Everything's at the bottom this time folks! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Home By Dana Quell Kathryn Janeway sighed and sat back into her chair. Thus far, since coming back from the Forsanetha planet, she had met up with nine different obstacles that had made her alter her previously plotted course. It didn't help that the Forsanetha, a particularly paranoid race, had insisted that she come alone and Voyager stay at least 5 light-years away from the planet. They apparently didn't trust any outsiders, and from what Kathryn had seen of Forsanetha, they didn't trust each other either. Both Tuvok and Chakotay had both protested her going alone, but they had no other choice. They had to deal with Forsanetha because of low supplies, and there wasn't a friendly system around for another couple of weeks of travel. So Kathryn Janeway, captain of a powerful starship, was sitting in the small shuttlecraft, the only class 2 shuttle Voyager had left. Chakotay had insisted on her taking the Delta Flyer, but she didn't feel right taking it for just herself to travel in. So she took the remaining class 2 shuttle and headed for the Forsanetha homeworld. And now she was heading back to Voyager, but she might not even get there. There were so many unforeseen obstacles that it could take days, instead of the one day it was supposed to take. At least now she had the time to sit and think. Before she could start thinking, however, the tiny shuttle was struck by a jarring rumble. She was thrown to the floor, and she quickly got back up. "Computer, report!" she cried. There was no answer. "Great, just great, computer's off-line." Checking the separate systems, she saw that there was a ship, smaller than Voyager but with formidable weapons of its own, off the port bow. She immediately sent out a distress call to Voyager. Kathryn scanned the area around the ship, looking for someplace she could hide until Voyager came. Then she found a small, M-class planet. She only hoped that she could make it. Powering the engines, she immediately headed towards it and began a landing sequence. But the ship attacking her saw what she was attempting to do, and fired another shot at her. The shuttle immediately spun out of control, and she was thrown to the floor once again, this time losing consciousness. * Kathryn came to with a start, and her hand immediately went to her head. "Oh," she moaned, sitting up. It must've been quite a bumpy ride. Thank god it was all over. Now to wait until Voyager came, and to make do with what she had. she thought. She got up off the floor, with much pain involved, and headed for the main console. The computer was back online, and so she activated the Doctor. "Please state the nature of the medical- Captain, your head!" the Doctor said upon activation. "Let me take a look at it. Do you have a med kit on board?" She nodded, pointing to the back of the shuttle. The Doctor went and got it, and began fixing up her head. "What happened?" Kathryn sighed. "Well, I was on my way back from Forsanetha, when this ship came out of nowhere and attacked. I managed to land- well, crash- the shuttle, and then I passed out. I'm not sure for how long, or even where we are." "Well, you have a minor concussion, but it's nothing really. Did you get a message out to Voyager?" "Yes, I think so. They should be coming any time soon. In the meantime, we should probably check out our surroundings." "Agreed." The Doctor put away the med kit. "You're fit to explore." "That's good. Your mobile emitter is over there," Kathryn replied, pointing. The Doctor retrieved it and smiled. "Let's go." Outside the shuttle was a virtual paradise. Trees, with big fronds for leaves, waved in the warm breeze, as if greeting the captain and her companion. There was even a good sized pond at the bottom of a gently sloping hill. A few noises broke the silent bliss. Kathryn immediately whipped out her tricorder, scanning for life. She had been sure her original scans of the planet had detected no animal life, just plants, but there was a slight chance that the sensors had been malfunctioning. Sure enough, there were a large number of lifesigns heading their way. The group crashed through the trees ahead of them, and Kathryn counted at least 25. She only hoped they had no hostile intentions. But then she looked closely at them, and saw with surprise that they were human. Or at the very least, looked human. She thought she saw one who even looked like a Vulcan, but the person was too far away for her to be sure. A small faction of the group stayed far away, talking and pointing at her and