Title: Something Lost, Something Gained Author: Dana Quell Rating: Not Yet Rated Spoilers: The entire story is based upon the events of "Requiem". Knowledge of the mythology episodes would also help. Summary: Seven years after Mulder's disappearance, he shows up on Scully's doorstep and finds that her life has changed drastically, leaving them both to wonder if it still includes him... Disclaimer: Mulder, Scully, Margaret, Skinner, The Lone Gunmen, Covarrubias, Krycek, the Cigarette Smoking Man, the Syndicate, and anyone else I've forgotten to mention does not belong to me. They belong to The Great Surfing Dude, 1013, and Century Fox Entertainment or whatever the hell they are now. Libby does belong to me though... or does she? Scully's baby, acknowledged on the show. So that part belongs to Carter. But her name and her personality as seen here does belong to me. So there. Mr. Carter, if you're reading this (and I severely doubt that), if you wanna argue it, we can go to court and have a custody battle, OK? Geez, when did disclaimers get so complicated? Author's Notes: The name Libby comes from Liban, a Celtic goddes who, in the book I read, is the goddess "of health and earthly pleasures" and is often used for healing. It seemed to fit. Please keep in mind that three asterixes denote a flashback, though the flashbacks are really not in chronological order. Also note that any allusions to how season 8 will play out is probably not the way I think it will. It seems my fingers have ten little minds all of their own (No we don't! Shh! Shut up! Quick, delete it. Too late, it's already been saved! Well, unsave it! Er, pay no attention to the fingers on the keyboard). Email DanaDorito@yahoo.com if you're really interested in how I think it will come to be (all speculations based purely on rumours heard and subject to change). Something Lost, Something Gained By Dana Quell Tomorrow was the seventh anniversary of his disappearance. Tomorrow would be the seventh year she'd lived without him. The fourteenth year since she'd met him. She had known him only a fraction of her life, and he had played a very important part in it anyway. Seven years was a long time to know him. Seven years was a long time to miss him. She had never grieved for anyone the way she grieved for him. Sure, she had grieved for her father and for her sister when they died, but this was different somehow. They hadn't been as deeply intertwined in her present life as he had been. And now all of them were only part of her past. Not the present. The present. A schoolyard just after school was dismissed. That was the present. Not working on the X-Files with him, or even spending time together, just being people. A schoolyard. And he was even connected to that, in some way she didn't understand fully. She felt a tug on her sleeve and looked down. A tiny, freckled face greeted her from amid a wild mane of red hair. "Come on, Mommy. You're going to make us late!" six year old Libby said impatiently, insistently tugging on her mother's sleeve. Dana Scully smiled down at her daughter. She had almost forgotten that she was leaning against her SUV, waiting for Libby. She had been too caught up in the past. she told herself, letting Libby pull her towards the school. She was led past dozens of smiling schoolchildren, some climbing onto school buses and others running towards the person picking them up, as Libby had done with her. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw a girl about Libby's age run towards a man and a woman- her parents. The little family hugged, then strolled smiling to their car, eager to share their day with each other. Dana smiled sadly. She and Libby had done well enough for themselves, but sometimes she wished her daughter could have known her father. she answered herself. She remembered that day well. *** "Dana, I'm moving out to San Diego." "What? Mom, I need you here, in D.C. Why are you moving to San Diego?" Dana asked. She stood in her kitchen, watching her four year old daughter play with her action figures. For some strange reason, Libby had never taken an interest in Barbie dolls like other girls her age. She wanted action figures. "Well, both Charlie and Bill are there with their families, and they've moved high enough within the navy ranks so that they probably won't have to move if they don't want to. I'd like to be near them and my other grandchildren. And it's getting so much harder to fly out there for Christmas every year and come back. I'd like to see them more than once a year." "So you're going to move out there?" There was no answer from her mother. "What will I do with Libby while I'm at work?" "You could always leave her in a day care centre," Maggie Scully offered weakly. "Mom, you're just as against day care centres as I am." "How about moving out with me? We could all be a family again. The entire Scully clan, in one city." Dana smiled briefly. "I don't think San Diego's ready for that. Besides, I couldn't pack up our entire lives and just move out there. Libby's starting school here in the fall, I've got my work on the X-Files, and what if... what if he came back? He wouldn't know where to find me." There was a sharp intake of breath from the other side of the phone line. "Honey, there are schools in San Diego. You could get a job with the bureau there. And, I'm sorry to say this, but if Mulder was going to come back, wouldn't he have done so already? It's been nearly five years, Dana. You've got to stop dwelling in the past. Libby needs you in the present. I need you in the present." "I'll think about it, Mom," Dana replied, though knowing she could never leave DC. There were too many memories centered here, memories of Mulder and the past, that she didn't want to let go of. "Thanks, honey. I've got to go now, but you think on it, ok? I love you." "Love you, too." "Bye." Dana said her goodbyes and hung up the phone, turning her attention back to her daughter. "Who was that, Mommy?" Libby had abandoned her action figures in the middle of a battle in favour of listening in to her mother's conversation. "That was Grandma, sweetie." "What did she say? Did she tell you what she got me for my birthday?" Dana laughed and sat down on the couch. "Libby, your birthday's months away. I don't think she got your present yet." "Oh." Libby was very disappointed. She never looked gift horses in the mouth. "Then what did you talk about?" "Well, she might be moving to San Diego." "That's where Uncle Bill and his family and Uncle Charlie and his family live, right? Can we go too? Do you think they got my presents yet? Are they more action figures?" She smiled sadly at her daughter's words. "No, I don't think they bought your presents yet. And I don't