Disclaimer:  AGAIN THEY ARE NOT MINE.   AGAIN, THEY ARE PARAMOUNT'S.  
IF YOU AREN'T SATISFIED NOW, YOU MUST BE VERY HARD TO PLEASE.
Notes:  Ok, hi again!  I'm not even going to bother waiting for you all 
to reply, since I won't get any.  So hi, hello, goodbye.
This is really just another little piece, but it's an even bigger 
little piece than the first.  "His Revenge" is the sequel to "Odd 
Coincedences for an Odd Crew", or "OC" for short.  So anyway, I wasn't 
going to write a sequel, but a good ole sixer friend (everyone remember 
to thank T'Kal for this), asked for one.  So here it is.
Just a little side thing; I wrote this on my vacation in Europe, so if 
it seems rushed in any way, that's why.  And it's probably a bit 
influenced by the people I met there- they were a pretty crazy bunch.  
So, my little delegation, this is for you, the real Keel's people to 
people.

His Revenge
By Dana Quell

        I just don't know how it wound up happening again.  After 
Neelix's Halloween party, all the senior staff members stayed away from 
the punch.  Even Tom stopped spiking it.  I suppose we all realized 
then that,  since Tom was the only one who would spike it and he 
wasn't, that it was safe to drink.
        Wrong.  Perhaps a lesser crewman thought it would be funny to 
lace the cake for the senior officer's semi-annual We've Been Stuck In 
the Delta Quadrant How Long? Party, or perhaps Tuvok really does have a 
sense of humour underneath all that Vulcan logic.  Most likely option 
A.  However it happened, it did.
        I was standing in the Mess Hall, talking with Neelix, who was 
very proud of the first 3 layer chocolate fudge upside down cake he had 
made especially for this party.  "Don't you think it's the most 
beautiful thing you've ever seen?" Neelix boasted proudly.
        I forced myself to smile politely.  "Don't you think you're a 
little too proud?" I asked, having trouble keeping the kind of tone out 
of my voice, the one that said, 'I guess I have to hear it because 
otherwise I'd have to hear you whine, but I don't have to like it'. 
        Fortunately he didn't seem to hear it.  He prattled on 
endlessly about his secret recipe for the cake.  I didn't care.  Who 
wants to know about cakes, even if they were chocolate?  Maybe Seven of 
Nine, since she happened to find chocolate "unoffensive", but I 
preferred the coffeecakes to fudge ones.
        Chakotay entered the Mess Hall then, for which I was grateful. 
 Sure, sometimes he annoyed me to hell with new ways of trying to "hook 
up", as Tom would say, but that was only when we were inebriated.  Most 
of the time he's reserved and un-pushy.
        "Chakotay!" I called, desperate to get away from Neelix and his 
speech about... whatever the hell he had been talking about.  "Excuse 
me, Neelix, but I have some urgent business to speak about with the 
Commander."
        He pouted, but I filed it as the usual 'It's a party, and 
they're talking about business?' look as I headed for Chakotay.  He had 
moved over to Tom and B'Elanna.
        "Hey, having fun yet?" I asked, joining them.
        B'Elanna looked over her drink.  "Well, if you count scanning 
this one glass of punch a hundred merciless times over as fun, then, 
yes."
        "Afraid Neelix spiked the punch?" Tom joked.
        We all had a good lauch about that one.  Seven came over, 
curious about the sounds.
        "My I be so bold as to ask what is so funny?" she asked.
        "Our resident Talaxian's efforts to get te entire crew to 
loosen up," I explained.
        "Oh," Seven replied. She decided to change te subject.  "Have 
any of you tried the chocolate cake yet?"
        "No, but I did get a lecture on it from Professor Neelix," I 
cracked.  Again, a good laugh.
        Unbeknownst to any of us, a figure moved behind us.  Then 
Neelix's voice, close by, announced that it was time to cut the cake.
        "Captain, would you do the honours?" he asked, handing me the 
giant cake knife.
        "Of course," I replied, taking it.  I cut the chocolate fudge, 
accidentally knocking the top layer off onto the floor.  "Oh, I'm so 
sorry!" I cried.
