Title: "The Stupid Files"
Author: Dana Quell
Summary: What happens when Stanley Stupid sees a UFO, and
Mulder and Scully come to investigate?

"The Stupid Files"
By Dana Quell

     Stanley Stupid strode through his yard, heading for the
corner where the garbage cans stood, unknowingly being
watched by his cat.  After the time where he followed the
garbage thieves to uncover the government conspiracy and
military men who kidnapped his children, he wasn't about to
take any chances.  After all, was his garbage not his own?
     He reached the curb and stopped, taking the trash bags
from their containers.  Suddenly bright lights surrounded
him, and he was being lifted from the ground.  Stanely had no
idea where they had come from, or where they were taking him,
but he was calm, since he had in fact taken on the evil Mr.
Sender three years ago.  He could handle this, whatever it
was.
     There were beings all around him now, little grey things
that he thought kind of cute.  His opinion of them changed,
however, when he found himself strapped to a cold metal slab,
buck naked.  They were coming toward him with some sharp
pointy things, and once they poked him with the instruments,
he screamed in agony.
     Miles below Stanley Stupid, the one witness to his
disappearance sighed, then turned to take one hell of a
catnap.

*****

     The road wound long before the two, seemingly forever.
The woman, a redhead, questioned her partner, as usual.
     "Mulder, why do we have the case if it's a missing
persons?" she asked.
     Her partner, Agent Fox Mulder, turned to her from the
driver's seat.  "Because his wife, Joan, claims that he was
abducted by a UFO."
     "Of course," the woman replied, turning her attention to
the scenery flying by.  Soon the desolate highway changed
into scattered houses, and scattered houses changed to a
suburban development.
     "Hey, Scully," Mulder said to her upon pulling up to the
house listed on the report.  "Is this part of that normal
life you were talking about?"
     Dana Scully turned to him, blue eyes smiling.  "Not if
it means the husband being abducted by aliens."
     Mulder smiled, then stepped out of the car.  "This is
the place, Scully."
     She got out of the car, then followed him up the walkway
to the house, not noticing the partially melted mailbox which
read "The Stupids".
     Mulder rang the doorbell, and a small girl dressed in a
big skirt held by crinoline came to the door.  "Hello," he
said.
     "Hello," she replied.  "What do you want?"
     Mulder flashed his badge.  "Can you get your mother for
us, please?"
     The girl nodded.  "Mom!" she shouted.  The sounds of
running could be heart throughout the house, and a younger
boy poked his head through the door.
     "Ooh, who is it, Petunia?" the boy, who looked like a
miniature version of a used cars salesman, asked.
     She turned to him, skirts swirling.  "It's two FBI
agents, looking for Mom."
     "What do they want with her?" he asked.
     She shrugged.  "I don't know, Buster, maybe they plan on
kidnapping her like they did Dad."
     Buster's jaw opened and hung there for a few seconds
while he gazed at the two federal agents, then he ran back
inside the house.  Petunia followed him.
     Scully and Mulder glanced at each other, then at the
open door.  A woman, wearing a dress similiar to Petunia's,
came to it.
     "May I help you?" she asked, looking at them.
     Mulder flashed his ID.  "Agents Mulder and Scully, FBI.
Are you Joan Stupid?" he asked.  Scully raised her eyebrow at
the last name, but didn't say anything.
     The woman nodded.  "Yes, I'm Joan Stupid.  You're the
FBI agents the Bureau sent?"
     Scully nodded.  "That's us."
     Joan stepped from the door opening.  "Please, come in."
Mulder and Scully glanced at each other, then walked into the
house, the white wash door shutting behind them.