TITLE: "Meant to
Be?"
AUTHOR: Jen
EMAIL: JenR13@aol.com
RATING: PG-13
SPOILERS: Never Again, Emily, The End, The Ghosts That
Stole Christmas. This story takes place in the 6th season, after
The Ghosts That Stole Christmas but before any other episode of
the season. Sort of an alternate universe.
CLASSIFICATION: SRA
KEYWORDS: Mulder/Scully romance, babyfic, Alternate
Universe.
ARCHIVE: Go ahead and do it with my blessing.
SUMMARY: A night in a motel on a case leads to an
unexpected surprise. Written in
Scully first-person POV.
DISCLAIMER: Mine? As if.
AUTHORS NOTES: Ok, ok, you can yell at me here. I
wrote a true "babyfic", but Im a
sap at heart and this probably shows my true sappiness. J I got
this idea one night and it wouldnt go away. So I opened my
word processor and let it free. ::crossing fingers::
heres hoping.
"Meant to Be?"
It happened. Yes, it happened. What might you ask is it?
Thats the question Ive
been asking myself for the last two hours. The question Ive
been asking myself over and over again as I pace the worn, light
blue carpet of yet another motel room.
Yes, a motel room. Of all places why did it happen in a motel
room? Ive never
pictured "this" happening in a motel room. But exactly
how did I picture it? Differently?
I did "it" with Mulder. There I said it. Not that it
was so hard to say, it was just
hard to believe. Not that I didnt want it, I wanted it more
than anything. Maybe I was a
little out of practice, the closest Ive gotten to getting
laid was Ed Jerse. Getting laid? Is that what I just said? What I
had this time was not "getting laid." At least
thats not how I would describe it. It was sex. Well,
technically it was sex, but it was
more.
Six years we have been partners. Fox Mulder has gone through many
women, at
least Ive heard. Yet he was a gentlemen with me. Never
touched me. At first in the
back of my mind I thought something was wrong with me. Of course
I never got close
enough for him to "touch" at first. Distant,
thats me. Dana Katherine Scully, distant
extrodinaire.
He came into my room tonight. It was obvious neither one of us
expected what
would come. Were on a case. Stupid background check
assigned by Kersh. This check brought us to a small town in Ohio,
checking up a tanker trunk driver. Nothing unusual was happening.
It was a routine check really. Our first case after the night we
had in the "house" on Christmas Eve. Though that night
should have brought us closer, it did though not the way most
people would expect it to do. I couldnt sleep and ended up
dragging my butt to Mulders door at an ungodly hour, his
present tucked behind my
back. And we did talk. But not really that much. I never did
believe what happened that night and it still baffles me. Yes
something baffles Dana Scully. It happens.
We were done with the check, and all ready to leave first thing
in the morning.
The flight was set for 9:32 a.m. On more night in the cheap motel
and we would be out of here. Go back to playing solitaire on the
computer waiting for as Mulder would put it, "a real
assignment" to come along. Then something happened.
It was simple really. We had gone back to the motel and I decided
to talk a walk.
Our case might have taken us to a small little town, but it was a
small quaint little town
and the sky was clear, and the weather was not that cold, for
January. So I grabbed my
coat and walked out.
A small town and a quiet walk. Lots of time to think. But I was
tired of thinking,
it was tiring. I walked past a small park filled with children.
Children. I should have walked right past it, I should have.
Christmas had just
passed and thoughts of Emily were still in my head. I should have
just walked by, but I
didnt. I stopped and watched the children laughing and
playing and I didnt feel sad, I
just felt empty. Barren. Lost.
As if enchanted I watched them. Watching as they pushed each
other on the
swings and slid down the long slide. Watched as they tied their
shoelaces, watched as
they called for their parents.
And I was fine. I really was. No tears, just enchantment. Until I
saw her.
