Ernie Takes A Bath
classic skit with Ernie (Jim Henson) and Bert (Frank Oz)
(Bert is standing around when Ernie walks by, carrying something.)
Ernie: Ho, Bert, I got my bar of soap. (Exits)
Bert: Oh, I bet he's gonna wash something.
Ernie (re-entering with something else): Ho, Bert, I got my fluffy towel. (Exits)
Bert: Oh, he's probably gonna wash his face.
Ernie (re-entering with yet another thing): Ho, Bert, I got my little ... (Squeaks the something and exits)
Bert: Rubber Duckie. Oh, he's gonna take a bath in his tubby.
Ernie (re-entering with another something): Ho, Bert, I got my flashlight. (Exits)
Ernie (re-entering with still another something): Ho, Bert, I got my umbrella. (Exits)
Ernie (re-entering with ANOTHER thing!): Ho, Bert, I got your bowling ball. (Starts to exit)
Bert: Ernie, stop, stop!
Ernie (coming over): Uh, yes, Bert?
Bert: Ernie, put that bowling ball down, please. (Ernie does so) Now, Ernie, I saw you come by here with your soap and your towel and your Rubber Duckie, so I thought you were gonna take a bath.
Ernie: Well, I am, Bert ...
Bert: Well then, why do you need your flashlight, your umbrella, and my bowling ball to take a bath?
Ernie: Well, I took the flashlight in case a fuse blows and all the lights go out, and I don't want Rubber Duckie to be afraid of the dark ...
Ernie: ... and I took the umbrella in case it starts to rains in the bathroom, and I don't want Rubber Duckie to get wet ... not from above, you know; he likes to get wet from sitting in the water ...
Ernie: ... and I took the bowling ball because ... well, you never know when somebody's gonna come along ...
Bert (finishing sentence with him): ... and ask to borrow your bowling ball. Ernie, that's it. You can not use my bowling ball. You just can't. Uh-uh. No. (Shakes his head)
Ernie (crestfallen): Well, gee, Bert ... I guess I'll have to take a bath without your bowling ball. (Sadly leaves)
Bert: Uh-huh. Sure, Ernie. (Hears offscreen splashing) Oh boy, this I gotta see!
(Exits. Scene changes to bathroom, where Ernie is merrily splashing about in the tubby, holding the umbrella open over him.)
Ernie, do you know how silly you look sitting in that bathtub?
Ernie: Well, better safe than sorry, I always say. Right, Rubber Duckie?
(Squeaks Rubber Duckie. Suddenly, the room goes dark.)
Ooh! We blew a fuse, and all the lights went out! But don't worry, Rubber Duckie. I got my flashlight right here.
(Turns it on, shining light around. Suddenly, a loud clap of thunder rolls, and it starts raining -- right inside
Bert: What was that?
Ernie: Oh, it's starting to rain!
Bert: In the bathroom!
Ernie: But don't worry, Rubber Duckie. We got my umbrella to keep the rain from getting on us!
Bert: I don't believe this.
(Thunder rolls, and then a knock comes at bathroom door.)
Ernie: Come in!
Male Muppet (entering): Say, fellas, I got a tournament tonight, and I was wondering if I could borrow ...
Bert: Yeah, I'll go get my bowling ball. (Leaves)
Transcribed by Silvery Shoe
Originally released on the album
Bert's Blockbusters (1974)
and on the cassette
Bert & Ernie: Side By Side (1981)