written by Tom Lehrer

This song was written for "The Electric Company" TV show in 1972, but wasn't released until 1990 as a bonus track on the Tom Lehrer Revisited CD.

You're wearing your squeaky shoes,
And right there taking a snooze
Is a tiger, so how do you walk on by?
[loud whisper]
Silently, silently, Silent L.Y.

You're a secret agent man
Who's after the secret plan.
How do you act so they don't know you're a spy?
[acting suspiciously]
Normally [whistle], normally [whistle], Normal L.Y.

At an eating contest you boast
That you can eat the most.
How do you down your fiftieth piece of pie?
Eagerly (ugh!), eagerly (yech!), Eager L.Y.

On the lake your boat upset,
And your clothes got soaking wet.
How do you stand and wait for them to dry?
P-p-p-p-p-p-patiently, P-p-p-p-p-p-patiently, P-p-p-p-p-p-patient L.Y.

In the public library
You fall and hurt your knee.
But the sign says QUIET PLEASE, so how can you cry?
Quietly [sniff], quietly [sniff], Quiet L.Y.

As you walk along the street
A porcupine you meet.
How do you shake his hand when he says "hi"?
Ah, carefully, carefully, Careful L.Y.

You enter a very dark room,
And sitting there in the gloom
Is Dracula.
Now how do you say goodbye?
Immediately, immediately, Immediate L.Y.
Bye bye!

Stolen from Tom Lehrer Song Lyrics due to numerous requests and fuzzy childhood memories.

available on the album
Tom Lehrer Revisited
Tom Lehrer Revisited (CD)