Ferengi Rules of Acquisition
The rules printed this way were modified by the Great Nagus Zek while being influenced by the Prophets
1) |
Once you have their money, never give it back. |
1) |
If they want their money back, give it to them. |
2) |
You can't cheat an honest customer, but it never hurts to try. |
2) |
His money is only yours when he can't get it back. |
3) |
Never pay more for an acquisition than you have to. |
3) |
I found it; it's mine. |
4) |
Sex and profit are the two things that never last long enough. |
4) |
A woman wearing clothes is like a man in the kitchen. |
5) |
If you can't break a contract, bend it. |
6) |
Never let family stand in the way of opportunity. |
7) |
Always keep your ears open. |
8) |
Keep count of your change. |
8) |
Only a fool passes up a business opportunity. |
8) |
Small print leads to large risk. |
9) |
Opportunity plus instinct equals profit. |
10) |
A dead customer can't buy as much as a live one. |
10) |
Greed is eternal. |
10) |
Greed is dead. |
11) |
Latinum isn't the only thing that shines. |
11) |
Do business with a "small lobe" and you're bound to get a big loss. |
12) |
Anything worth selling is worth selling twice. |
13) |
Anything worth doing is worth doing for money. |
14) |
Anything stolen is pure profit. |
15) |
Acting stupid is often smart. |
16) |
A Deal is a deal (until a better once comes along). |
17) |
A bargain usually isn't. |
17) |
A contract is a contract is a contract...but only between Ferengi. |
18) |
Beware of relatives bearing gifts. |
18) |
A Ferengi without profit is no Ferengi at all. |
19) |
Don't lie too soon after a promotion. |
19) |
Satisfaction is not guaranteed. |
20) |
Only give money to people you know you can steal from. |
20) |
When the customer is sweating, turn up the heat. |
21) |
Never place friendship above profit. |
21) |
Never place profit before friendship. |
22) |
Wise men can hear profit in the wind. |
22) |
Latinum tarnishes, but family is forever. |
23) |
Money can never replace dignity. |
23) |
Never take the last coin, but be sure to get all the rest. |
24) |
Latinum can't buy happiness, but you can sure have a blast renting it. |
25) |
There's always a way out. |
25) |
Fear makes a good business partner. |
26) |
The vast majority of the rich in this galaxy did not inherit their wealth; they stole it. |
26) |
As the customers go, so goes the wise profiteer. |
27) |
There's nothing more dangerous than an honest businessman. |
27) |
The most beautiful thing about a tree is what you do with it after you cut it down. |
28) |
Morality is always defined by those in power. |
29) |
It's not the money, |
29) |
What's in it for me. |
30) |
Talk is cheap; synthehol costs money. |
31) |
Never make fun of a mother Ferengi's (...insult something he cares about, instead). |
32) |
Be careful what you sell. It may do exactly what the customer expects. |
33) |
It never hurts to suck up to the boss. |
34) |
Compassion is no substitute for profit. |
34) |
War is good for business. |
35) |
Peace is good for business. |
35) |
You could afford your ship without your government--if it weren't for your government. |
36) |
Too many Ferengi can't laugh at themselves anymore. |
37) |
You can always buy back a lost reputation. |
37) |
If it's free, take it and worry about hidden costs later. |
38) |
Free advertising is cheap. |
39) |
Praise is cheap. Heap it generously on all customers. |
39) |
Friendship is temporary; profit is forever. |
40) |
She can touch your lobes, but never your Latinum. |
40) |
If you see profit on a journey, take it. |
41) |
Money talks, but having lots of it gets more attention. |
41) |
Profit is its own reward. |
42) |
What's mine is mine, and what's yours is mine too. |
42) |
Only negotiate when you are certain to profit. |
43) |
Caressing an ear is often more forceful than pointing a weapon. |
44) |
Never argue with a loaded phaser. |
44) |
Never confuse wisdom with luck. |
45) |
Ambition knows no family. |
45) |
Profit has limits. Loss has none. |
46) |
Labor camps are full of people who trusted the wrong person. |
46) |
Make your shop easy to find. |
47) |
Never trust a man wearing a better suit than your own. |
48) |
The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife. |
49) |
Old age and gree will always overcome youth and talent. |
