Chapter 10: Crossroads SD 7612.08 Delta Quadrant USS Voyager Sickbay One week. Seven days. 168 hours. 10080 minutes. 604800 seconds. And counting. That was how long B'Elanna had been in this hellhole called Sickbay, with only the too cheerful holographic Doctor and nauseatingly sweet Dana Scully for companionship. Tom had been by a couple of times, as well as the Captain and a few concerned others, but none of them had known exactly what to say to her and so had left after a few minutes. She sighed and shifted her position on the biobed. Finding that unsatisfactory, she shifted again. And again. And again. "Having trouble getting comfortable, Lieutenant?" the Doctor called cheerfully from his office. She scowled. "These biobeds weren't exactly made for comfort, you know." "I bring good news. Don't you want to hear it?" "Only if it involves you de-activating yourself," she retorted, changing her position again. "Such wit! I knew you were feeling better. That's why I've decided to release you to your quarters, in Lieutenant Paris's care, of course." "Of course," she mimicked dryly. "He should be here any minute..." the Doctor drifted off. The doors to Sickbay slid open, and in walked Tom. "Speaking of the devil," the Doctor said. Tom blinked, unaware of what the Doctor was talking about. "What? Never mind. B'Ella, honey, are you ready to go back to our quarters?" "I suppose so." She glared darkly out from underneath the hair that blocked her face. "Great, let's go." Tom started heading for the door. "Wait," the Doctor said. "B'Elanna, don't you want to change out of Sickay scrubs?" "Whatever." She didn't care. "Here, change into these." B'Elanna sighed, then took the clothes offered and went into Sickbay's bathroom to change. She came out a few minutes later. Tom grabbed her arm. "C'mon, let's go." He glanced darkly at the Doctor, who frowned back. She shrugged out of his grip. "I know the way." Tom held up his hands in mock defeat and headed out the door. The trip to their quarters was a silent one. Tom didn't have the courage to start a conversation with his depressed wife, and she was too busy thinking up ways to kill herself to be bothered. "Listen," Tom said once they reached their quarters. "I've got to go on duty in a couple of minutes. Chakotay said he might be stopping by later on. Will you be okay here for a little while?" She stared at him. "I'll be fine." For some reason he didn't believe her. But he still left her alone. As soon as he was gone, she moved to the replicators and tried to replicate a knife, a phaser, something that would be sufficient and kill her. But apparently the replicator in the Paris quarters had been taken offline. She tried to route transporter control to her room, trying the few tricks she had up her sleeve as Voyager's suspended chief engineer, but nothing worked. Apparently Captain Janeway and her crew had been ready for this. A message came in through the system, marked as urgent. B'Elanna ignored it and kept trying to think of creative ways to kill herself. She was just about to hit herself on the head with a very blunt candle holder when the beeping became too much. "All right already," she replied to no one in particular. "Jeez, you'd think someone would have the consideration not to bother me when I'm trying to kill myself." She opened the message- it was nothing more than a few words in plain text. 'B'Elanna- Please stop trying to kill yourself for just a little while. I have something for you to do...' SD 7612.08 Delta Quadrant USS Voyager Kathryn & Chakotay's Quarters "Kathryn, have you seen Ralph?" Chakotay asked, straightening his uniform. "It's time to feed him, and I'm already running late. I was supposed to visit B'Elanna before I went on duty." A crash, two screeches of pain, and a string of curses from the other room told Chakotay she had indeed seen Ralph. He ran to the other room, where his wife was sprawled on the floor next to the odd creature. The table, normally in the center of the room, was upturned and pushed back a little more. "Have I seen him?" Kathryn fumed. "Yes, I think he's around here somewhere." "Ralph, come on and get your food," Chakotay said, glancing at her and knowing that it was better to not try and talk to her at this point. "Chakotay, I don't understand why we just couldn't have brought that thing back to the planet where it belonged," she continued to rant at him. "You had enough trouble as it is getting him toilet trained. When you wash it, you get water all over our quarters. When you don't wash it, it gets dirt all over it. When you only do half a job of it, it gets mud all over everything. It's a