the Doctor, but the rest seemed content to circle the shuttlecraft and memorize its every features. Suddenly a shout went up from behind it, and the entire group raced to its source, including Kathryn and the Doctor. Underneath the small shuttle were two pairs of feet, clad in bright ruby red Starfleet boots. The group, upon seeing the boots, grew excited, and looked at Kathryn in amazement. Kathryn herself grew horrified. The feet had to belong to a pair of legs, and the pair of legs had to belong to somebody. Which meant that she had crashed her shuttle into someone, and effectively killed them. And now, according to Starfleet rules and protocol, she was subject to punishment on these people's terms. "I didn't mean to, I swear I didn't," she began, backing away and bringing her hand to her phaser, just in case these people didn't believe that it had been an accident. "I am so sorry." "So sorry for what?" one asked, approaching her. She had been one of the ones to keep her distance, with a few of the others. She genuinely didn't seem affected by the accident. "I killed one of your people," Kathryn replied. "It was an accident, though." "One of our people? No, Captain, this... this thing was definitely not one of our people," another said. "In fact, we should be thanking you, instead of having you stand there and apologize," a third one chimed in. "Thanking me? And how did you know I was a captain?" "Lucky guess?" the first one said. She stepped forward again. "Since we all know who you are, Captain, then perhaps we should introduce ourselves. I am Dana, the Stone-Hearted." "Don't listen to her. She is _not_ stone-hearted, Captain," the third one (a Bajoran?) said. "I am Kira." Kathryn was in the middle of introductions when WHAM! She was hit in the face by something sticky. It smelled like- "Leola root! Spif, you know you aren't supposed to hit our guests with leola root! Especially the really important ones," the girl that had been introduced to her as Lia said. The girl who had hit her with the leola root pie-Spif- came out of her hiding spot in the woods. "Hmph. Make me stop." Lia got a murderous look in her eyes. "All right," she said, accepting the challenge and pulling out a can of silly string. She then tore after Spif, covering everyone and everything with the string in the process. Dana looked at her arms, covered in silly string, and sighed. "Oh, boyo. Now I'm going to have to go get Lia. If you'll excuse me, Captain?" Kathryn nodded, and Dana started heading towards the woods, calling out weird words. Little leprechauns (or would they be called Munchkins?) began to follow her. Kira glanced at the Doctor and Kathryn. "Well, it's been nice talking to you both, but I've got to go and stop them from killing each other now. We'll talk again some other time. Oh, and Kiff will be right with you." Kira tore off into the woods after them. Kathryn looked over at the Doctor, who was the only one who was not covered in silly string. "Kiff?" Someone poofed into this existence a few feet over, hovering over the ground. "You rang?" "You're Kiff?" the Doctor asked. The woman smiled. "Yes, that's me. I'm the good listmum, Kiff. Now, what can I do for you?" "Well, um, our shuttle crashed, and we were hoping there might be a way to contact our ship, since our communications array is damaged." "Ah, I see, your ship would be able to pick you up, and then you could go home." "Well, sort of. Actually, our home is very very far away, and we need to travel in our ship for a long time to reach our home. But essentially, it's like you said." Kiff smiled. "Home is closer than you think." "I don't understand," Kathryn replied with a frown. "You will," Kiff said. "Now, I'm very sorry, but there's no way that I or the pondies here could help you. You see, we're on this planet only as non-corporals, and we come from a time when, compared to yours, our technology is very inferior. We couldn't help you with communications, or even with fixing your shuttle, though maybe the Wizard could help you." "The Wizard?" the Doctor asked. Kiff nodded. "Yes, the Wizard of JetC. She's become mostly a recluse now, and doesn't participate in JetC affairs, but we still like to think that she helps out a lot." "JetC? Is that what this planet is called?" "Oh, no. JetC is the system. This planet is the jr6th. Now, to find the Wizard, all you have to do is follow the gold staccato road until you reach the Emerald Green City. Got that?" "I think so." Kathryn looked over at the Doctor to make sure he understood as well. "Good, then I'll be go- Oh dear, did you crash that shuttle?" Kiff stopped in