A little girl about four years old, right by me. She had gotten
her coat caught on
the fence. I reached over to help her and she looked at me. Her
blond hair fell just short of her shoulder, her thick bangs
covered her forehead. Her eyes seemed to look through the very
face of my soul.
I freed her coat from the fence yet her eyes were still on me in
an eerie yet
comforting fashion.
"Emily!" I heard a woman call. Her mother. I looked
back at the girl. Her name
was Emily. I felt tear threaten to make themselves known. In that
split second it all comes back, Emily, last Christmas,
everything. I quickly walk away from the crowd, not wanting them
to see the tears in my face.
I practically ran back to the motel, not knowing why I feel like
this. Why cant I
get past this? Shes dead.
I reached the motel, and made a dash for my room. I was going to
lose it. This
isnt supposed to happen. What happened to my control? What
happened to hiding my feelings?
I had almost reached the door when Mulder decided to walk out of
his room at
that same moment. He saw my face.
Mulder can be an idiot sometimes. He can run off and leave me. He
can have no
thoughts for my feelings, sometimes. Yet he can also be
incredibly sweet. And caring.
And tonight was one of those moments.
Im not sure what happened next. Maybe it was because I was
vulnerable, maybe it
was something else. I felt like it was one of those romance
novels. I told him about the
park and tried not to let him see me cry. I dont why I
didnt want Mulder to see me cry,
but I just didnt. But the tears couldnt hide
themselves, they came out like a river.
Then everything happened so fast. Before I knew it, Mulder was in
my room and
we did "it." And neither of us said anything. We just
looked at each other.
"Scully," Mulder had started, and I suddenly felt cold
under the blankets. Not the
kind of physical cold, but an empty cold. I had sex with Mulder.
My partner. I looked at him, not knowing what to say and unsure
what he would say. What could we say? We had just done something
that neither of us knew what to say about.
It wasnt that I didnt want it. I just didnt
want it the way it happened I guess.
The truth was I probably wanted it more than I knew. But both of
us didnt know what to
say.
I didnt respond. Mulder obviously took it for a bad sign.
"Im sorry," he
muttered, "this was a mistake." He dashed out of the
room to his own. I wanted to stop him to tell it wasnt a
mistake, but I didnt. Maybe it was because I wasnt
sure if it
_wasnt_ a mistake.
That was two hours ago.
Now Im in my motel room, alone. Mulder and I have not
spoken to each other in
that time. Ive taken up pacing, its a good form of
exercise. Better than that Ab Roller.
My suitcase was packed and yet it was still only 7 p.m. at night.
Any look toward the bed reminded me of Mulder. Of "it."
Would this change us? Of course it would, I told myself. The last
thing I needed
now was to ask myself stupid questions. Mulder is, well maybe
was, my best friend. I
cared for him deeply, he was, hell still is, my
life.
Life. A simple word. He runs off
and does crazy things. He has people after him and trouble
follows him everywhere. Yet he is my life. How boring and mundane
my life would be if I didnt have him. Sure I
could leave the FBI, and go for that "family way of
life" but then I wouldnt have him, my
Mulder.
Did I just say my Mulder? I sat down on the bed, for the first
time not feeling
uncomfortable as I did, and thought that over. The pangs of
jealousy I felt when Diana
came along, how I felt she was taking _my Mulder_.
Is he really _my Mulder_? I shift positions on the bed, and
listen to the silence that
surrounds me. All of a sudden it seems to hit me. I had sex with
Mulder.
Yes, I said that already, I know, but this time it really seemed
to hit home. My
partner, my best friend, and one action had changed it all for
us.
I love Mulder, I do. I know, Ive known that. And he loves
me back. Its an
unspoken line of communication between us. But our love was one
that never had to be
expressed in words, it was just there. It had been there for
awhile. But we never admitted it, we never made a move. We were
partners, friends. We had each other and for now that was all we
needed. But after tonight, who knows.
I eventually fell asleep that night, though Im not sure
when or how. I fell asleep
listening to the sounds of Mulder pacing in the next room. And I
was lost. I had no idea what to do or say.
