Beat The Time
skit from 1973 with Cookie Monster (Frank Oz)
and Guy Smiley (Jim Henson)
parody of the game show "Beat The Clock"
Announcer: And now it's time for everyone's favorite wacky stunt show .... Beat (drums) .... The Time!! (cuckoo)
And now, here's your host Guy Smiley!!
Guy: Thank you, thank you! Welcome to Beat The Time, the fun fun game where everybody has lots of fun.
And now let's meet our first contestant, Mr. Cookie Monster from Sesame Street!
Cookie Monster: Hi Guy!
Guy: Now are you ready for your wacky stunt?
Cookie Monster: Me no know. If me do it, what me win?
Guy: You will win a cookie!
Cookie Monster: A cookie? (Grabs Guy)
Guy: Yes. Let go of me, Cookie Monster. Now all you have to do ... listen closely ...
Cookie Monster: Yeah, me listening.
Guy: ... is to find three things, that's three things! ...
Cookie Monster: Three things!
Guy: ... that rhyme with the word rain.
Cookie Monster: Three things that rhyme with word rain!
Guy: You got it! But you have to do it before the arrow on our clock reaches zero.
Cookie Monster: Ho-ho!
Guy: So, on your mark, get set, GO!!!! (clock starts ticking)
Cookie Monster: When do me start?
Guy: YOU START NOW!!! GO GO!!
Cookie Monster: OHHH OHHH! (runs off)
Guy: Can he do it, Cookie Monster has to find three things, that's three things, that rhyme with the word rain.
Cookie Monster: (running back with a cane) CANE!!!!
Guy: Wonderful! Wonderful! You've found one thing that rhymes with the word rain, now you've gotta find 2 more.
(Cookie runs off again)
Elderly gentleman (running in): Hey! A big blue monster just stole my cane!
Guy (pushing man off the stage): Listen we're doing a television program here, you have to get off the stage ...
Gentleman: Are you Guy Smiley?
Guy: Yes, but you gotta get off the stage, we're playing the game here ...
Gentleman: Is this Beat The Time?!
Guy: Yes, but we're playing the game and Cookie Monster has to find two more things that rhyme with the word rain!
Cookie Monster: (running back in with chain) CHAIN!
Guy: Wonderful, wonderful! That's two things that rhyme with the word rain!
Cookie Monster: Me go find one more thing! (runs off)
Guy: (holding chain) One more thing you gotta find. What's at the end of this chain?
(Frazzle is attached to the chain and growls)
Guy: (pushing Frazzle) Listen, I'm sorry you have to get off the stage. Get Off! Get off! Get off!
Cookie Monster: Guy! Guy!
Cookie Monster: Me no can find anything!
Guy: You gotta find something!
Cookie Monster: Maybe behind you?
Guy: No, you can't look behind me!
Cookie Monster: What rhyme with rain? *ding*
Guy: Think of something!
Cookie Monster: Me got it! (runs off)
Guy: Yeah? What can he do? His time is running out. There's only a few seconds left. Can he do it in time?
(train bell begins ringing)
Guy: Wait a minute. What's that sound? It can't be! It sounds like!!!!
(train crashes through the set)
Guy: AHHHHHHH! Oh no!!!
Cookie Monster: (with conductor's scarf and cap on) TRAIN! Train rhyme with rain ... Me win cookie!
Guy: Ha! You certainly do! Here's your cookie, Cookie Monster.
Blue headed train conductor: Hey Hey! You took my choo-choo train!
Guy: Will you get this train outta here?!
Elderly Gentleman: Can I have an autograph, Mr. Smiley?
(Frazzle begins chasing Guy)
Train conductor: All aboard! All out for Chico and Cook-a munga! Don't crowd, don't push ... Get off the train, all of ya get off!
Transcribed by the timely Don Murphy
Available on the 3-DVD Set
Sesame Street - Old School, Vol. 1 (1969-1974) (2006)