the middle of winking out of this existence. "Well, yes, I'm terribly sorry for killing that poor person-" "Sorry? Poor person? My dear, that was the Wicked Witch of the East you just killed. She was the most powerful, because of those ruby boots. Oh, dear, now the Wicked Producer of the West, her brother, is going to get them. That is bad tidings indeed. You've got to take them, wear them. They'll keep you safe, and you'll keep them safe. The WPotW won't know where to look for them." "Wear them? I don't know... they're not my size and I don't look good in ruby red." "You did crash the shuttle. I'll make you pick up your mess right now instead of having one of the girls do it if you don't put on those boots right now!" Kathryn looked at the woman in amazement. "Fine, fine," she grumbled. "Just don't make me pick up my ruined shuttlecraft, ok?" She began taking off her boots and putting the ruby ones on. When she took off the boots from the witch's feet, the striped socks shriveled up and pulled themselves underneath the shuttle. "How do they look?" "Stunning, Captain," the Doctor replied. "If only I had my holographic imager." "I agree with the Doc, Captain. You should wear ruby red more often. Now, if you'll excuse me, I really have to go and put an end to the pondie civil war now. Kira wasn't able to stop them from killing each other too well." She exited, in the same poof that she came in. The other pondies began to head back to the woods, the thrill of seeing the great captain and her EMH gone. Kathryn turned towards the Doctor. "Well, you ready to hit the road?" "I wouldn't recommend that as a prudent course of action, Captain, unless you want me to fix up your hand," he replied. Kathryn sighed and began walking down the gold staccato road. * Walking along that gold staccato road, they soon came to a field full of corn. Since they, or rather, Kathryn, hadn't eaten in a while, they decided to stop. "Shoo! Shoo!" they heard someone say. They turned around to find a scarecrow walking towards them. A scarecrow which looked oddly enough like Neelix. "You aren't supposed to be eating that corn! It's not yours; after all, did you grow it?" It kept yelling as it approached. Kathryn considered this for a moment. "No, but I used to live in a farming community back on Earth. You knew that, Neelix." "Neelix? Who's Neelix? And, no, I didn't know that. Does that make you an expert on farming?" The scarecrow wasn't mocking anymore- it simply seemed curious. "Oh, nobody that you'd know," Kathryn replied casually. "And yes, it makes me an expert on farming." Kathryn was lying. She had no clue on how to farm. The only thing she did know was the very basics, and of that she didn't know much of. "Does that give you the right to eat someone else's grown corn, then?" Again, the scarecrow seemed to genuinely not know. "Well, yes, I guess so," Kathryn replied, deciding to go along with what she had already said. The Doctor leaned closer to her. "That's not in my ethical subroutines, Captain. I believe you are lying." "Sh, just go along with it," she whispered back. The Doctor considered this for a moment, then apparently decided to do as she said. "Well, then, have more!" The scarecrow immediately decided to pile loads of ears of corns onto Kathryn, who didn't have need of so much. "Whoa, whoa, I just wanted one! And I was just kidding about the farming thing- I haven't the slightest clue about farming," Kathryn said, pushing everything back to the scarecrow. "Hasn't anyone ever told you how naive you are?" the Doctor added, proud to be part of the joke instead of the butt of it. The scarecrow looked downfallen. "My master says I'm stupid and need to get a street-smart brain. I am very intelligent, for a scarecrow, but I am not very wise." "Well, maybe the Wizard can help you with that, too," the Doctor said. "We're going to see her, you know." "Wow, you're going all the way to the Emerald Green City? I never would have thought of that." "All the way? Isn't it just at the end of the gold staccato road?" Kathryn asked. "Well, yeah, but the gold staccato road is the longest one on the planet. And it winds through the Wicked Producer of the West's dark set." "I think we can handle a set. As for walking the entire length, you should see Starfleet's training programs. It'll be a walk in the park." "Well, I suppose it would be worth a try... all right. I'll come with you." And so duo become trio set off once more on the gold staccato road, heading once again for the Emerald Green City. * After they had traveled yet another while longer, they came to a tree. Under this particular