Our hero, Captain Thaddeus T. Slurk sits alone at the bar, sipping his drink of beer and lemon juice. He stares into the glass, gently swirling the beer.
"Not in much of a drinking mood tonight, ay Thad?" asked the bartender, Z.Z. Zork.
"Not really," replied Slurk, "I just don't feel like I deserve to have all this good stuff around me."
"What are you talking about?" exclaimed Zork, "You just saved the frigging galaxy from the evil Robotussin Empire. You kicked their butts all the way back across the universe. You made it safe for little old ladies to drive to the nearest quasar without having to worry about some slimy Robotussin mugging her. You should be proud!"
"I don't know, Zork." replied Slurk as he lowered his head.
"Oh come on man, you are a hero! You even got a toy doll named after you!" explained Zork.
"Action figure." interrupted Slurk, as he tipped his glass up to his mouth, "It's a frickin action figure, not a doll."
"Whatever," continued Zork, "Anyway, man, you have restored peace to the Ford Galaxy, you really should be proud."
Slurk slammed his glass on the bar and shouted, "What good is peace to a hero? A hero is obsolete during peaceful times!"
"Ok man, chill out! Here, have a refill, it's on the house." said Zork as he poured another beer into Slurk's glass.
"I shouldn't be sitting here, doing nothing... I should be out there, warping around, whooping bad guys." said Slurk as he waved his hand toward the ceiling.
"But there aint no more bad guys to whoop, not sense you kicked them Robotussins!" said Zork.
"Yeah, but they weren't nothing, it was too easy." said Slurk as he downed his drink.
Suddenly the door to the bar opened and in walked 2 inter galactic police. Everyone grew quite, turning their backs to the uniformed police.
The police walked up to the bar and stood beside Slurk.
"Are you Captain Thaddeus T. Slurk?" asked one of them.
Before Slurk could say anything, Zork shouted, "Hey you guys cant hassle anyone in here, I've paid my protection money to the cops!"
The cop looks over at Zork, frowns, then turns back to Slurk.
"Are you Thaddeus T. Slurk?"
Slurk, who was getting quite drunk by now, turned and said, "What if I am?"
"We have a warrant for your arrest." replied the cop.
"You aint taking me alive!" shouted Slurk as he stumbled off his bar stool and fell to the floor.
"Hey!" shouted Zork, as he pulled a photon blaster gun from under the bar, "I said I have paid up."
Suddenly the other cop, who had been silent so far, pulled out a small ball with blinking lights, and held it out in front of him. "This is a photomat grenade. If I release this button, everything on the low flying cloud, including this rat hole of a bar, will be disintegrated!" he said.
"Hee hee..." chuckled Zork, as he put the gun back under the counter,
"I guess my insurance didn't cover this.."
He then leaned over the bar and looked down at Slurk, who was lying on the floor. "I guess you better go with these guys, Thad. Stop in and see me when you get out of prison."
The one cop put the photomat grenade back in his pocket. Then both of the cops grabbed Slurk and picked him up.
Slurk woke up as he was being dragged to the door. "Hey!" he shouted, "Are you guys arresting me or something?"
"Yes." replied one of the cops.
"Well, what did I do? What is the charge?" asked Slurk.
"You have been charged for kidnapping an android." said the cop.
Zork dropped a glass he had started to wipe clean. "Oh my God." he said, "Kidnapping androids is punishable by death!!!"
"Who was I supposed to have kidnapped?" asked Slurk.
"Your former First Suckup, Loopi 9!" exclaimed the cop.
***To Be Continued**