       "Oh, it's all right," Neelix replied cheerfully.  "Now, I'll 
just go and clean this up while you dispense the remaining cake out."
        I put on my very best nice smile and served the entire senior 
staff chocolate cake.  Seven had three pieces, and even Tuvok had one 
slice.  I tasted a bit, and knew I had to have seconds.
       Apparently it was the cake that did us in and not the punch this 
time.  But this time we were not only drunk, we were drugged.
        Seven stared at the walls intensely.  "The walls, they are 
melting!  Captain, quick, issue a red alert and get an engineering team 
up here!" she cried.  Then she frowned.  "Oh, never mind; the gnome 
says that he made the walls melt, that he's sorry for the 
inconvenience, and that he'll fix the problem right away."
        I was too busy to hear her, let alone issue a red alert, with 
my commander.  I had backed him into a corner of the mess and was 
giving him the third degree.
        "So, Chakotay," I said casually, running a finger alongside his 
tattoo.  He gulped nervously.  "Do you find me attractive?"
        He gulped again.  "I think you know the answer to your question 
already, Kathryn."
        "Do.  You.  Find.  Me.  Attractive?" I insisted.  "Answer the 
question; yes or no."
        "Yes," he answered, hopefully rather truthfully.
        I smiled.  "Good," I replied, coming in closer.  Just as our 
lips were about to meet, I pulled away.  "I think not.  Protocol and 
all that rot."
        His face fell and crumbled, as if the glass that held the view 
to his inner emotions had shattered into a million pieces with those 
three- no, eight- little words.  "Oh," he said as he slunk away.
        I smiled again, then turned my attention to the rest of my 
senior staff.  Tom had B'Elanna backed into another wall (not the 
melting one) and she seemed to be enjoying it.  Tuvok was laughing 
(Tuvok, a Vulcan, laughing?  Will wonders never cease?) with Harry over 
some stupid joke the Doctor had told two minutes ago.
        Neelix walked over to me.  "Enjoying yourself, Captain?" he 
asked.
        I nodded, trying to be patient with his attempts at hosting a 
party.  "Of course, Neelix, everyone enjoys your parties."  Especially 
when you serve Leola root in everything, I sarcastically added 
ilently.
        "I'm so glad.  I made the cake especially for you," he replied, 
obviously not noticing my frown.  Or ignoring it.
        "Really?  I thought chocolate was Seven's favourite," I said, 
puzzled.
        "It is," he cryptically remarked.
        I frowned.  "I'm just going to go over here now and talk to... 
Tuvok about... stuff."  I edged away and headed for my chief security 
officer.
        "Captain!" he called, slapping me on the back.  I nearly choked 
on my punch.  "It is good to see you.  Are you enjoying yourself?"
        I forced myself to hide my amusement at his grin.  "Of course." 
 It didn't work.  My laughter flooded out, doubling when his eyebrow 
raised and he began laughing as well.
        Tom and B'Elanna came out of their corner to see the commotion, 
and were a little bit surprised when they found it was Tuvok and I 
causing it.
        "Computer, play music Revenge-one-oh-one," someone called out. 
 THe computer immediately complied.
        It was a quick, jiggish tune that I knew from very long ago, 
though I couldn't quite recall the name.  My feet began tapping of 
their own accord, and I found myself singing the words that I had once 
sung in the car with my sister.

"Now as I lay me down to sleep
This I pray
That you will hold me dear
Though I'm far away I'll whisper
Your name into the sky
And I will wake up happy..."

        "Captain," B'Elanna interrupted my thoughts.  "You should sing 
for us."
        "No!" Seven brought herself out of her conversation with the 
gnome.  "I can sing.  The captain cannot.  Haven't you ever heard her?"
        I glared at her.  Somebody was going to be cleaning the Mess 
Hall after the party, and it wasn't going to be Neelix.  I turned back 
to B'Elanna.  "I will dance."