tree was a great big hunk of metal and organic compounds. Kathryn immediately brought out her phaser, wary of the Borg. She re-holstered it, however, upon seeing that it was neither moving, nor technologically advanced to be Borg. "It's a tin man," the Doctor observed. "Made out of tin and man. Will wonders never cease?" "Not in the Delta Quadrant," Kathryn said wryly, stepping forward for a closer look. "It looks like it can use some oil. The only thing I've got close to it in my utility belt is my extra mousse, and that's only for emergencies and nights on the town." The Doctor only stared at her. "I didn't know you used mousse." She flipped her hair around for demonstration. "How else do you think I get my hair to stay this shape?" "Hmm. I'll have to try it sometime," he replied. Kathryn's eyes widened. "Not my mousse. Besides, what hair would you put it on?" "It's not my fault I was modeled after a bald guy," the Doctor whined. "Now hurry up and use the mousse. Maybe we can get this tin man working." Kathryn pouted. "Fine, fine, but if my hair looks a fright later, don't complain to me." She took out her extra mousse and began applying it to the joints of the tin man, who, strangely enough, looked a lot like Chakotay. "Ugh, thank you," the tin man said, stretching as much as tin could allow. "I thought I'd be stuck like that forever." "I'm Kathryn, and this is the Doctor, and this is Scarecrow," Kathryn said, trying to hurry the show up a little. "Ah, well, pleased to make your acquaintance. You may call me Tin Man." "Hello, Tin Man. We're all going to see the Wizard. Perhaps you'd like to come, if you need anything?" "Hmm, well, there is a certain tin lady's heart I've been after. If this Wizard of yours could make her love me, perhaps it would be worth the journey," Tin Man replied. "Well, then let's get going," Kathryn said, turning back to the gold staccato road. * After a couple of long hours, they came to the edge of a set. Strewn about were cardboard cut-outs of trees and bushes, and the sun was blocked out. Next to the golden staccato road, there were two cardboard cutouts of security guards, and there were gates across the road. "Is this the dark set you were talking about, Scarecrow?" Kathryn asked. Scarecrow nodded. "I think so. It's full of ilons, and gertis, and ears, or so I've heard. Uh, no pun intended." "Ilons, and gertis, and ears, oh my!" Kathryn, the Doctor, and Tin Man replied simultaneously. They all huddled a little bit closer to each other. The Doctor pushed Tin Man up. "Well, we should enter. After all, we've got to get to the other side and to the Emerald Green City." "You want to go first?" Tin Man replied. They all looked over at Kathryn. She shook her head, and the Doctor gave her a push. "You are the captain, and captains are supposed to be brave and courageous." She gave him the Janeway-glare-o-death look, and he withered. "We'll all go together." They linked arms and stepped over the gates into the dark set. "Ilons, and gertis, and ears, my ass," Kathryn muttered. "What was that, Captain?" the Doctor asked cheerfully. It was a little too cheerful, if you get the gist. "AH!" she screamed in reply. Something had come at them from the woods. They all screamed, and the thing that had come out at them screamed as well. "Agh!" he screamed. Kathryn calmed herself down enough to look closely at the thing. It appeared to be a lion, with, sure enough, the face of Tuvok. He looked almost disheartened, miserable, but then, this lion seemed Vulcan. Almost was one of the keywords there. "You frightened me with your fright," the lion said. "Please try to keep your emotions at a minimum." Kathryn frowned. Frightened by fright was something Vulcans were not. This lion must just be one of those normal, talking lions. "Sorry. We didn't mean to frighten you." "Sorrow? Sorrow is an emotion. HIDE ME!" The lion scurried behind the Tin Man, obviously hoping that the tin would reflect their emotions. No such luck. "Seems like you need some courage, Lion," the Tin Man said, trying to twist around to see the lion. "Courage? Yes, yes, I need courage to face emotions," Lion replied, coming out from behind the Tin Man and facing the four. "Well, perhaps the Wizard can help you with that," Kathryn said, trying to keep her expression and her voice neutral. "Wizard?" Lion asked. "What wizard?" "The Wizard of JetC, of course," Scarecrow replied, leaning in closer to the big cat. "Don't tell me you've never heard of her?" Lion shook his head. "No, never. The only important person I've ever heard of is the Wicked Producer of the West, and I never want