nuisance." She picked herself up off the floor and put her hands on her hips. "Kathryn, you know that's not true. I put him in the sonic shower when he's dirty." Ralph looked between the quarreling couple, then went to eating his food. Bits and kibbles went everywhere. "That's another thing. He's a messy eater." Chakotay gave her a look to rival her patented Janeway-glare-'o- death. "You're just trying to pick a fight now. Why don't we talk about this later, when you're not as angry about tripping over Ralph?" He expected an argument but got none. Instead, her face went pale, and she began to sway on her feet. "Kathryn, are you okay?" In response, she ran into the bathroom. Chakotay didn't follow until after the retching sounds had faded away. Handing her a towel to clean herself off, he stroked her hair gently. "It's a good thing you have a day off today. Maybe you should go to Sickbay." She sniffled, then looked at him. "No, I'll be fine if I just lay down. It's probably just the flu." He scrutinized her, as if making sure that was it. Then he nodded. "I'll be on the bridge if you need me." "I know." Chakotay nodded and helped her to the bedroom, where she laid down. Ralph, finished with his breakfast, posed in the doorway. Chakotay kissed her, then left. Kathryn stared at the little creature in the doorway. Ralph stared back. "Guess it's just you and me now, Ralph," she said. He stared at her a couple more minutes, then turned and left. Kathryn sighed and turned to fall asleep. SD 7612.08 Delta Quadrant USS Voyager Paris Quarters "Really, Chakotay, I'll be fine. Now, I know you're late for your duty shift. So go," B'Elanna said, wishing desperately for him to leave. He shifted on his feet. He really did have to leave, but he didn't want to leave her alone. Maybe he should bring her over to be with Kathryn. Nursing the captain back to health might bring B'Elanna's depression to a head. "If you need me for anything, I'll-" "Be on the bridge, I know." A slight smile graced her face. She had won; he was leaving! He was reassured by the smile on her face. She was getting better, he just knew it. "And if you need Kathryn for anything, she's in our quarters. She wasn't feeling too good, but maybe a visit from you would cheer her up." B'Elanna thought, fighting hard to keep the smile on her face. "I'll keep that in mind." "You're sure you're going to be fine?" His tattoo was scrunched up in concern. B'Elanna sighed, then began pushing him out the door. "Really, I'll be fine. I have a padd that I've been meaning to read for the longest time." "Okay," Chakotay managed to weakly say before he was pushed out her quarters and the doors locked behind him. Shaking his head, he headed down the corridor to the bridge, not seeing the shadow that still hovered behind him, near B'Elanna's quarters. Inside, B'Elanna sighed again with relief. Then she headed to the padd that she had downloaded the message onto and scanned it over again. The instructions were very clear; if she should follow them correctly, this person would assist her in what she wanted the most- death. The problem was, B'Elanna wasn't sure if she could follow these very simple instructions. She hid the padd in her standard Starfleet mattress, ripping a hole in it and sewing it back up after the padd was in place. Tom or anyone else would never find it. Then she deleted all traces of the private message from the main computer. Now to see if the replicators would give her what she needed. "Chicken soup, hot." The computer beeped in reply and gave her chicken soup. Except it was cold. B'Elanna growled in frustration and threw the soup across the room. "Let's try this one more time. Chicken soup, hot." Again, the replicators served up the chicken soup, very, very, unmistakably cold. She swore under her breath, but did not throw it against the wall. Instead, she placed it, calmly, back into the replicator to recycle. It was then that B'Elanna remembered the vial of hemlock solution that she had transported out of Sickbay but left in the buffers when the Doctor's back had been turned. Turning to a console where she could access the buffers, she retrieved the vial. Now, what to do with it? It wasn't enough to do as the note had said, and even if she wanted to poison the Captain, the soup wasn't hot. That would be important- she couldn't give Kathryn Janeway cold, poisoned soup. She could always take it to herself. The note had said that if she killed Voyager's captain, the mysterious person who had sent it would help her kill herself. Of course, she had the chance to do so now, so why should she kill someone she actually did care about to help someone