Hey, cool disclaimer: These characters are mine; all mine I tell you! [Insert maniacal laughter worthy of a grade B movie.] No similarity to anyone intended, but it might have snuck past me. You know how sneaky those similarities are.
Love/Sex: Well, I guess you could say someone falls in love during the course of the story, but itís more implied than anything. Sex is definitely apparent and frequent. Oh, yeah, and graphic. Canít leave that out.
Language: Well, I tried to use pictographs, but I got stumped trying to draw Ďisí, so I had to give up. Boy, if my mom read this, sheíd make me wash my hands off with soap. I really had potty fingers. If you donít like swearing, what the h*** are doing reading this d*** son of a b*****ing sh**?!
Authorís Note: I have no idea where this came from. The opinions held by the characters in this story probably donít reflect mine. Honest.
Iíd also like to thank my beta reader for all the great suggestions, including my pen name.
I hate stories where the author spends myriad pages carefully detailing the courtship of two characters right down to how many times Character A pisses while getting up the nerve to ask Character B to the prom or whatever the hell their first date is. Then, when they finally screw, itís about two pages before the end and briefly described using the stupidest euphemisms ever invented. Or worse yet, the whole fade-to-black thing. I hate that! Especially in books. After reading three hundred goddamn pages of set up, I want at least ten pages of wild sex. Thatís what I like about porn -- no wading through wussy romantic shit. My idea of romance is askiní a chick how she is after I bang her brains out. Remember this, you wussy freaks -- chicks might profess to want romantic dinners and flowers, but when it really comes down to it, all a chick really wants is to be banged until she canít see by a stud who really knows what he/she is doing. And Iím that stud.
But I have a sensitive side. I can do that gallant crap chicks seem to dig. Hell, I even cried when I watched Bambi.
I met this chick last night at that little dyke dive over on Tenth, you know, the one the cops are always stakiní out, lookiní for drug dealers and other scum. I was lookiní for a little of the rough stuff -- the chicks there dig kinky shit. I donít go there too often because most of Ďem are into some seriously freaky shit. I picked up this one chick that wanted me to toss her over a closet rod and beat her ass with a tennis racquet while screaminí obscenities at her in pig Latin. I got my ass outta there real quick. I still wonder how she discovered that got her off. Can you imagine her first lover turning to her one day and sayiní, "Judy, you know I love you, right?" Judy, haviní no idea whatís cominí, of course says sheís aware of that little fact and says she loves her too. Her lover says "can we try something a little different today?" Judy agrees, still clueless. "Iíd like lay you across the rod in our closet while I beat your ass with the tennis racquet you bought me for Christmas, even though itís my older sister who plays tennis, not me, and practice my obscene pig Latin. You donít mind, do you?" Well, Judy doesnít have the brains God gave a gnat, and agrees. The next thing she knows, sheís haviní goddamn multiple Oís and loviní every minute of it. Me, Iím happy with the occasional game of Ďwhoís your daddy?í
Anyway, Iím cruisiní the bar, siziní up a brunette in the corner who has potential, when I hear a high pitched female scream. It sounds honestly scared, not like the mock screams that are so common in a joint like that. I look around and donít see anything, so I go outside. Five huge guys are surroundiní a little blonde and she looks scared to death. I may be a crude jackass, but I donít take whatís not freely given, and I donít hit women or children. I even watch my language around kids and classy broads. Those cretins didnít do any of that. So I beat the shit outta all of them and made the conscious ones apologize to the lady. And she *was* a lady. Suit and all. You know those porno flicks that start with some executive chick strippiní for some workiní class stud, or her secretary or whatever? Well, she was dressed kind of like that, only classier.
I ask her how she is, actiní like my mama taught me somethiní (which she did). Sheís shaken up, but unhurt. We introduce ourselves, she thanks me, and I ask if thereís anyone that sheíd like me to call for her. There isnít, so I invite her back to my place. She agrees.
At this point, I had no intention of screwiní her. I mean; the poor woman was almost raped. She didnít need some horny SOB makiní advances. Now, I ainít sayiní Iíd say no if *she* made a pass; I just wasnít goiní to make the first move. Frankly, I was hopiní she would.
We get to my place, Iím playiní Suzy Hostess, and sheís all grateful and gracious. We get to talkiní and one thing leads to another and I have a lapful of beautiful, horny blonde. She has the softest damn lips Iíve ever kissed and Iíve kissed more women than Wilt Chamberlain. (Screwed more, too.) She kisses me like itís the last chance sheíll ever have -- rough and hungry and deep. She shoves her tongue in my mouth and after thirty seconds knows it better than I do. Iím more excited than I can remember ever beiní and Iím ready to promise her anything if sheíll just bang me. I have never, ever begged a woman for anything. I never even begged my mama for a toy as a little kid. But sheís makiní me feel like Iíll die if she doesnít make me cum soon.
"Please, baby, please," I hear a breathless voice plead, and I realize itís me. Sheís moved her kisses to my neck, and I know sheís leaviní marks, brandiní me as hers, and I donít give a shit. Still another new sensation -- chicks donít give me hickeys; I give chicks hickeys. Iím sittiní there, lettiní some chick treat me like a chick. I *still* donít believe it.
"Oh, god, that feels *so* good. Bite my tits," I beg. She complies, chewiní my knockers like theyíre that ropey shit in steak that takes a hacksaw and an act of God to cut and sheís at a company dinner and canít spit it out. I sure as hell ainít complaininí. Jesus, Iím about ready to offer to buy a tennis racquet. Iíll even call her daddy.