to meet up with him." "Well, come on, we're wasting time!" The Doctor was growing impatient. Kathryn smiled. "All right, come on." Before they could begin to go deeper into the dark set, they were attacked by flying monkeys in little pink tutus. They managed to fend them off using the props they found just lying along side the road, then ran towards the cardboard trees. "Take cover, everyone, take cover!" Kathryn shouted. Most of them did, but Lion couldn't move, struck with fright by everyone else's fright. Kathryn saw this, and shouted, "Lion! Get out of the road!" Unfortunately, he couldn't hear her, so great was his fright, and the tutu clad monkeys picked him up by the tail and whisked him away, probably towards the Wicked Producer of the West's office. One of them stayed behind, and its face took on the shape of a dirty middle-aged man. "I'll get you, my pretty, and your little EMH too!" it cried with a man's raspy voice, pointing at Kathryn. "And after I get you, I'll get your ruby red boots. Heheheheheheheheheheheheheheehe." The monkey's face then reverted back, and it flew away. They all gasped in horror. "We have to go get Lion," Kathryn said. "Captain, we can't. If those monkeys were from the Wicked Producer of the West, then we've got to get out of here. They could come back at any time. We've got to go to the Emerald Green City, and find the Wizard, and get back to Voyager." "We can't just leave him!" Kathryn argued. Tin Man piped up. "I agree with your Doctor. We have to prioritize." Scarecrow nodded. "Uh-huh. Prioritize." Kathryn stared at them all. "Fine. You all go to the Emerald Green City, and I'll go after Lion and meet up with you later." "Captain, I can't let you do that!" the Doctor exclaimed. "I'm coming with you." He glanced over at Tin Man and Scarecrow. "Well, if you're going, I'm going too," they said simultaneously. Kathryn smiled. "Great. Let's go." * Upon reaching the fortified producer's office, they hid along the door. "So, what do we do now?" Tin Man whispered. Kathryn thought for a second. "Well, we wait, and then when they least expect it, we attack and spring Lion out of there." "Are you sure that's wise?" the Doctor replied, frowning. "Do you have any better ideas?" Kathryn whispered back harshly. The Doctor shook his head. Just then two monkeys in tutus came out of the door. The four squished themselves up against the wall, and the monkeys never saw them. "All right, we go in now," Kathryn said, taking out her phaser. The others nodded, and they sprang into action. Kathryn took the initiative first, and sprang in front of the door, then decided she might as well kick it in. The man in there, the same one who's face had appeared on the monkey's tutu clad body, looked up at the disturbance. "You could have just knocked. The door was unlocked," he rhymed. The Doctor stood behind Kathryn, staring at the man behind the desk, which held a sign that read 'Brannon Braga'. "Did he just rhyme?" Tin Man nodded, wide-eyed. "That's the sign of a producer," he replied. "Captain, Doc, meet the Wicked Producer of the West." "Pleased to meet your acquaintance," the WPotW said, running a hand through his dark black hair. "You must be Captain Janeway, and the EMH, and the Scarecrow, and the Tin Man. Lion's told me so much about all of you." Kathryn stepped forward, then stepped back as the smell of the Producer was too much to bear. "Lion," she said as she gasped for clean air, "what have you done with him?" "Put him to use as the official Paramount waterboy," the Producer said. "And I've got jobs for all of you, too! Scarecrow, you will be the official security guard, since you'll scare away all of the fans with your face. And Tin Man, you'll be taken apart and used for parts for the set. And Doctor, you'll be the official chef, so you can create nutritious meals that don't taste good." "But I'm a doctor, not a chef!" the Doctor whined. Kathryn hit him to shut him up. "And Captain," the Producer continued, "you shall be-" "Don't tell me; world famous actress who'll put your tv show on the ratings charts," Kathryn cut in. The Producer stared. "No. You'll be the cleaning lady. You get to clean the sets." "Oh." Kathryn was disappointed, then remembered that this man was evil and she didn't want to work for him anyway. "You'll never get any of us to cooperate." "Won't I?" He clapped, and the flying ballerina monkeys entered the room. "Please show them about, and set them to work. And if they don't cooperate, kill them. Oh, yes, and give the Captain's boots to me." The monkeys nodded, and bent to relieve Kathryn of her boots. When they