My dreams were vivid that night, in bright brilliant color. They
seemed almost
surreal. It was if my brain had decided to go on rewind; my
dreams that night were all of
moments past, cases and situations that Mulder and I could have
found romance, but
never did. Quiet moments where unspoken words were all that
passed between us.
Where feelings mattered and words just got in the way.
I woke with a start that morning, staring at the digital clock
beside my bed. 6:48.
I stared at the clock for awhile watching the numbers change from
6:48 to 6:49 to 6:50.
At 6:51 I heard Mulder wake, thanks to the paper thin walls of
this cheap motel.
As soon as I heard him, the urge to get away from the wall
suddenly came. I
quickly dragged myself out of bed and into the bathroom, turning
on the shower so the
water would drown out the sounds of the room next door.
For the next hour I stayed in the bathroom, telling myself I was
just getting ready,
but knowing that I really was avoiding going into my room to hear
Mulder or going
outside and having to face him.
But as I ran a brush through my newly dried hair, I knew I would
have to face him.
We would have to talk about this. Or would we? In the back of my
mind I had a strange
idea that maybe we could forget this and go back to the way we
were. I kept convincing
myself it could happen. It made me feel better to tell my heart a
lie, but my mind knew.
The sensible part of my mind knew.
It argued with me. Telling me things could never go back to the
way they were.
Then my heart seemed to join in. Do you want it to go back to the
way it was? You can build on this.
Build on this? Was I fooling myself? I let Mulder leave my room
last night
thinking what we did was a mistake. I myself wasnt sure if
that thought wasnt exactly
false. And my heart tells me to build on this. Youve been
watching too many romance
movies, Dana.
I finally step out of the bathroom and glance at the clock. 7:56.
We have to get
the airport if we want to make our flight. Then another sense of
dread hits me. The drive to airport. The drive that was going to
be twenty minutes at least.
Could two people who just slept with each other say nothing to
each other on a
car ride that would last twenty minutes at least?
Well, you will soon find out. I put the remaining things in my
suitcase and just as I
was closing it, I heard a knock at the door.
"Scully?" comes a tentative voice. Mulder. "We
have to get going." His voice is
uncertain and somewhat distant.
I pick up my suitcase and grab my coat. I open the door to find
Mulder outside of
it, his own bag in his hand, the other hand clutching car keys.
Our eyes meet yet we say nothing. Nothing. Finally Mulder turns
his eyes away from mine and begins to walk toward the car. I
follow trying to concentrate on nothing else but the sound of our
footsteps on the gravel. Sounds echo around me, the birds, the
wind. My eyes continue to watch our feet as they walk.
It seems like a lifetime, though I know its only about 15
seconds, but we finally
reach the car. Oh God, if I think 15 seconds is a lifetime, how
will I deal with the hours to come?
We got into the car without a word. Mulder had thrown our bags
into the trunk
and started the car. We were on our way. And thats how it
stayed. For the next twenty minutes complete quiet. It was so
quiet that when my purse fell off the seat it seemed to deafen us
both. Our eyes caught at that moment, but we turned away. Went
back to our code of silence.
The silence continued when we reached the airport. The only words
we spoke
were the necessary ones, like "you sure you have the
tickets?" and "dont forget to check your
bag."
It seemed as if fate didnt want us to talk either. The
flight we had was packed.
We didnt sit together; in fact we were two rows away from
each other. It was probably
best, for now at least. I didnt know what to say to him,
and I was sure he didnt know
what to say to me.
I looked out my window staring at the blue sky. I frowned at its
false appearance.
Not everythings sunshine. As the plane began to move I
gripped my seat and turned to
my right. Usually Mulder was there to grip my hand and distract
me. This time he was
two rows back physically. Emotionally he was a lot farther away.
And as I gripped my
armrest tighter I realized I might have lost the best friend I
had in the whole world. And
that scared me most of all.
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