        The song changed to a faster on, a song that I didn't know, but 
my feet continued to tap and my hips began to sway.  Feeling a bit 
crazy, I cleared the nearby table and climbed onto it, beginning to 
dance on its surface.
        After a while, Tom and B'Elanna went back to making out by the 
wall.  Apparently I wasn't entertaining enough for them, though I did 
manage to attract the attention of Chakotay and a few others, mostly 
male.  Seven was too busy singing off-key to the gnome, which I still 
couldn't see (though by this point the wall did look like it was 
melting).
        I was dancing so furiously that when I heard the high-pitched 
whine and saw Neelix with a holoimager, it didn't register.  I just 
grinned and looked down at my feet in a pretense of shyness...
        I let out a shrill shriek.  There was a giant black cockroach 
grinning at me and mimicking my dancing motions.  I stepped back to 
avoid dancing on it, but my feet found only air.  I toppled off the 
table, and would have fallen to the floor with a thud had Chakotay not 
rushed to catch me.
        The whine came again, but Chakotay and I were taken over by 
alien energies at that point (at least, that's the official story; 
sometimes we joke about it now and call them fanfic writers-even more 
specifically Sixers, though we're not sure how we arrived at that 
name).  Our eyes locked together, and for a second it was just him and 
I, alone in vacant space watching the stars fly between us.
        Until we heard a shriek and a startling crash behind us.  We 
sprang apart to see what had happened.
        Seven of Nine sat on the floor next to the table, three tears 
rolling down her cheeks.  She held one of her shoes in one hand and the 
broken heel to it in the other.  The Doctor ran over to her. 
        "Seven, are you all right?" he asked, kneeling down next to her 
and checking for broken bones.
        She immediately began to wail.  "David pushed me off the table 
and broke my high-heel!!!"
        The Doctor frowned.  "Who's David?" 
        "The gnome," she replied, pointing to thin air.
        "I think you'd better come with me to Sickbay," the Doctor 
said, his frown deepening.  "You're hallucinating."
        I stared at him.  What sort of animal was the Doctor wearing on 
hi head?  And then I realized.  "Doctor, I'd better come with you.  You 
sprouted an Afro in two seconds."
        "You mean that he didn't just reprogram himself to have a big 
black mustache in five seconds?" Chakotay asked.
        The Doctor stared at us.  "I think the entire senior staff 
should come with us to Sickbay."
        We glanced at him, then, upon realizing for a second time that 
he had hair, followed gladly to Sickbay.
        Once there he scanned us all.  "Well, this is definitely _not_ 
in the Starfleet medical database, but it appears to have similiar 
effects as LSD," he said, putting away his tricorder.
        "Can you fix it?" I replied, warily eyeing the pink flying 
elephant.
        "I believe so.  If you'l just give me a few minutes, I'm sure I 
can come up with something to counter the effects."  The Doctor began 
to fiddle with all his little toys, which looked to me as if they 
belonged in a museum about medieval torture devices.  (Rationally I 
knew that they were 24th century miracle cures, but my eyes saw 13th 
century torture devices.)
        "Good.  I'm just going to wait over here, by the unicorn," I 
said, moving away from the elephant and heading towards the one horned 
beast.
        Tom began giggling.  "This is your captain... this is your 
captain on drugs."  B'Elanna frowned, then began to giggle as well, 
though it was apparent she didn't know why.
        I frowned, and apparently everyone else did too, because Tom 
fumbled to explain.  "It's an old earth thing."
        "Eureka!" the Doctor shouted, and held up a mace.  I backed 
away very slwly, making sure that I was smiling and nodding.  "I've got 
it!"
        "Got what?" Chakotay asked, shifting on his bum and looking 
very confused.
        "If you were half as logical as I am, you would know the answer 
to your question," Tuvok interjected.
        "If I knew the answer, I wouldn't have to ask the question, now 
would I, pointy-ears?"
        "If you two would stop bickering about the ifs and whys of it 
all, perhapsw we could stop the effects of this stuff," I interrupted. 
 "Go on, Doctor."
        "As I was saying, I have got the cure for... whatever it is 
that's ailing you in my very hands."  He administered the drug, very 
quickly.