touched the ruby reds, however, their hands blistered and burned, and they flew and howled in pain. "Oh," the Producer scowled. "I was hoping they wouldn't do that this time. Captain Janeway, take off your boots and give them to me." Kathryn stuck out her chin. "Never." "Fine." He gestured to the now calm monkeys. "Take them away and show them to their tasks. I'm bored with them already." The monkeys nodded and took them away. * A few days later, they were all back in the office. Kathryn was scrubbing down the desk, Scarecrow was standing watch at the door, the Doctor was trying to get the Producer to try his latest creation, and the Producer was busy trying to take Tin Man apart. The Producer pressed the newly cleaned intercom button on his desk. "Denise, could you have Lion carry his heavy ten gallon water bucked in here. I'm a little parched." [Sho thing, boss,] came the reply. Seconds later, Lion was lugging the bucked in, carefully trying not to slosh water all over the place and not succeeding. "You rang, O Wicked Producer of the West?" Lion asked, waddling his water over towards the desk. The Producer looked over the water stains he had left on the carpet. "Captain, be a dear and vacuum that up," he ordered. Then he turned to Lion. "Oh, yes, I did, but... I'm not thirsty really anymore. Besides, I'm allergic to water. You can leave now." Lion's whiskers twitched, and Kathryn could see his eyebrows were twitching as well. His eyes fluttered fast, and she knew he was angry. Silently she prayed that he could overcome his fear of emotions and hate the Producer. "Who in hell is allergic to water?!" Lion asked. Then he realized that he had been dismissed. "YOU MADE ME CARRY TEN GALLONS OF WATER IN HERE UP TEN FLIGHTS OF STAIRS FOR NOTHING?!?!?!?!?!?! THAT'S IT! I QUIT!" With that, he let his anger take control and dumped the entire ten gallon bucket of water on the dirty producer's head. "There; you needed a bath anyway!" The Producer's eyes rolled wildly. "I'm fizzling, I'm fizzling! Don't look at me-I'm breaking out in hives!! Oh, what a world, what a world." With that he sank down to the ground and died in a pile of dirty water. Kathryn walked up to the Lion. "Good job. You just overcame your fear of emotions." Lion's eyes grew wide. "What? No, no, no, I couldn't have, I didn't. I'm scared, are you proud? EEK!" He ran and hid behind the door. "Never mind, you apparently didn't," she corrected herself. Walking to the door, she turned to everyone in the room. "Are you all ready to follow the gold staccato road again?" They all nodded. * After many miles of the gold staccato road, they were all sick to death of it. Literally. Everyone wanted to die, except for Lion. Lion would have been contemplating killing himself, except he was afraid of his depression. So they were all relieved when they saw a bright, emerald green color glimmer from the gold. "We're here! We're finally here!" Tin Man shouted. Lion cowered. "Did you have to use such strong emotion?" "Sorry. But we are here." "I can see that." "Stop it, you two. We're not there yet. We've got to walk a little bit more on the gold staccato road before we're actually _there_," Kathryn said, shutting them up. "But at least its not pure gold staccato! It's a little bit greener," the Doctor added. Everyone groaned, then began running down the road to the gates of the Emerald Green city. Once there, they pounded on the walls. "Yes, yes, hold on. I'm coming, I'm coming," a sleepy voice replied. To Kathryn' astonishment, it sounded like Boothby. When the head matching the voice popped up, Kathryn saw that the being looked like Boothby as well. "What is it?" the cranky old voice asked. Kathryn stuck out her chin. "We're looking for the Wizard of JetC. We were wondering if perhaps we might speak with her." The gatekeeper frowned. "Well, what's the password?" Kathryn thought for a moment. "JetC?" "I've got to change that password. It's much too easy," the gatekeeper grumbled as he disappeared to open the gates. The quintet moved inside. "The Wizard is right down the hall, last door straightforward," the gatekeeper said, pointing them in the direction. "Thank you," Kathryn replied, herding the others down the long hall. After a few minutes, they found themselves standing in front of an oak door with the two faces of comedy and drama inscribed upon them. They knocked. "Come in," was their reply. Entering cautiously, they glanced around. "Hello?" they asked simultaneously. "Who goes there, and what for?" a booming voice asked, seemingly from nowhere and everywhere in particular. "Well, there's me, Captain Kathryn