Ernie Puts Away His Toys

skit starring Ernie (Jim Henson) and Bert (Frank Oz)


(Opening scene: A room littered with toys.
Bert wades through the mess and finds Ernie happily playing with a large plastic fire engine.)

Bert: "Look at this mess! Ernie, don't you think it's time to put all these toys away?"

Ernie: (looks up from the fire engine) "Well, yes, but I didn't get all these toys out, Bert.
You brought out some of the toys."

Bert: "Yes, but you brought out most of the toys."

Ernie: "Okay, tell you what. I'll put most of the toys away."

Bert: "Fine. And I'll pick up the rest later." (leaves)

Ernie: "Okay .... Let's see, if I could just put these toys into groups ... Hmm.
How about I put away all the fire engines? Let's see, here's one fire engine. Any more?

(He looks through the rest of the toys without success, then picks up the engine and starts to leave.
He stops.)

But there's still an awful lot of toys left. I'd better put away one more group of toys.
How about I put away all the big toys?

(Again he looks through them.)

Not a very big toy... Is this a big toy? This? This?

(He starts to examine all the other toys, which are all rather small, until --)

Here's a big toy! The fire engine! Okay!

(again starts to leave, stops)

But there's still an awful lot of toys. I'd better put away one more group of toys.
Let's see, how about I put away all the red toys? How about that?
Let's see, is this a red toy? How about this?

(picks up toy dog)

Now, that toy's kind of pinkish, maybe, but certainly not red.

(keeps looking through toys, none of which are red, until --)

Here's a red toy! The fire engine!

(again starts to leave, but --)

But there's still an awful lot of toys. I'd better put away one more group of toys.

Hmm ... how about ... I know! How about all the toys with wheels? How about that? Let's see, wheels?

(picks up Rubber Duckie)

Rubber Duckie, you got any wheels?

(Squeaks him.)

Nope, he doesn't have wheels.

(Tosses him away and looks through the other toys.)

This thing have wheels?

(picks up toy horse)

Horse have wheels?

(throws it down, continues until --)

Here's a toy with wheels! The fire engine! See the wheels? Okay!

(same as before, stops)

But there's still too many toys. I'd better put away one more group of toys.
Hmm ... how about all the toys with ladders?

(again he searches through the pile of toys)

Any ladders on the trombone? No.

(Throws it down)

This have ladders? This?

(looks through the toys, until ...)

Here's a toy with ladders! The fire engine! Okay! Yes, I'm certainly putting away a lot of toys."

(He picks up the engine and starts off.
Bert comes in and sees the remaining toys.)

Bert: "Ernie -- ERNIE! I thought you told me you were going to put most of the toys away!"

Ernie: "Well, I'm just about to, Bert. Now, I'll tell you which toys I'm going to put away."

Bert: "Okay."

Ernie: "Now, I'm putting away all the fire engines --"

Bert: "Good ..."

Ernie: "-- and all the big toys --"

Bert: "Yeah?"

Ernie: "-- and all the red toys --"

Bert: "Ye --" (he suddenly realizes)

Ernie: "-- and all the toys with wheels, and all the toys with ladders.
Yessir, I'm really putting away the toys."

(Ernie marches off with the fire engine, leaving Bert groaning amidst the huge pile of toys still left.)

Transcribed by Mrs. Mishima and Silvery Shoe