49) |
Everything is worth something to somebody. |
50) |
Gratitude can bring on generosity. |
50) |
If a deal is fairly and lawfully made, then seeking revenge especially unprofitable revenge, is illegal. |
50) |
Never bluff a Klingon. |
51) |
Never admit a mistake if they're someone else to blame. |
51) |
Reward anyone who adds to your profits so they will continue to do so. |
52) |
Never ask when you can take. |
53) |
Sell first; ask questions later. |
54) |
Never buy anything you can't sell. |
55) |
Always sell at the highest possible profit. |
56) |
Pursue profit; women come later. |
57) |
Good customers are a rare as latinum--treasure them. |
58) |
Friendship is seldom cheap. |
58) |
There is no substitute for success. |
59) |
Free advice is seldom cheap. |
60) |
Never use credit where your words will do. |
60) |
Let's you and him fight. |
60) |
Keep your lies consistent. |
61) |
Never buy what can be stolen. |
62) |
The riskier the road, the higher the profit. |
63) |
Power without profit is like a ship without an engine. |
64) |
Don't talk shop; talk shopping. |
65) |
Don't talk ship; talk shipping. |
65) |
Win or lose, there's always Huyperian beetle snuff. |
65) |
Huyperian beetle snuff may be fun for you and me, but it's no fun for the beetles. |
66) |
Anyone serving in a fleet who is crazy can be relieved, if they ask for it. |
67) |
Anyone asking to be relieved is not crazy and must be forced to serve. |
68) |
Ear stroking will get you anything. |
69) |
Ferengi are not responsible for the stupidity of other races. |
70) |
Get the money first, then let the buyers worry about collecting the merchandise. |
71) |
There's a customer born every minute. |
72) |
Never trust your customers. |
73) |
If it gets you profit, sell your ow n mother. |
75) |
Home is where the heart is, but the stars are made of Latinum |
76) |
Every once in a while, declare peace. It confuses the hell out of your enemies. |
77) |
It's better to swallow your pride than to lose your profit. |
79) |
Beware of the Vulcan greed for knowledge. |
82) |
The flimsier the product, the higher the price. |
84) |
A friend is not a friend if he asks for a discount. |
85) |
Never let the competition know what you're thinking. |
87) |
A friend in need means three times the profit. |
87) |
Learn the customer's weaknesses so you can better take advantage of him. |
89) |
Ask not what your profits can do for you; ask what you can do for your profits. |
92) |
There are many paths to profit. |
94) |
Females and finances don't mix. |
95) |
Expand or die. |
96) |
For every Rule, there is an equal and opposite Rule (except when there's not). |
97) |
Enough... is never enough. |
98) |
Act without delay! The sharp knife cuts quickly. |
98) |
Every mn has his price. |
99) |
Trust is the biggest liability of all. |
100) |
If they take your first offer, you either asked too little or offered too mutch. |
101) |
The only value of a collectible is what you can get somebody else to pay for it. |
101) |
Never do something you can make someone do for you. |
102) |
Nature decays, but latinum lasts forever. |
103) |
Sleep can interfere [cut] with opportunity. |
103) |
Fill a desparate need with your most expensive product, then mark it up 500%. |
104) |
Money is never made. It is merely won or lost. |
104) |
Faith moves mountains... of inventory. |
105) |
Don't trust anyone who trusts you. |
106) |
There is no honor in poverty. |
109) |
Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack. |
111) |
Never sleep with the boss' wife unless you pay him first. |
111) |
Treat people in your debt like family--exploit them. |
112) |
Never sleep with the boss' sister. |
113) |
Always have sex with the boss. |
116) |
There's always a catch. |
117) |
You can't free a fish from water. |
119) |
Never judge a customer by the size of his wallet (...sometimes, good things come in small packages). |
119) |
Buy, sell, or get out of the way. |
121) |
Everything is for sale, including friendship. |
123) |
Even a blind man can recognize the glow of Latinum. |
123) |
A friend is only a friend until you sell him something. Then he is customer. |
125) |
Count it. |
135) |
Never trust a beneficiary. |
138) |
Law makes everyone equal, but justice goes to the highest bidder. |