The next thing I know, weíre naked in my bed, and sheís doiní things to my cunt with her tongue that would make an atheist get religion. I donít remember gettiní up or strippiní and I donít give a damn *how* it happened. All I know is Iím cominí so hard I damn near pass out.
"Jesus! If Iíd known how great gettiní eaten was, Iíd have let chicks do it years ago. Is doiní it just as fun?" I found myself askiní after pulliní her into my arms a few minutes later. Yet another new sensation. I donít hold the chicks I screw. I donít like being touched.
She lifts up and stares at me in disbelief. "Youíve never had oral sex?!"
I blush and scowl defensively. "I donít want to get a disease, and I never let chicks touch me."
She settles back into my shoulder, but not before I see the pleased grin. Shit! I just let a chick know sheís special. Oh, hell. Sheís not a chick and I know it. Sheís a woman. If you donít know the difference, I ainít explaininí it to you. And she is special. Anyone who can make me feel like an inexperienced chick is special.
All this emotional shit is makiní me uneasy, so I shift her onto her back and kiss her gently. She seems into it, so I settle in for some serious kissiní. I think Iíve said her lips are incredibly soft. Shit, I could kiss her forever and never get tired of it. Iím gettiní so damn turned on I canít stand it. I kiss her hungrily as I drop my left hand to say hi to her left tit. Her tits are medium sized and the skin around the nipple (I can never remember what itís called) is unusually silky, even when aroused. Once I discover this, I abandon her lips to examine her tits more closely. I really love tits. I take one into my mouth happily. God, it tastes so damn good. Her tits are even better than her lips.
I donít even hear her moan at first; Iím so deep in Tit Nirvana. I also fail to notice the small hands in my hair, trying to force more tit in my mouth. I do hear her scream my name. I stop sucking in surprise.
"Shit, donít stop! Donít ever stop!" She begged.
Being the obliging person I am, I resume worshippiní at the nipple altar. I switch to see if the other one tastes as good as the first one. It does. She keeps moaniní and begginí me not to stop. My ego does the happy dance along with my mouth. I have never enjoyed a pair of tits so much in my life. I make her cum twice more before sheís had enough. Iíve never seen anyone cum just from having their tits sucked, let alone multiples. I pull her into my arms again. I think I could get to like this cuddliní thing. Itís not half bad.
I wake in the middle of the night to gentle suckiní on my tits. I sleepily run my hand through her soft blonde hair. She slips one hand between my thighs and gently caresses my cunt until I cum. It was completely unlike anything I had ever done. My normal style is hard, fast, and with non-factory issued equipment. I have never spent the night with a chick. I leave while sheís still quiveriní from her last orgasm. And I never bring chicks home. What the hell is wrong with me? I fall asleep before cominí to any conclusions.
When I wake again, itís not quite dawn. Iím holdiní her in my arms like I give a shit. She is one hell of a beautiful woman, and I canít resist kissiní her sleep slack cheek. I wonder if itís okay to wake her up by screwiní her. I guess so since she did. I hope this morniní after shit ainít as bad as Iíve heard.
I wake her with gentle kisses on her neck and light caresses to her arms. She wakes slowly, stretchiní with almost feline grace. (God, now Iím even thinkiní like a chick.)
"Morniní, darliní," I drawl in my sexiest voice, which is pretty damn sexy. Ask all the notches on my bedposts. Well, actually, I had to stop notchiní the damn things years ago. Now I just keep tally in a 3" binder.
"Good morning. That feels good," she murmurs.
"I can make it feel even better, darliní," I drawl again. Chicks really like that, yíknow.
"Iím sure you can," she purrs. Oh, yeah. Iím gonna enjoy this.
I begin with rolliní her on her back. I kiss those incredible lips of hers softly, then with increasiní passion. Shit, it feels *so* damn good! I suck her earlobe like a damn jawbreaker. Then I chew on her tits like she did mine last night, but I stop after a few seconds. I gotta find out if eatiní a chick is as fun as gettiní eaten. I donít think I savor the trip down quite as much as I oughta, but Iím in a hurry. Iím about to cum from pure excitement and from the way sheís moaniní my name, she ainít far behind.
Sonuvabitch! I cum at the first taste. Shit, itís indescribable. Iím moaniní like a chick into her cunt and sheís cumminí like I spent an hour dickiní her. Shit, I canít keep up with the flow of cum from her cunt. Sheís screaminí my name loud enough to be heard in Australia. By a damn deaf man.
I rest my head on her thigh for a few minutes to catch my breath. *Shit*, that was intense! Damn, I gotta do that a lot more often. Curiously, I lift my head and look at her cunt. Iíve never really looked at a real one close up before. Iíve seen a shit load of pictures and flicks, but they donít compare with the live version. Tentatively, I explore with my tongue. I try to be gentle since sheís probably still sensitive from cumminí. Sweet Jesus! This has to be heaven. Nothiní could compare to this. So hot, so wet, so damn delicious. I bring both of us off again within a few moments.
I donít know if I fall asleep or pass out. All I know is I open my eyes a couple hours later and Iím alone. I look on the bedside table and see a note. My heart sinks. It reads: "Thank you for a wonderful evening. Iíll call you."
So here I sit, stariní at the phone and waitiní. Itís just a matter of time. Chicks canít resist me, yíknow.