        "Thank you, Doctor," I said after he injected me with whatever 
it was that cured whatever it was that had ailed me.  "Now, it is time 
that all of us trooped down to the Mess Hall to discover exactly what 
it was that made whatever it was ail us."
        The others nodded in agreement, and so we all trooped down to 
the Mess Hall, tricorders in hand.
        "Hello," Neelix greeted us.  "I didn't expect you-"
        I brushed past him.  "Sorry, Neelix, no time to chitchat.  
We're hunting for whatever it was that ailed us."
        "Oh, I see.  At least, I think-"  He was silenced again by 
Chaktoay and the rest of the senior staff.
        After a few minutes of scanning the punch, I decided that it 
was not whatever it was that had ailed us.  I was about to move onto 
the string zuccini when a shout came up from Harry's direction.
        "Whatever it was that ailed us!  Whatever it was that ailed us! 
 I see whatever it was that ailed us!" he shouted.  I walked over to 
where he stood, next to the remnants of the three layer (well, two 
layer now) chocolate fudge upside down cake.  
        "This is whatever it was that ailed us?" I asked.  
        He nodded and pointed to his tricorder.  "It has the same 
readings that the Doctor gave me to look for."
        I scanned it.  "Well, I guess you're right.  This pot matches 
up with this bowl.  Guess we should have expected it."
        "Oh, why is that?" Chakotay asked.
        "Two reasons.  This was the first three layer chocolate fudge 
upside down cake Neelix had made," I replied.
        "What's the other reason?" Seven asked.
        I grinned.  "Neelix made it."
        "And just what is that supposed to mean?" Neelix raged behind 
me.
        I turned around.  "Uh, nothing.  It's just, you're known to put 
strange things in ordinary foods.  That's all."
        His face turned a purplish orange.  "That is it!  I am sick and 
tired of this crew using me for their own menial purposes and then 
poking fun at me!  I am a living, breathing organism.  I have feelings 
too.  Computer, seal all entrances and exis in and out of the Mess 
Hall, authorization Neelix 1647567151628842467877179354247313."
        The computer beeped, and the doors sealed.
        "Computer, belay that order.  Authorization Janeway Omega 
1235."
        "Unable to comply," the computer monotonously replied.
        Neelix laughed meglomaniacally.  "Hahahaha, you'll never 
escape!  I'll torture you to near death, allow you to recover, then do 
it all over again!  I'll feed you all home-cooked meals made by _me_!"
        A gasp went up from those assembled.  "We have to do 
something," I whispered to Chakotay.
        "But what?" he whispered back.
        I smiled.  "I know.  Just follow my lead."  Loudly, I shouted, 
"Look over there!" and pointed to the wall Seven had thought had been 
melting.  Then, when Neelix's attention was distracted, I grabbed my 
phaser and pointed it at him.
        "What?  Where?" he asked, turning back.  "Oh."
        "Yes, oh.  Now, are you going to play nice and let us out, or 
am I going to have to be naughty and shoot you?" I asked, in a very 
non-threatening/threatening tone.
        Chakotay rubbed my shoulder.  "Ooh, Kathryn, I love it when you 
talk dirty."
        I shrugged him off.  "So, Neelix, you gonna let us out now, or 
what?"
        He thought for a few seconds.  "What...?"
        I shot him.
        And we're still sitting here in the Mess Hall.  We haven't been 
able to get the computer to comply, though Seven has tried assimilating 
it a few times.  And we're still forced to eat Neelix's food, though he 
isn't here to know.  Sometimes I wish that I had shot myself with the 
phaser, but how was I to remember that I had forgotten to charge it up 
the night before and that it had only one shot left in it before it 
died?
        Some people reading this might think, "Well, why not use a 
site-to-site transporter to get out?  Duh."  First of all, while it is 
practical, it doesn't make for a very interesting end to a story.  
Secondly, we didn't think of it until after the ship lost power to Deck 
2.
        So now we sit, in the dark.  But things can get very, _very_ 
interesting in the dark.
        And that is where I shall leave you and say the traditional... 
THE END.