think we'll be moving, either." "Is it because of that man you talk about to Grandma a lot? Muller? Is he gonna come and visit us soon? And maybe bring me a new toy?" "Mulder," Dana corrected gently. "I hope so." Libby tilted her head, trying to figure out what her mother meant. She sounded sad, the four year old decided, and scrambled onto the couch to give her mother a hug. "It's okay, Mommy. He'll be here soon. I know it." Dana looked into her daughter's hazel eyes and realized that her mother was right. Here was a child who knew that her mother was missing someone special from her life- someone who was missing from her own life- and she was trying to comfort her. It was bittersweet. Libby needed her more than Mulder did. Mulder was gone and there was nothing Dana could do to change that. Nothing she could do to regain these past few years. But Libby was here. Libby was now. And what her daughter needed most was to be surrounded by family and be buried underneath piles of action figures and be spoiled to death. That was what Libby needed. That was what they all needed. They might move to San Diego after all. When- if- he came back, he could find her. She would request a transfer of Skinner and continue on with the work in San Diego, and he could follow the paper trail straight to her. He would be able to find her. If he came back. *** Libby was tugging on her sleeve again. "Come on, Mommy. Ms. Sharp said that she really wanted to talk to you." Dana looked around, trying to block the past from her mind for just a half an hour. They were in the empty corridor outside Libby's classroom, where the walls were decorated by student art and the floors a black and white checkerboard. How distracting must that floor be to little kids trying to walk in lines? She imagined them playing checkers while walking to and from the different facilities the school had to offer, the oblivious teacher strolling along at the front. Libby was still tugging insistently. "Libby, if you don't stop tugging on my sleeve, you're going to give me ape arms. Are you trying to turn me into a monkey?" The girl giggled. "I'm not, Mommy! I swear. It's just that we're going to be late." "Ok, well, we wouldn't want to keep your teacher waiting, would we? Lead the way." Dana swept her hand towards the door and bowed to Queen Libby, who giggled again and opened the door with a flourish. A startled Ms. Sharp looked up. She was a thirty-or-so year old woman, with warm brown eyes and auburn hair swept up into a bow. Dana liked her well enough, but Libby seemed to be wary of her for some reason. "Ms. Scully," said Ms. Sharp with a faux smile. "I was beginning to think you were going to be late." "Where would you ever get that idea, Ms. Sharp?" Dana asked back with a smile as equally faux. "Well, you were only late for the last three parent-teacher-student conferences we've had." "I believe I have already explained why I was late. Now, would you care to explain what it's about this time? I have to get home and make dinner." Dana forced the smile to stay on her face. "Very well. Libby has been doodling in class when she should be doing her work. And she hasn't been doodling the flowers that normal girls her age doodle; instead she doodles something like this." Ms. Sharp pulled out a paper confiscated earlier that day and held it for Dana to inspect. It was much better artwork than would be expected of a first grader. Shapes were clearly defined and put into better perspective than most medieval masters. The shapes that Dana could clearly see were all circles and ovals, and one even looked like a smiley face with antennas. "Aliens and ghosts again, Libby?" Dana asked. Libby smiled and nodded. She made a mental note to congratulate her daughter later for being different and creative. "As you can see, Ms. Scully, this is clearly unacceptable. She should not be doodling in class- that's what the designated art time is for." "I agree. Thank you for bringing this to my attention. Was that all?" "Well, yes, but- I assume you'll talk to her about this?" "Of course." Dana flashed the teacher another false smile and, grabbing Libby's hand, walked out of the room. When they were safely in the car, she smiled. "You're a much better artist than I am. I can only draw flowers. Where did you learn to draw aliens like that from?" Libby shrugged as she struggled with her seatbelt. "I don't know. I just thought that's how they should look. Do they really look like that?" "I don't know. Nobody does." Libby nodded and fell silent. After a moment or two, she looked up at her mother, who was immersed in a muddled mess of tangled thoughts about the past, present and future. When their house came into view, Libby spoke up. "Do you think they're really here, Mommy?" Dana's eyebrows came together as she tried to remember what the topic of their conversation had been. "Who?" "The aliens. Do you think they're really here?" Libby never forgot anything. "What do you think?" Dana replied, pulling the car into their driveway and noticing her mother's car already there. Libby scrambled out of the car, her mother following her. "I think so, or else how would Mulder have gone missing?" Dana stopped unpacking the groceries she had picked up before the conference and looked at her daughter. "What do you know about Mulder?" The little girl pressed her lips together. "You talk to Grandma a lot about him. You don't think I hear the things you say, but I do. He's been gone a long time, hasn't he?" "Yes," Dana said softly, taking her daughter's hand with her free one and leading her to the house. "A long time. Nearly seven years." "That's a long time. Longer than I've been alive!" Libby was amazed by the number of years. "Just a little bit longer. Hey, I think Grandma's home. Let's go find out," she replied, changing the subject quickly. Why, after seven years, did it still hurt? a voice inside her mind replied. She smiled bitterly at the thought and thought about how unfair life was. Libby pushed the door open- Maggie rarely locked the door behind her- and ran into the house. Dana smiled at the girl's enthusiasm and walked in behind her. "Mom, we're home," she called to Maggie, walking into the sunlit kitchen and placing the bag of groceries on the counter. "Mom?" Maggie walked to the doorway from the living room slowly. She had that look on her face that Dana had never liked- it was never good news when she had that look. "Mom?" Dana asked, immediately becoming concerned. "What's wrong?" She moved to her mother, but before she could get to her, Maggie stepped into the kitchen. A dark shadow moved into the light behind her. Dana felt the blood drain from her face as she recognized the tall figure. "Mulder?" she whispered. ***