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This section's a short one but there's no other way to decently segue between sections.
On to the "show"
Detour (6): Insights From a Yuppie Indian Guide
Abbreviations to date:
Sloan (the real moron): RM
Marty (the tree-hugger): TH
Papa Asekoff: PA
Louis Asekoff (PA's annoying
git of a son): AG
Agent Kinsey (aka Agent Brown-Noser): AgtBN
Agent Stonecypher (aka Agent Suck-Up): AgtSU
Agent Mulder: M
Agent Scully: S
Nameless Officer: NO
Mama Asekoff: MA
Officer Fazekas (aka Nature Chick): NC
Number of Incredulous references to location: 10
Number of times Mulder calls Scully by her last name:
2
Number of times Scully calls Mulder by his last name: 4
Asekoff house
It is now daytime as evidenced by the light shining in the window. S enters AG's bedroom and takes Invisible Man tape out of the VCR. It says it's 7:03 am. <How friggin' early do these two get up anyway?> She goes downstairs where M and police are interviewing AG and MA. M sees S.
M: [to others] Be right back.
S: How's the boy?
M: He's still freaked out.
S: I think I might have some insight into this invisible creature he said was chasing him. [She shows M the video tape.]
M: The Invisible Man, he was invisible. <Hence the name.>
S: Right.
M: Yeah, he said he was chased by a creature with glowing red eyes. <And that sounds more credible than being chased by an invisible man? How?> [S rolls her eyes] Let me show you something. <Does S have a choice?> [He takes her to door.] <I didn't think so. Seriously if S were ever to say "No Mulder you may not show me anything take your stuff and keep it to yourself" do you really think he'd just back off? Puh-Shaw!> Mrs. Asekoff said she went outside with the dog?
S: Mm hmm.
M: But when she came back, the door was locked from the inside.
S: And?
M: Look at this. We got some tracks here.
S: Where?
M: Here, and here…. dried mud against the tile, tracked in from the outside.
S: That could have been brought in by the dog.
M: No, no. You see, uh, the ball of the foot here? A large foot and I count five toes.
S: Wait a minute. I thought you said it wasn't human. <Yeah explain that Mr. Indian Guide!>
M: Well, I'm not saying it is. <Then what is it? [takes picture blinding S with the flash] Oh wait that's not my line and it's the wrong episode. Never mind.> The weight distribution is all wrong. People walk heel to toe. Whatever this thing is it walks on the ball of its foot.
S: [pause] You're putting me on. <You wish!>
M: No. My dad and I were Indian Guides. I know these things. <And just what did you track up in East Bumblebleep anyway M? Your friends? Your dog? And being in some quasi-boy scout type organization makes you a qualified tracker How?>
S: So, if it's not man and it's not animal, what the hell is it? <Come on Mr. Indian Guide what the hell is it?>
M shakes his head. <Nice explanation Punk!>
NC: [entering] Guess I'm a little late to this dance. <Actually you're early. The dancing doesn't come up for a few more episodes.>
M: I found some tracks - right here.
NC: Same as I saw before.
S: Where was that?
NC: In the woods. Weight distribution's strange. They appear to be human, but whoever left these uses the balls of his feet more like an animal.
[M nods at S. S glares back.] <See even S doesn't like a smug Punk.>
M: Well, whatever it is, it's attacked three grown men, presumably in broad daylight disposing of its prey without detection. And it wasn't shy last night about coming out of the woods to try again. What we've got here is a predator with low visibility and a high degree of motivation. And it's got one advantage we don't have -the entire Apilachacola National Forest. <More like the forests outside Vancouver>
NC: Then how do you stop it? <Ah yes please enlighten us fearless Punk.>
M: By identifying it. Finding it before it finds somebody else. <And you're going to accomplish this feat? How?>
First Mulder's finding a quarter in the deep end of the "Y" pool makes him scuba ready now his Indian Guide experience passes for training for tracking. What's next? Will his having had a chemistry as a teenager make him qualified to do the lab tests on samples. Or maybe his use of a word processor makes him a hacker. With qualifications like these it's no wonder he can't stay out of trouble. Maybe he should just step aside an let the nature chick do her work. Sheesh!
Too bad he won't do that.
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