you've finally gotten 5 miles out of Memphis there isn't a light in sight, or an exit where you can turn around. So you can't ever follow the lights back, its like they'll let you out, but once you've been tainted by Arkansas, don't bring your ass back. And the schools in these godforsaken hellholes are even more difficult to find (the put them at the end of one lane streets with no lights, no houses, and an ATM machine with no bank); shit, I'm sure they wouldn't want anyone to ACCIDENTALLY STUMBLE ON A FUCKING EDUCATION.

I would love to see someone justify the redneck style of life. Is there anyone who finds redneck life normal? Would you want rednecks around your children? I would say that deranged serial killers are all that infest these small redneck cities, but we all know even deranged killers have standards on where they live. Driving through Mississippi or Arkansas is almost like looking at the roads in the Texas Chainsaw Massacre, only difference is that the third-world-county-like towns can't afford Leatherface, they have to have PolyesterFace or just Larry, Darryl and Darryl hiding in the corn fields ready to anal-rape you and feed your corpse to their pigs. Another concept I seem to have problems following is that the PEOPLE in redneck towns have fleas, now I always thought ANIMALS were supposed to have fleas (and that wasn't intended to call rednecks animals, although maybe it should have been).

Rednecks have also ruined so many things that used to be cool. Yosemite Sam, South Park (those characters really exist in every small hick town), being drunk, smoking marijuana (I never thought anyone could ruin that, but I'll be damned if rednecks didn't) and anything dealing with football. I swear they are a drain on society, and all rednecks have violent tendencies (I'm sure there are some rednecks who are reading this right now and sharpening their pocket knives and grinding their tooth (yes I said TOOTH not TEETH, rednecks only have one) trying to figure out where I live so they can slit my throat (wait, reading this would involve reading at over a 4th grade level, guess I'm safe).

Here's a few animations that show a normal redneck's progression

BABY REDNECK:

REDNECK'S FAVORITE AUTHOR:

ADULT REDNECK:

ELDERLY REDNECK:

AND FINALLY HIGH CLASS REDNECK ENTERTAINMENT:

BY THE WAY, all people in the South are NOT rednecks, rednecks are a special group of people, defined by their characteristics. All people with Southern accents who happen to live in the South are NOT rednecks (although the vast majority are). And those who are NOT rednecks DO NOT fit into the mold of the previously described people, I tend to think of rednecks as bad hillbillies and hilbillies as good rednecks.

Email? Jwinters1250@yahoo.com

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