sung by a Neurotic Man with a mariachi band singing the lines in brackets

Neurotic Man frantically looks around his kitchen, there's a knock on the door, he goes to open it. (but, if he could open the door, why couldn't he...? Oh, nevermind)

Maria: Hi.

Neurotic Man: Hi!

Maria: I'm Maria from the Fix-It Shop, you called me?

Neurotic Man: Yeah, come in, quick, I've got a real emergency here!

Maria: What's the problem?

Neurotic Man: What's the problem? What's the problem? I'll tell you what the problem is...

Can't get in the dresser to get my socks, 'cause it's cerrado (cerrado)
Can't wear my shoes, 'cause they're in that box and it's cerrado (cerrado)
Can't get my shirt, it's in that drawer
Can't get my pants, they're behind that door,
Can't get any new ones from the clothing store, 'cause it's cerrado (cerrado)

Ohh...aargh...can't reach in the cage to pet my bunny, it's cerrado (cerrado)
Can't go to the bank to get my money, it's cerrado (cerrado)
Can't get into this case to get my guitar
Can't get into the cupboard for a candy bar
Can't get chili peppers from the pepper jar, 'cause it's cerrado (cerrado)
It's horrible!
Cerrado is much much worse than I supposed

Maria: "Cerrado" is the Spanish word for "closed")

Can't get into that sack to get a potato, it's cerrado (cerrado)
Can't get into the fridge to get a tomato, it's cerrado (cerrado)
Can't get into the oven to get my roast
Can't get bread from the breadbox to make my toast
Yes the Spanish word that I hate the most is cerrado (cerrado)
Cerrado (cerrado) I hate cerrado! (cerrado)
Cerrado (cerrado) Cerrado!

My life's a mess! I can't do anything. Everything is cerrado!

Maria: Yes, I see that. Everything is closed.

Neurotic Man: Yes, yes, can you help me please? Can you fix it?

Maria: Well, of course I can, what you need (she opens her tool box and pulls out the word "Abierto") is this...

Neurotic Man: Abierto?

Maria: Yes, certainly. Abierto is the Spanish word for "open". Abierto! (everything he sang about now opens, the roast flys out of the oven etc.)

Neurotic Man: Abierto! Wow!


sung by a Neurotic Man with a mariachi band singing the lines in brackets

Neurotic Man: Oh, no, what do I do now?!

Maria: Hello?

Neurotic Man: Oh, thanks for coming back, I have another problem!

Maria: Another problem?

Neurotic Man: Yeah!

Maria: What is it this time?

Neurotic Man: Look! Everything! It's all abierto!

Can't get my window to keep out the snow, 'cause it's abierto (abierto)
Can't keep warm when the cold wind blows, my coat's abierto (abierto)
Folks keep arriving, I don't know whom
All day long they come into my room
They go to the closet and they take my broom, my door's abierto (abierto)
It's horrible! Arrrgggh!

Can't put this book back on the shelf 'cause it's abierto (abierto)
Can't chew my food, can't feed myself, my mouth's abierto (abierto)
My chickens ran away without a peep
My horse was something I couldn't keep
The same can be said for my flock of sheep, my barn's abierto (abierto)
It's horrible! Can you help me out fellas?
"Abierto" is the word that got me mopin'

Maria: "Abierto" is the Spanish word for "open"

Neurotic Man: My eyes never let me sleep at night, they stay abierto (abierto)
My hamper can't keep my dirty laundry out of sight 'cause it's abierto (abierto)
My milk all went sour and my cheese went bad
I lost all the ice cream that I ever had
'Cause my fridge is abierto and that makes me mad, 'cause it's abierto (abierto)
Abierto (abierto), I hate abierto (abierto), abierto (abierto), abierto!

Ya see my problem? Everything's abierto!

Maria: Yes, I can see that, everything is open.

Neurotic Man: Can ya fix it? Huh? Can ya?

Maria: I think I can fix this situation.

Neurotic Man: Oh, good, good, good, you're a genius!

Maria: Sure. What you need is this ... (opens her toolbox and pulls out the word "cerrado")

Neurotic Man: Cerrado?

Maria: Cerrado! Everything is abierto, which is the Spanish word for "open", and this is "cerrado", which is the Spanish word for "closed". Cerrado! (everything he sang about now closes)

Neurotic Man: Wow, unreal! Cerrado. You're the best fixer in the whole world.

Maria: Sure, nothing to it. Glad to help.

Transcribed by Andrea Sunderland and the archive's webmistress Tiny Dancer