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   Pixie86
  Pixie86's profile

  about me
 
    I am a 41 year old mom of three and grandmother of three boys. I have been diagnosed with BIPOLAR DISORDER. Bipolar Disorder is a new name for Manic-Depressive. Sometimes,I can be so far up in the clouds that I just don't want to come down! For me, it is a natural high and I love that part of this disorder.When I am manic,I can do ANYTHING! But,I know that sooner or later, that mania will turn to depression; the deepest, darkest pit of hell.
I have also been diagnosed with BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER, which is to say that I have issues that I was not taught to deal with at the appropriate age. For example, trusting others, feelings of abandonment, feelings of unworthiness and so on.

I realize that these disorders sound frightening, in and of themselves. The DISORDER can be frightening, even for me. However, with the proper treatment,stability can be achieved. I am looking forward to that stability in my life. Please realize that I AM NOT THE DISORDER. IT DOES NOT define me as a person.I am just like anyone else, I hurt, I feel, I love, I dislike,I cry. These are difficult disorders to have. There is much stigma still attached to anything we, as a society do not understand. In my own way,I am trying to alleviate some of that stigma.

I realize that these disorders are not easy to live with or to understand. For more information, please check out these web sites:

www.windsofchange.com/
www.slshealth.com
www.tripod.com/pod_central/pods/mentalhealth/

All of these have great information on each disorder.
I MAY HAVE THE DISORDER, BUT IT DOESN'T HAVE ME!!!

I am also a collector of pigs and piglets. I have a huge assortment and array of them.

One of my boys, Micah, 10, has been diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis, which is a genetic disease and the number one killer of children.Cystic Fibrosis is often confused with other diseases, such as Muscular Dystrophy or Multiple Sclerosis. Cystic Fibrosis is inherited by a recessive gene that BOTH parents must have. It effects the exocrine glads which normally produce thin, slippery secretions, including mucous, sweat, tears, saliva and digestive juices. In a child with Cystic Fibrosis, these glands, instead produce thick mucous causing many lung infections,digestive problems creating a breeding ground for lung infections.The normal lifespan of a child with CF USED TO BE 10 years.BUT!!!
There is hope!!!!!! Many people are living into their 30's and 40's and some into their 70's. Much research still has to be done. For more information on Cystic Fibrosis check out the CYSTIC-L website or the ConnColl cysticfibrosis website.Micah is lucky to have a friend, Aaron who is neither afraid of CF nor the treatments. For this, I am glad.

My other son,David,who is 12, fights with bouts of depression at times. But, he is a great inspiration to me with his wisdom, his patience and his guidance for me when I am ill.His best friend, Rafael is able to help him laugh even when he doesn't want to. He is a fortunate young man.

I have a daughter, Amanda, 24 who has blessed me with three children of her own: Christian, 6 1/2, Aaron, 1 1/2 years and Jason,6 months.She has never been any trouble-except for those fun teenage years! Heather, her best friend and my "adopted daughter", has stuck by her through thick and thin since they were both 10 years old! Heather now has her own daughter.
In spite of broken relationships, relationships that were not to be for one reason or another, I am blessed with these children . Who knows, maybe I'll find the right one yet before time runs out for me!

I will be able to find my way out of the bipolar/borderline disorder soon. At the very least, being stability would be a good thing!!! It would be a very good good thing! : )


  your picture here

FAMILY

Currently, even though I am
divorced from my husband,
Stephen, who has a "direct
pipeline to God". He is a very
good man.I still live with
him and my boys, David
and Micah.I live with him
because he has been with me
through thick and thin with
this bipolar and borderline
personality thing and tries
his best to help me.(He's
probably the only one who
could put up with me!!!!LOL
I also live with them because
I can't afford my own place yet!!! (how's that for honesty???!!!)

My dogs, Allie, Angel and
Hussien also live with us,
although outdoors for the
most part!(read all the
time here!) Allie is my
dog and has been a lifesaver
for me. She knows when
something is wrong and gently
stays with me till it is over.
She loves to go for rides in
the car with me and she is
spoiled. I lavish the same
love and affection on her as
I would my children.(Well, almost!)

My boys, however, frustrating
at times, are my joys.They are
both my counselors although I
have a a competent therapist
as well. Children sometimes
have a way of seeing things
the way we can't.They are
sometimes wiser than their
years and pass on that knowledge
to me. I appreciate that.
I need that.



FRIENDS

I have only a couple of good
friends,both named Sandy.
Because they are both Sandy's
we have to label them "Saline
Sandy" and "Looney Sandy".
Looney Sandy was fondly named
because she and I met in the
hospital. They are near and
dear to me and I know that I
can trust them with anything.
That's a good,but different
feeling for me.Trust is hard to
come by. It must be earned.
For the most part, I am not a
trusting individual and isolate
myself from most people.
Sometimes, when i am feeling
strong,I will venture out,
but seems to lead to the inevitable. Mistrust.I want to learn to change
that. I hope someday soon, I can.

I could not make a web page without
thanking the folks of the Winds Of
Change.They sure have helped me
an awful lot.I owe alot to those
folks.


 
hobbies

I love to read. There is nothing
like a true murder . The problem
with those is that i would finish
them too soon!!! I write poetry
and used to be a stringer for a
small newspaper.Wish I could do
that again. But,I moved and had
to quit. : (
I like to cook
(when I'm in the mood!!) and
love crossword puzzles. I have
not gone horseback riding in
ages, but that is my favorite
thing in the world!
The feeling of freedom
that I feel from riding is a
feeling I have not experienced
since I was a child!


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