Smarty Pants

<body topmargin=0 leftmargin=0 marginheight=0 marginwidth=0><script type="text/javascript" src="http://hb.lycos.com/hb.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript" src="http://ratings.lycos.com/ratings/lycosRating.js.php"></script> <script type="text/javascript"><![CDATA[//><!]]></script> <script type="text/javascript" src="http://scripts.lycos.com/catman/init.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript" src="http://members.tripod.com/adm/ad/code-start.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript" src="http://members.tripod.com/adm/ad/code-middle.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript" src="http://members.tripod.com/adm/ad/code-end.js"></script> <noscript> <img src="http://members.tripod.com/adm/img/common/ot_noscript.gif?rand=62387" alt="" width="1" height="1" />  <iframe frameborder="0" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no" width="728" height="90" src="http://ad.yieldmanager.com/st?ad_type=iframe&ad_size=728x90&section=209094"></iframe>  </noscript> <table cellpadding=0 cellspacing=0 border=0><tr> <td valign="top" colspan=2 height=125 BGCOLOR="#996699" TEXT="#080000" bgproperties="fixed" background="040467d1erlcll.gif"> <div> <FONT SIZE="5" COLOR="#FFFFFF" FACE="Arial" ><B>2001: The Beginning of the 21st Century and the Third Millennium</b></FONT><B>     </b><B>|     </b><A HREF="index.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="2001: The Beginning of the 21st Century "><U><B>home</b></U></A></div> <div> <B>Smarty Pants</b></div> <div> </div> </td> </tr><tr> <td valign="top" width=190 BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" TEXT="#080000"> <div> <B><IMG SRC="071a7440.gif" border=0 width="167" height="68" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></b></div> </td> <td valign="top" height=355 BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" TEXT="#080000"> <div> Smarty Pants</div> <div> <B>Smarty-pantses spoil millennium fun</b></div> <bR> <div> <B>By Eileen Mitchell</b></div> <bR> <div> San Francisco Examiner</div> <bR> <div> SAN RAMON, Calif. — Despite the big hoopla over the next New Year's Eve, I am now fully aware that the new millennium doesn't actually begin until 2001.</div> <div> "Because the Western calendar starts with Year 1, and not Year 0, the 21st century and the third millennium do not begin until Jan. 1, 2001," explained the science-fiction writer Arthur C. Clarke.</div> <div> Hey, if you can't trust Artie, who wrote "2001: a Space Odyssey," who can you trust?</div> <div> But this fact has also been stated repeatedly through frequent letters to newspapers. These are letters from obviously brilliant people eager to let the rest of us dim bulbs know how stupid we are when we refer to the year 2000 as the new millennium.</div> <div> They don't care that the rest of the world is caught up in millennium fever or that we are excited because we will soon get to write a 2 instead of a 1. They don't care that we want to party.</div> <div> We know who these people are.</div> <div> They're Smarty-pantses.</div> <div> We met them in pre-school. They were the 4-year-olds who snitched to their classmates that there's no such thing as the Easter Bunny or Tooth Fairy. At Christmas they were the kids who yanked on Santa's beard and announced in a loud know-it-all voice that Santa was just a mythological figure based on the life of St. Nicholas, a Turkish man from the 4th century who was recognized for his generosity to the poor.</div> <div> At Halloween these kids always chose practical costumes like nurses or cops. Dare suggest a Mr. Spock or Yoda costume and they would wrinkle their little noses and snort with contempt: "Puhleeze, those characters are just make-believe!"</div> <div> Generally recognized as killjoys the world over, Smarty-pantses are easily identified the minute they open their mouths.</div> <div> Dare to wish upon a shooting star in the presence of a Smarty-pants, and you will quickly be informed that a shooting star is nothing but a gassy, fiery streak in the sky produced by the passage of a meteor.</div> <div> And from Thanksgiving dinner, that turkey wishbone? The remnant of an innocent animal slaughtered for a holiday that wrongly celebrates intruders who took over the land of an indigenous people.</div> <div> Have you ever experienced that eerie feeling of deja vu? It isn't evidence of reincarnation, a Smarty-pants will explain with a roll of the eyes. It's merely a synchronization of thought waves produced by synapses that have simply preceded the actual event.</div> <div> As for astrology, don't even hint about your horoscope.</div> <div> Smarty-pants will explain that astrology is the fraudulent attempt of conniving hucksters to interpret the influence of the heavenly bodies on human affairs. </div> <div> On Dec. 31, Smarty-pantses the world over will be sitting on their sofas or watching videos. Maybe they'll tune in to Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve — but only to observe all those fools celebrating the wrong occasion.</div> <div> "The third millennium starts next year!" they'll smugly say to no one in particular.</div> <div> The rest of us will dance in the streets and wish on a star, rejoicing in what we perceive to be a momentous event. And glad that Smarty-pants stayed home. </div> <bR> <div> <I>Eileen Mitchell is a free-lance writer in San Ramon, Calif.</I></div> <bR> <div> As reported by <A HREF="http://deseretnews.com/dn/view/1,1249,115007825,00.html?" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://deseretnews.com/dn/view/1,1249,11"><U>deseretnews.com</U></A> 9 September 1999</div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="index.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="2001: The Beginning of the 21st Century "><U>Back to Home Page</U></A></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> </td> </tr></table></body>