Janeway, and my Doctor, and Scarecrow, Tin Man, and Lion. Where are you?" "I am everywhere. As you probably know, I am the Wizard of JetC. Now why are you here?" "Well, we're here for many different reasons," she answered, looking around. She spotted a curtain and quietly walked up to it, then pulled it down. "There you are!" A woman holding a microphone was sitting on a stool behind the curtain. "Yes, here I am," she said sadly. "And there you are." She stretched and stepped out of her little cubicle. "Now, what did you come here for, really?" she asked. Lion stepped up to her. "I want to have the courage to face emotions," he said. The Wizard laughed. "You already have it. Next!" Tin Man stepped up to her. "I want my lady's heart to belong only to me." The Wizard laughed again. "You have that already, as well. You need only admit your true feelings to her. Next! And this time, something a little more challenging." Scarecrow stepped up to her. "I want a street-smart brain." The Wizard frowned. "I did say I wanted something more challenging. All right, granted. Next!" Kathryn & the Doctor stepped up to her. "We both want to get back to our ship." The Wizard laughed. "My dear, you have had the means to do so all this time. You have only to click your heels together and say, 'There's no place like home' three times, and there you'll be. Home." Kathryn frowned. "But wouldn't that bring me back to the Alpha Quadrant? That's where home is." "Home is where the heart is, if you'll forgive me for spouting clichés. Home is where you want to be. Now hurry up and do it. Hold onto your EMH too. You don't want him to be left behind." "All right," Kathryn said, sighing and closing her eyes. She held onto the Doctor, then began clicking her heels together. "There's no place like home. There's no place like home. There's no place like home." She felt a strange sensation as voices began to buzz all around her, and so she opened her eyes. Everything was blurry until she blinked. The Doctor stood next to her- why was she lying down?- with a hypospray in hand. Next to him stood Scarecrow and Tin Man. No, wait, it wasn't Scarecrow and Tin Man- it was Chakotay and Neelix. She was back! She smiled. "I'm back," she said. The Doctor nodded. "For good this time. You were in a coma, Captain." "No I wasn't. I was on the jr6th planet of JetC. And you were there, Doctor. And so were you two." Kathryn gestured to Chakotay and Neelix. "No, you weren't. Your shuttle crashed into a planet when you tried to land it, and when Voyager received your distress call, we picked you up. Since then you've been here in Sickbay," Chakotay argued. "Whatever. It's just good to be back again," she replied, sitting up. "Where's Lion- I mean, Tuvok?" They all gave her odd glances, then Neelix replied, "Captaining the ship. Someone had to do it, while you were in Sickbay and Chakotay down here worrying about you." Chakotay glared at Neelix, who scurried out of Sickbay, and simply said, "We were all worried about you." Kathryn's mouth formed an O as she nodded in understanding. In fact, she understood more than what she was supposed to. She was the lady whose heart belonged to Tin Man, who was Chakotay. "Well, now that I've had all this time to rest, I think that I should get back to the bridge." She hopped off the biobed and tried to stand. Tried being key. Her unsteady knees gave out, but before she could hit the ground, Chakotay caught her. And then she realized something else. Home _was_ where the heart was, and home _was_ a lot closer than she thought. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Disclaimer: Nope, Wizard of Oz doesn't belong to me, neither does Paramount and its characters. All the pondies I mentioned do not belong to me, either, they belong to themselves. And if any of you could email me with who you think the Wizard of JetC is supposed to be in real life (which, alas, also does not belong to me), I'll email you back and tell you my real name (like you even care, right?) Thanks to Kira, for whom this story is writ- explaining the plot of the Wizard of Oz to her inspired this story. Also dedicated to the whole JetCjr6 pond- yer all crazy, but I still love ya. Well, I think that's it- I've got a funny feeling I've forgotten something, but I can't remember so oh well. I'll see y'all 'round! & remember- home is a lot closer than you think. Dana Quell D_Quell@the-pentagon.com ------------------------------------- "I walk beside the evening sea And dreamed a dream that could not be; The waves that plunged along the shore Said only: 'Dreamer, dream no more!'" -George Villin Curtis