who didn't trust her enough to give her a real identity and _promised_ to help her kill herself. What did promises of the future mean to someone like B'Elanna, a depressed suicide attemptee who had the chance to kill herself now? 7612.08 Delta Quadrant USS Voyager Bridge His head nodded again, and before his chin fell completely into his neck, he snapped it up. Again. And then he yawned. Chakotay couldn't help but feel very sleepy. He wasn't quite sure why, though. Perhaps he hadn't gotten enough sleep last night, with Kathryn tossing and turning all night. Briefly, his thoughts flickered to his sick wife and wondered how she was getting along, then realized she would be getting along worse if she knew he was letting his thoughts drift to her on duty. It was a silent pact of theirs that when they were on duty, their thoughts stayed focused on work. Of course, it was difficult to stay focused on work when there was nothing to work on. There were no abnormal readings to investigate, no aliens to battle, not even Tuvok to entertain them with his dry Vulcan logic. Tuvok, also, was off duty during this shift. Chakotay thought. Then his thoughts focused on B'Elanna, and wondered how she was doing. He was worried about her; of that there was no doubt. "Status report," he ordered, trying to take the people he loved off his mind while he worked. SD 7612.08 Delta Quadrant USS Voyager Kathryn & Chakotay's Quarters "Come," she moaned from her bedroom. Whoever it was walked into the main room. "Kathryn," B'Elanna greeted. "Chakotay told me you were sick?" Kathryn only moaned her answer. "I'm sorry. Do you mind if I used your replicators? Mine were replicating things that are supposed to be hot cold." "Mine only replicates them lukewarm," Kathryn replied, struggling out of bed and put on a robe. B'Elanna, in the other room, nodded and headed for the replicator. She could reroute the wires to allow it to make hot things instead of lukewarm things, but she didn't much feel like it. So she just replicated lukewarm chicken soup. Kathryn had crawled (well, not literally crawled) into the main room. "Have you seen Ralph? He must be hungry by now," she said. "Ralph? Oh, right, that thing Chakotay adopted from that planet. No, I haven't seen it." Kathryn frowned, then brightened a little. "Guess that means I don't have to feed him. Good, I wasn't exactly looking forward to seeing food right now." B'Elanna held out the chicken soup. "Oh. I just replicated you some chicken soup. It's okay, I'll recycle it." Kathryn considered her options. She could try to force it down for B'Elanna's sake. After all, it seemed the younger woman was making an effort to move past losing her child. "No, it's ok-" Never mind; she felt the bile pushing up through her throat now. She covered her mouth and ran like hell for the lavatory. Confused, B'Elanna put down the soup and followed her, where she saw her supposedly impervious captain puking her guts out. "Kathryn?" She didn't answer, just gripped the sides of the toilet. For some reason, seeing the brave, fearless captain, the one that was impervious to attack, gripping the porcelain bowl like it was her only line to life, something inside her fell back into place and made her feel emotion again. It was something she hadn't felt in a very long time. 9912.08 Delta Quadrant USS Voyager Corridor All day, he had not been able to concentrate on his duty. Now that his duty was over, he was bone tired after worrying all morning and all afternoon. So, instead of stopping by the Paris-Torres quarters like he had planned, he went straight to his and Kathryn's shared quarters. Along the way he met up with many crewmembers, all wanting approval for this and that and not understanding that he wanted to get back to Kathryn as soon as possible. When he opened the doors, there was no Kathryn running to greet him. Not even Ralph ran when he heard the doors slide. Chakotay thought it odd but didn't consciously realize it. Thinking that Kathryn might be asleep, he tiptoed into the bedroom. There he was astonished. Kathryn was indeed sleeping, but so was B'Elanna and Ralph. Kathryn was on her usual side; B'Elanna next to her. Between them was a book, ancient by the look of it, of faery tales. It wasn't the faery tales that surprised Chakotay, but the smiles on the faces of the people he loved. It had been a long time since he had seen B'Elanna smile. He crept to the bed and pulled the comforter's over them as a parent might to a sleeping child, and, carefully so as not to disturb them, walked into the living area to do some work. He never saw the discarded soup in the replicator's recycling bin.