139) |
Wives serve; brothers inherit. |
141) |
Only fools pay retail. |
144) |
There's nothing wrong with charity... as long as it winds up in your pocket. |
148) |
Opportunity waits for no one. |
153) |
Sell the sizzle, not the steak. |
162) |
Even in the worst of times, someone turns a profit. |
164) |
Never spend your own money when you can spend someone else's. |
169) |
Competition and fair play are mutually exclusive. |
172) |
If you can sell it, don't hesitate to steal it. |
177) |
Know your enemies... but do business with them always. |
180) |
Never offer a confession when a bribe will do. |
181) |
Not even dishonesty can tarnish the shine of profit. |
188) |
Never bet on a race you haven't fixed. |
189) |
Borrow on a handshake; lend in writing. |
189) |
Let others keep their reputation. You keep their money. |
190) |
Hear everything; trust nothing. |
191) |
A Ferengi waits to bid until his opponents have exhausted themselves. |
192) |
Never cheat a Klingon... unless you're sure you can get away with it. |
194) |
It's always good business to know about new customers before they walk in your door. |
200) |
If you're going to have to endure, make yourself comfortable. |
202) |
The justification of profit is profit. |
202) |
A friend in need is a customer in the making. |
203) |
New customers are like razor toothed gree worms,they can be succulent, but sometimes they bite back. |
208) |
Give someone a fish, you feed him for one day. Teach him how to fish, and you lose a steady customer. |
208) |
Sometimes the only thing more dangerous than the question is an answer. |
211) |
Employees are the rungs on the ladder to success. Don't hesitate to step on them. |
214) |
Never begin a business transaction on an empty stomach. |
215) |
Instinct without opportunity is useless. |
216) |
Never gamble with an empath. |
217) |
You can't free a fish from water. |
218) |
Sometimes what you get free costs entirely too much. |
218) |
Always know the competition. |
219) |
Always know what you're buying. |
219) |
Possession is 11/10 of the law. |
221) |
Beware of any man who thinks with his lobes. |
222) |
Knowledge is power. |
223) |
Beware the man who doesn't make time for oo-mox. |
229) |
Latinum lasts longer than lust. |
236) |
You can't buy fate. |
239) |
Never be afraid to mislabel a product. |
242) |
More is good... all is better. |
253) |
Synthehol is the lubricant of choice for a customer's stuck purse. |
255) |
A wife is a luxury... a smart accountant, a necessity. |
261) |
A wealthy man can afford anything except a conscience. |
263) |
Never allow doubt to tarnish your lust for latinum. |
265) |
The customer is always right (...until you 'Rules of Netquisition' get their cash). |
266) |
When in doubt, lie. |
267) |
When not in doubt, lie anyway. |
281) |
Blood is thicker than water, but harder to sell. |
282) |
Business is like war; it's important to recognize the winner. |
283) |
Rules are always subject to change. |
284) |
Rules are always subject to interpretation. |
284) |
Deep down, everyone's a Ferengi. |
285) |
No good deed ever goes unpunished. |
285) |
A good deed is its own reward. |
286) |
When Morn leaves, it's all over. |
286) |
You can always buy back lost reputation. |
287) |
When the Grand Nagus gives you an opportunity, leave town until he's gone. |
299) |
Whenever you exploit someone, it never hurts to thanks them. (That way, it's easier to exploit them the next time.) |
?. |
The more time they take deciding, the more money they will spend. |
?. |
The greater (the) amount you are taking from someone, the greater the distraction must be. |
?. |
One person's secret is another person's opportunity. |
?. |
The hand that holds the latinum may also hide a dagger. |
?. |
You can tell a great deal about a man from his shoes. |
?. |
Time's an asset. |
?. |
Your goods are now my goods. |
?. |
Exploitation begins at home. |
?. |
When you see a good deal, jump on it. |
?. |
A Ferengi without a head for business has no future. |
?. |
Business is business, even among friends. |
?. |
Everything has a price. |
?. |
When no appropriate Rule applies, make one up. (The unwritten rule) |
I think this is the most complete collection of the Ferengi Rules available, which was last modified by
Markus Beier on the Sonntag, 2. Juli 2000