Bert and Ernie's Other Blackout
a skit starring Bert (Frank Oz) and Ernie (Jim Henson)
(Scene: Bert and Ernie's bedroom at night. Bert is asleep, but Ernie's sitting up and looking around.)
Ernie: Bert? Bert, it's dark.
Bert (rolls over): Ernie, did you wake me up just to tell me it's dark?
Ernie: Yeah, Bert, it's really dark.
Bert: Well, of course it's dark, Ernie. It's supposed to be dark. It's night out.
Ernie: No, Bert, I mean it's really dark. (Goes to the window.) See, the lights are all out on Sesame Street.
Bert (goes to the window): Hey, you're right, Ernie, it's really dark. I wonder why it's so dark ... Oh, I know what it is.
Ernie: Why is it so dark, Bert?
Bert: It's probably a blackout.
Ernie: Well, what's a blackout, Bert?
Bert: Well ... well, that's when the electric company has a breakdown, and then all the lights go out, 'cause you need electricity for lights. But they're probably trying to fix it, so just go to bed, Ernie. Nothing to do about it. (Goes back to bed.)
Ernie (pauses, still standing by the window): Bert ... are you scared of the dark, Bert?
Bert (sleepily): No, Ernie, I'm not scared of the dark.
Ernie (goes to Bert's bed after another pause and starts tapping him): Bert ... Bert? As long as it's a blackout, Bert, how about we watch television?
Bert (irritated): Ernie ... (Sits up in bed.) Stop hitting me, Ernie! (Ernie stops.) Let me tell me you something. You can not watch television, because television needs electricity. And we don't have any electricity because of the blackout. So just go to sleep, Ernie. (Lies down.)
Ernie (starts shaking Bert after another pause): How about we listen to the radio, Bert?
Bert (sitting up): Ernie, it's the same thing with the radio! The radio needs electricity, just like the TV set. And we have no electricity because of the blackout. So just please GO TO SLEEP! (Lies down and gives his famous "Aaaaaaahhhh!" Starts mumbling to himself.) First the television set, then the radio, and I need to get some sleep.
Ernie: (shaking Bert after still another pause): How 'bout ... how 'bout we listen to a record? We could turn on the record player, Bert.
Bert (sitting up, thoroughly exasperated by now): Ernie! You can't listen to a record because the record player needs electricity, just like the TV set and the radio, AND THERE'S A BLACKOUT! Now, please Ernie, go to bed! Aaaaaaahhhh! (Lies down.)
Ernie (after a pause): I know what I'll do! I'll call up somebody on Sesame Street and tell them we're having a blackout. I'm sure they'd like to know we're having a blackout. (Picks up the phone and starts dialing it.)
Bert (sitting up): Ernie? Ernie, they probably already know about the blackout. Do you have any idea what time it is? Oh, never mind. Do what you want. I am going back to sleep. Boy, do I need it now. (Lies down. The phone rings once on the other end, and Oscar answers it. Note: Both Bert and Ernie can understand what he's saying.)
Oscar (with even more of his grouchiness than usual): What's the idea calling me up in the middle of the night? Hey, who is this? 'Cause I'm gonna see to it you don't sleep for a week! Speak up! Who is this?
Ernie: Uh ... it ... it ... it's Bert. (Hangs up. Bert gives a little sigh of despair.)
Transcribed by SlvrSlprz@aol.com