By Elie A. Shneour

Senator John Glenn has just returned to earth from a sojourn around it in a spacecraft, if the lying press is to be believed. But more to the point, all these claims about having gravity on earth, but none while whizzing aboard the shuttle, is making my head spin, if you see what I mean. I think it is about time we Americans challenged all those confused and godless scientists who are telling us what to think, with the world going to pot in the process. But why stop at the theory of evolution ? There are so many other scientific claims, dogmas, laws and theories, to straighten out, so why not go the whole hog, as it were?

Take the so-called Law of Gravity, for instance. I have had my doubt about it all along, and so should you. Scientists arrogantly insist that it be taught, now get this, not even as a theory, but as a law. I suspect that it is just an increasingly questionable hypothesis at best. The great theoretical physicist and Nobel laureate Einstein worked for years on it and yet never managed to explain gravity satisfactorily. And scientists still do not agree among themselves about what gravity is and how it works. When pressed, scientists will admit that gravity does not work right in astronomical black holes, and will conceal their ignorance by throwing out all kinds of fancy words to impress you. They will tell you about such things as phase space, field theory, Schwartzchild radius and gravitons to make it appear that they know what they are talking about. But we are not so easily fooled, right?

And if there really was a Law of Gravity, why would the Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) insist that you fasten your airplane seat belt when taking off and landing? Even a small child knows that it is to prevent you from falling off the seat, and not from falling into it, as would be the case if there really was a Law of Gravity. Those who insist on keeping the Law of Gravity on the books are misguided, unpatriotic secular humanists who belong to powerful political action committees and large corporations who stand to profit by it, make no mistake about that!

Elevator manufacturers are an example of how greedy these types are. If they did not imposing the Law of Gravity on all of us, elevators would be unnecessary and one could climb to the top of a tall building in nothing flat and without effort. No need to waste energy to make electricity for this useless make-work device. Then there are the ceramic and glass producers. Without the Law of Gravity no one would break plates, cups or glasses by dropping them, and the only way to keep these manufacturers in business would be somehow to encourage family disputes. This, of course, would never do and would further damage the fabric of our society, already in the clutches of Satan.

For these obvious and many other reasons we don't have the space to get into, it is now more imperative than ever that people of good will follow up on the distinguished trail being blazed by those who courageously challenge the teaching of evolution in our schools. They should now go on to seek the outright ban of the so-called Law of Gravity, and insure that the teaching of the Law of Gravity be forbidden, and all references to it obliterated from physics textbooks. Obviously other worthies would have to follow suit, including some intrepid members of Congress, with the encouragement and support of enlightened members of the American people.

Repeal of the Law of Gravity could only be considered a first step in the strengthening of morality in the United States, enhancing the country's competitive advantage in international trade for years to come. It would make it easier to get diplomas and degrees without pesky examination questions about gravity. It could be followed in short order by legislation making it mandatory to convert lead into gold, water into gasoline, polluted air into oxygen, and the many other things this country really needs to retain its prime technological and scientific position in the modern world.

-------

The author is Director of the Biosystems Research Institute in San Diego, a Fellow of the CSICOP, the former Chairman of the Southern California Skeptics, and a founding member of SDARI. This article is copyright 1998 by Elie A. Shneour